


Into the Furnace

by Geonn



Category: Original Work
Genre: Bartenders, Bisexual Female Character, Blow Jobs in a Car, Car Sex, Casual Sex, Drama, F/F, F/M, Family, Firefighters, Multi, Seattle, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2014-07-30
Packaged: 2018-02-05 22:55:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 62,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1835233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geonn/pseuds/Geonn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Firefighter Kelly Lake fought hard to get where she was, earning a position in the Seattle Fire Department like the men in her family before her. When Kelly and her team are involved in a devastating fire that leaves a dozen people dead, the public and media crucify the department for "allowing" it to happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Kelly originally appeared in my story "The Old Flame." Certain details of the story may not jibe 100% with the novel, but the novel is the official record of note. ;)

**Prologue**  
Kelly Lake came into the world on a wave of water. She and her twin brother Kevin were delivered during one of the most ferocious storms of recent memory. Their entire lives were spent listening to stories of lights flickering overhead, the storm sirens wailing outside, and the jovial doctor chuckling as he came into the room. “Looks like your little angels are trying to bring the rest of Heaven down with them!” he said. It was such a familiar joke that Kelly and Kyle were both able to repeat it in tone and inflection whenever the story came up. Kelly could almost picture the delivery room, even though it would be impossible for her to actually remember the moment of her birth.

When Kelly applied to the fire academy, her mother accused her of trying to leave the world in fire to make up for the way she’d been born. That was in no way Kelly’s intention but she found that she sort of admired the symmetry of the idea. She chose to join the fire department because it was the family tradition. Fathers, uncles, brothers, practically every male member of the Lake family was simply understood to be following in their family footsteps. Those who didn’t had to make a big announcement and explain what was more important than continuing the legacy.

Kelly heard the hubbub around her two older brothers, as well as the talk about her twin, so she simply assumed they expected the same from her. On Thanksgiving the year she was twelve, an uncle patted her knee and smiled down at her. 

“So, what are you going to be when you grow up?”

She stared at him as if he’d asked how many eyes she had. “I’m going to be a firefighter.”

The uncle had laughed and squeezed her shoulder, motioning his brothers over with a catcher’s-mitt hand. “Tell ‘em what you told me, Kelly. Go on. What are you going to be when you grow up?”

A part of her knew that she could shrink away, change her mind, and avoid the humiliation. Instead she stuck her chin out and braced herself for the ridicule.

“I’m going to be a firefighter.”

More laughter. Another uncle - or maybe it was a cousin - said, “Well, just be sure you have a fallback position in mind, huh?”

She left the party and stomped outside, and that was where her oldest brother Casey found her. He sat on the step next to her and nudged her shoulder with his elbow.

“You’re going to have to work twice as hard as any of us if you want to make it, you know.”

She crossed her arms over her knees and stared straight ahead, too angry to talk. 

“It’s going to be hard to forget all of them laughing at you. So you know what you do? Hold onto it. Remember how loud it was, and what it sounded like, and you’re going to use that when it’s too hard to keep going. When your legs are burning or your arms are like rubber, you take those baboons in there and use it for a little extra push. You’ll get there. Then you can come back and laugh in their monkey faces.”

She looked at him, and he stuck his jaw out, crossing his eyes and reaching up to scratch his hair. Despite herself she laughed, and he put an arm around her.

“I don’t like the idea of you running into fires,” he said, “but I don’t like my chances if I stood in your way, either. So you know. I’ll give you a shot to prove yourself.”

“Thanks, Casey.”

“No problem, squirt. Now get in there before your brother snakes all the pumpkin pie.”

She took Casey’s words to heart. She didn’t know if her other brothers were automatically supportive or if Casey had sat them down to discuss it, but either way she had a troupe of cheerleaders whenever she wanted to hit the gym or go for a run. She joined the softball team, lifted weights, and soon was able to best her brothers at whatever challenge they threw down. Casey was still able to take her down, but even he admitted that she was a worthy opponent. By the time she was old enough to apply to take the firefighter’s exam, she had no qualms about whether she was ready. Of all the hoops she had to jump through to be accepted, the one she thought less about was the one everyone else in her class dreaded: the physical assessment test. There were practice sessions, boot camps to ensure everyone knew what they were getting into before the disqualifying moment, but Kelly breezed through them.

Only once did an instructor mention her family. He caught sight of her name on a form, noted her blonde hair and thick eyebrows, and said, “You any relation to Patrick Lake?”

“He’s my father,” she admitted. 

The teacher had nodded and moved on without further comment. As far as she could tell he never showed her preferential treatment one way or the other, and none of the others in her class took the information of her lineage as an excuse to pick on her. 

Her twin, Kyle, helped temper the family’s reaction to her signing up. The same time she was going through the assessment, Kyle chose to reveal he didn’t plan to become a firefighter after all. He wanted to stay in college and get a degree in architecture. In a way, they protected each other. Their father’s disappointment at having a son deny his legacy was tempered by the fact a Lake would still be joining the ranks; his frustration with Kelly being the one to join had to be ignored. 

The first Thanksgiving after she was admitted to the fire department, she let Casey be the one to talk her up. She saw uncles and cousins casting furtive glances her way and tried not to look overly smug. After dinner, Casey found her on the front stoop again. He sat next to her, nudged her with his arm, and they shared a smile. 

“Now what?” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“You proved them wrong. Now comes the hard part.”

Kelly frowned and shook her head. “Fuck them. This was about me getting where I needed to be. I wasn’t out to prove a damn thing to those morons. I just used them as fuel to get me to the top.” She rubbed her hands together. “Now I get the reward.”

Casey chuckled and held up his fist. Kelly knocked her knuckles against his.

“You show ‘em, little sis.”

She linked an arm around Casey’s shoulder and sagged against him, smiling at the possibilities.

 **Chapter One**  
Casey was at the front of her mind every time they went out on a call, lingering at the edge of her consciousness like a song lyric she couldn’t get out of her head. It started raining while they were at the call and she was soaked to the bone by the time they climbed back into the truck for the ride back to the station. The rain on the window turned every traffic light and headlight into prisms of yellow, red, green, and white. Her body swayed with the movement of the truck as if she was a part of it. The fire itself had been easily contained, no drama, but it still triggered memories of the day four years earlier.

An out-of-control four-alarm fire meant all hands on deck, so Kelly wasn’t surprised when she stepped off the truck to see Casey’s engine was already there. She never saw him at the scene, never crossed paths with him, but it wouldn’t have mattered. They were there to do a job and they were not family members. They were firefighters with a task to complete. She was assigned to cover the roof and she climbed the ladder behind Michael Fox (“Not the actor, not named after the actor,” as he always said upon introducing himself) and spent an hour ventilating the roof as needed. Smoke billowed freely from the holes she and Fox cut with their axes.

Ninety minutes after she arrived, there was a call for everyone to fall back. She and Fox hauled ass to the ladder and descended as quickly and safely as possible. Moments after they reached the ground, great fists of flame pushed out through every window on the top floor. There was an exhalation of thick smoke as the building seemed to contract in on itself just the slightest bit, the corners sagging toward its center as if bracing for a blow.

“Holy shit,” Fox gasped. “Did everyone get out?”

Four years later, she still remembered hearing her Captain say, “Not all of us. We’re waiting to hear who’s left inside.”

Casey was still inside. He’d been on the stairwell heading down after hearing the fallback order but he’d been too deep. Someone on Casey’s engine realized who she was and made sure she wasn’t allowed inside until his body had been recovered. She remembered feeling numb, like it was a training exercise in the worst-case scenario, and Casey would come strolling up to make fun of her for how poorly she’d done. So she did her best, performed like a pro, only allowing herself to be as shaken as the others around her were. It didn’t matter if Casey had the same parents; every firefighter in the building was her brother. It got her through the hard hours that followed when they knocked down the fire and made sure it didn’t pop back up after they were gone.

The numbness finally left when Captain Flint took her aside and asked if she was willing to give the notification of death.

“The cameras are all over this shit.” His mouth was obscured by a thick walrus mustache, the hairs moving over unseen lips. “I figure Patty is going to be watching, he’s going to know you and Casey were here, and he’s going to know we lost guys. He should know from the start that it wasn’t the worst it could’ve been.”

She nodded and let the reality of the moment settle over her like a shroud. She had just started to wonder how she would get to their parents’ house before the news broke when Flint found her again. He hooked his hand around her elbow and kept going, forcing her to fall into step or get knocked down.

“Your father is one stubborn son of a bitch,” he growled.

“Yes, sir,” Kelly said without understanding the context. It was a true statement, though, and she understood what he meant when she saw him standing at the sawhorses that blocked the scene. He had been staring at the building but his eyes dropped and focused on her as she approached. She was still wearing her bunkers and her jacket, her face dark with soot and her hair rising in wild tendrils from her braids. She was wet from castoff from the hoses, and she took off her gloves as she approached her father.

He kept his eyes locked on her from the moment he realized she was his daughter and not just a random firefighter. She saw him swallow a lump in his throat, watched as he ran a hand down the front of his face, and she felt something inside her crack as her tough-as-nails father, as Chief Lake, the strongest man she had ever known, fought back his tears.

When she was close enough, he reached out and put his hands on either side of her head. “You good?” he asked.

She managed to nod, her lips tightening as her eyes felt wider than they’d ever been. “Yes, sir.” She started to say her brother’s name, but her voice broke on the first syllable. 

Patrick pulled her to his chest and squeezed. She felt angry, as if he was somehow saying her survival was more important than Casey’s, but she knew he would have reacted the same way if it had been Casey breaking the bad news. She put her arms around him, smearing soot on his nice polo shirt, and rested her cheek against his chest as if she was a child.

Now she could still feel his arms around her, could still remember what it was like telling her mother and brothers that Casey wasn’t coming home. She and her brothers were pallbearers at the funeral, but she’d never seen his body. She had no doubt that was why part of her still hadn’t let go of him, and why even at minor calls like this one she could still feel him just over her shoulder, cheering her on.

Station 12 was a red-brick building that hung to a sloping street on Queen Anne Hill. Every time they turned to go home Kelly felt tugged against the straps holding her into her seat. It was like the first hill of a roller coaster. She hardly noticed it anymore; after a life lived in Seattle the idea of suddenly riding vertically was a common occurrence. This time she felt it because she had been so distracted by thoughts of Casey that she didn’t realize they were so already close to the station they affectionately called the Stables.

Coming back after a call was always an ordeal. She took off her gear and helped Otto, one of the other firefighters, scrub down the truck and their equipment. There was no smoke damage or soot to wash away this time but it gave them something to do with their excess energy. 

When she was done she went up to the bunk room. It was on the second floor, and its trio of arched windows looked out over the neighborhood to the Sound. Twelve beds were scattered around the room wherever there was room for them, hugging the walls and tucked under windows, with a variety of blankets and sheets tangled on top of each mattress. 

As the oldest girl in a family of all boys she had learned to find bed-making meditative, so she set to the task of snapping all the sheets and tucking each blanket under the pillows so they would be ready for the shift. Staying in the bunk room felt like living in a time-share apartment or dorm where everyone else on the lease was an absolute slob. The guys tried to be tidy but, for the most part, they all reverted back to their nesting behaviors before long. Another female firefighter tried to admonish her for doing “housework,” but Kelly ignored that as nonsense. In a firehouse there was no such thing as man’s work and woman’s work. It was all just shit that had to get done, and she was willing to do whatever was necessary.

Trevor McNevin, one of the most senior men on the engine, appeared at the top of the stairs and looked at the progress she had made with the beds. He had the paunch of an athlete gone to see, wide at the waist and shoulders with almost incongruously thin arms, but his odd body shape made him a dynamo when it came to crawling through a burning building. He kept his brown hair cut short on the sides and longer on top so that he could run his fingers through it whenever a single, available woman happened to catch his eye. He chuckled and shook his head as he walked over and stooped to pick up a paperback novel off the bottom shelf of the night table he’d been using.

“Do you do windows, too?” he asked.

“Only when I’m carrying an ax.”

He grinned and dropped down onto the bed, wrinkling all her hard work as he folded the cover back to continue reading where he’d left off. He looked over the top of his head at her.

“You working at the Old Flame tomorrow?”

At the mention of the tavern, she glanced toward the windows as if she could see it across the street. The bunk room was too high, but it was comforting to know the place was never far away. 

“Yeah,” she said. “Why?”

“Got a new lady in my life. I thought I would bring her buy, introduce her to the crew.”

Kelly whistled. “Introducing her to your family? That’s a big step. You must really be serious about this girl.”

“Eh, shut up.”

“What’s her name?”

“You’ll find out tomorrow.”

Kelly finished with the last bed and slapped Trevor’s foot as she walked past him. “Tell your girl I look forward to meeting her.”

“Yeah, try not to steal this one, huh?”

She rolled her eyes. “That was one time. It wasn’t my fault.”

He flipped her off and she sneered at him before continuing downstairs. The girlfriend had almost destroyed the easy rapport they shared. Tina, a supermarket manager, had gotten a little too drunk one night when the crew was having a party at Chief Dobbs’ house. When Kelly went inside to pee, she found Tina waiting by the bathroom door when she came out.

“So. Trev tells me you go both ways.” She bit her bottom lip and raised her eyebrows.

Kelly wasn’t comfortable discussing that with someone she had just met, so she just smiled and said, “Trevor needs to be careful of what he shares with people.”

She tried to move past her, but Tina stopped her with a hand on her hip. “Wanna come home with us tonight? Have a party?”

“Sorry. I don’t fool around with guys on my crew.”

“Then we’ll leave him out of it.”

There was no doubt in Kelly’s mind that what she did next was wrong. Even as she was dragging the drunken Tina into Chief Dobbs’ game room, even as they took off each other’s clothes under the pool table, Kelly was admonishing herself for a spectacular failure of judgment. She could hear the guys outside, just feet away on the other side of the glass, and she still didn’t stop herself. It was quick and sloppy, and Tina seemed to regret it the moment they were done. Kelly regretted it as well, angry at herself, and irrationally angry at Tina for coming on to her to give her the opening.

She refused to live with the guilt any longer than necessary. She went outside and tapped Trevor on the shoulder. He was still smiling at something Otto had said.

“Your girlfriend came on to me. We just fucked in the game room. Trev... look, I’m sorry, man.”

He looked past her at Tina. Whatever he saw there was enough proof for him. He looked at Kelly and, for a long moment, she thought he was going to punch her.

Scott Shelley must have thought the same thing. He put a hand on Trevor’s shoulder and said, “Just walk away, man. Take a walk, all right?”

Trevor bent his knees and lunged forward, grabbing Kelly around her thighs and hoisting her up into the air. He ran her backward like a tackling dummy and, at the edge of the tile around Chief Dobbs’ pool, he hurled her forward. Kelly shrieked in terror as she flew through the air and was silenced by a mouthful of water when she crashed into the pool. She kicked her way back to the surface with a gasp as Trevor was yelling at Tina to “get the fuck out.” 

She had indeed fled the backyard, and Trevor turned to see her treading water. He glared at her and she tried her best to look apologetic.

“Will we be okay?” she asked.

He sighed, shook his head to indicate uncertainty, and lifted his hands in surrender as he turned and walked away. Scott followed him, but threw Kelly a look to let her know he was on her side. Kelly had finally swam to the ladder and climbed out, dripping on the grass until Chief Dobbs’ wife appeared with a thick towel to wrap her in.

Later Trevor would admit Tina had been talking to him about a threesome practically since he’d introduced her to Kelly. “I told her we don’t screw around in the Stables, but she was like a dog with a bone, ya know? I can’t blame you for giving in. It just means I’m stronger than you are.”

“Oh, bullshit,” Kelly said.

“I resisted her for months. How long did you last? Thirty seconds?”

With that, and a quick playful slap fight in the apparatus bay, tensions between them returned to normal. Kelly stealing Trevor’s girl became a joke around the house. She’d never felt an overwhelming animosity from the men on her crew, never felt the need to prove herself worthy just because she was a woman, but dealing with the fallout and eventual acceptance of what she’d done was the moment she finally felt like they truly accepted her. 

She wasn’t one of the boys. She was just another firefighter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**  
People underestimated Kelly at both of her jobs. Her neck was long and slender and the bunker coat kept firefighters who didn’t know her from seeing her arms. She was cursed with big eyes and a wide mouth that made her look like a little girl in her father’s uniform. When she was at the bar, men tended to take one look at her easy smile and tight T-shirt and assumed she was a pushover. She didn’t waste any time trying to prove to these people she could take care of herself. She simply waited for an opportunity and proved it through her actions.

The Old Flame wasn’t much to look at. It was backed up against a chain-link fence that held back the wild overgrowth and trees from encroaching on its parking lot. There was a small outdoor dining area that never used, an arcade with pool tables and a variety of skill games that served only to steal pennies and quarters from their patrons. 

On Saturday night, the crowd from U-Dub flooded in and transformed it from a firefighter hangout to a typical college hangout. Kelly had nearly gotten her fill of her young and dumb crowd. After twice warning a pair of frat jerks to leave another patron alone, Kelly watched as they sauntered back over and tried to strike up a conversation with an uninterested girl. The woman had made it clear she wasn’t interested, but the guys didn’t seem willing to hear the message. She was standing against the wall with her friend trying to ignore the persistent jerk. Kelly continued filling drink orders, always making sure she had a portion of her attention on the situation. One guy put his hand against the wall, effectively blocking his prey’s exit, and Kelly took that as a call to arms.

She excused herself from behind the bar and walked up behind the student. He had six inches on her and the shoulder that she tapped was both wider and thicker than her own. He looked back at her and lifted his chin in a casual greeting. He was already turning back to continue his harassment when Kelly spoke.

“I think you’ve had enough tonight, don’t you?”

He grinned. “Nah, I’ll take another when you have a second. I’ll even get one for my friend here. All she has to do is tell me her name.”

“I don’t think she wants you to know her name.”

He looked at her again. “It’s really not any of your business, right?”

Kelly smiled. “I don’t like the idea of someone getting raped on my watch.”

“Whoa, hey. No one is getting raped, okay?”

“Sure,” she said. “Just for my peace of mind, how about you and your fellas clear out so she can enjoy her night without worrying?”

He turned to face her. “I think we’ll leave when we’re ready. Okay, sweetheart?”

She held her hands out palms-out and shrugged. “Okay. I don’t want any trouble.” When she saw him relax, just a minute shift in the way he held his shoulders, she threw her arm straight forward and smacked him in the solar plexus. The blow and shock combined to knock the wind out of him. His eyes went wide and he grabbed at her out of instinct, but she slapped his arms away and stepped in close to him. She got her arm under his and they did a quick dance using his arm as a fulcrum. When they stopped he was bent double and she had his arm twisted tight up against his back.

She leaned close to his ear. “What’s your name?” He didn’t answer so she pressed her lips tighter together and pulled on his arm. “What’s your name?” she asked again, just as calmly.

“Jack.” His voice was a rough wheeze.

“Okay, Jack. I could carry you out of here. I don’t think you’d like that. So how about you just cut your losses now?”

“Bitch.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, call me all the dirty names you want. I mean, we could still fight, but you’d be working with a dead arm.”

“Lost the element of surprise. I’ll take you out...”

She sighed and let go of him. He spun to face her and she held out her arms to the side. “You want to risk being taken down by a girl, be my guest.”

He clutched his wounded arm and tried to scan the crowd without moving his head. His shoulder rose and fell with each breath and he finally snorted and rocked back on his heels. 

“You’d probably fight dirty.”

She shrugged. “I don’t have all night, Jack.”

He grunted and shuffled toward the door. His cronies went with him. Kelly tracked them to the door, and she jumped slightly when someone tapped her shoulder with the back of his hand. She turned to see Trevor following the college guys out. Otto and Tim were with him.

“We’ll make sure they actually leave.”

“Appreciate it,” she said.

She went back behind the bar as the men left. It was one of the perks of having firefighters around all the time. They knew what fights to she needed to deal with herself and which ones they should lend a hand with. She dealt with Jack, but it would be comforting to know for sure the guy wasn’t waiting for her outside at closing time. She resumed her duties behind the bar, apologizing quickly before she began filling orders again. 

A redhead leaning against the wall at the end of the bar leaned forward when Kelly got close. When she knew she had Kelly’s attention, she smiled and raised her voice to be heard over the chatter.

“That was badass,” she said.

“Thanks. I have a bat back here if he had decided to keep it up.”

The girl grinned and curled her fingers against her jaw. “I’m Sasha.”

“Hi Sasha. What can I get for you?”

“Your number?”

Kelly grinned. She was currently taken, but she didn’t want to shut down the potential for a little harmless, tip-increasing flirtation with a cute redhead. “How about just a drink for right now, then we’ll see how the night goes?”

Sasha shrugged and ordered a drink. When she placed the mug in front of the flirtatious woman, Sasha touched her wrist to keep her from pulling away too quickly. She leaned in and lowered her voice to what amounted to a whisper given the volume of music and conversation all around them.

“My boyfriend has been watching you all night. And you’re hot enough I finally agreed.”

Kelly laughed and took her hand back. “Sorry, Sasha. I’m not feeling it tonight. Maybe another time.”

Sasha pouted out her bottom lip as Kelly retreated to the safety of another customer. She was a big fan of threesomes, had finally accepted her sexuality because of threesomes, but tending bar had led her to a surprisingly high amount of offers from patrons. She didn’t know if they sensed she would be open to the idea or if it was something everyone who tended bar had to deal with. She wasn’t too proud to admit she had taken a few of the offers - some were just too intriguing to turn down - but she did her best to keep her personal life away from the bar.

When she first started dating, she dated boys. She liked boys, a lot, and she knew it was expected of her to have boyfriends. After she became sexually active with those boys, sometimes talk turned to fantasy. Oftentimes those fantasies involved having a threesome. The boys always brought it up so hesitantly, almost cringing as if they expected her to be disgusted. On the contrary, Kelly was very interested in the idea of bringing a girl into the bedroom. She chose someone, approached her, and the three of them went back to her boyfriend’s studio apartment. 

By the time their friend left, Kelly had accepted the fact she was bisexual. The relationship eventually fizzled and, once she was single again, Kelly decided she would look for a girlfriend just to see what it was like without the guy to act as a buffer. Years later she still wasn’t convinced one had more benefits over the other, so she kept firmly on the fence. Dating was a lot more fun that way.

Trevor came back inside and held his fist over his head, giving her the all-clear. She thanked him by sketching off a sloppy salute, then flashed two fingers and a thumb to let them know she was buying their next round as a thank-you. 

The rest of the night passed without incident. Kelly ushered the kids out but let her fellow water jockeys hang out a bit longer. The redhead had disappeared sometime after Kelly shot her down, and she hoped the girl had found someone to experiment with. She finally got her squad out just before two in the morning. When she locked the doors she looked across the street at the firehouse. She loved that station, with its three arched hangars and a purely-decorative clock tower. Security lights made the building shine while the buildings on either side were swamped in darkness. It was like a castle fortress in a fairytale, waiting for word that a dragon was waiting to be slain.

Kelly turned off the main lights and went to the jukebox. She still had to clean up so she sacrificed a fraction of her tips and flipped around until she found an album she liked. She rocked her shoulders and hips to the music of the opening song, then mouthed the words to “Amy, aka Spent Gladiator 1” with John Darnielle. She retrieved the broom and continued dancing as she swept up the night’s debris. 

When she finished she shut out the rest of the lights and left the bar to hibernate until the next shift arrived. Across the street she saw movement in one of the windows at the firehouse. She lifted her hand over her head in a wave; she doubted whoever was up and about had seen her, but she had to make the gesture. She would have wanted someone to do the same for her.

She got into her truck, a big red-and-white Ford, and headed for home. The streets weren’t deserted, even at this hour, but she felt a kinship with the other night owls. They all had reasons to be out while everyone else was at home in bed. Maybe they were cops or doctors, maybe they were firefighters from other stations. Maybe, like she was tonight, they were just cogs in the machine. Whoever they were, she was one of them. This night and every night.

Kelly lived in a small apartment that was about as far from the mansions of Queen Anne as she could get. She parked in the street and saw that her girlfriend Courtney’s car was parked at the end of the block. They had never officially moved in together but at this point it seemed like doing so would just be going through the motions. Kelly didn’t know how she felt about that. Courtney was great, really amazing, and they had a good time together. Still...

She walked upstairs and let herself in to what she still thought of as her apartment, not theirs, and put down her jacket and bag in the kitchen. If she was single, she wouldn’t have to worry about making noise when she came in at night. She could turn on the TV and veg for a while without someone sleeping in the next room. But she couldn’t break up with someone she genuinely cared for just because it would be a little more convenient. She just wanted to be selfish after a long day at work. 

Kelly decided to tempt fate. She got a beer out of the fridge and went into the living room. The curtains were closed but she pushed them open so she could look outside. She only had a view of their neighbor, but the windows reflected enough shining lights from downtown to make it worth looking. She toed off her shoes and sank onto her corner of the couch.

One of Courtney’s books was sitting on the table so she picked it up and opened it to a random page. She started to read but lost interest before the first paragraph. Courtney liked to read, Courtney was an accountant and wore tight little dresses and smart silky shirts to work. She wore high heels that Kelly found sexy as hell. She was beautiful. She was strictly business until the doors closed and they were in private. Courtney was one of the most sexual women Kelly had ever been with, but no one would know that unless they’d gone to bed with her. 

Kelly loved being with her. Kelly loved her. But whether or not they were _in_ love was a whole different question.

She was almost finished with the beer when she heard the bedroom door open. Soft footsteps led to the bathroom, then halfway back before detouring into the living room. Kelly looked over her shoulder and saw Courtney standing in an unbuttoned dress shirt over a pair of dark-colored panties and nothing else. She sagged against the wall.

“Hey, cupcake,” Courtney whispered.

“Hi. I was just having a drink.” She held up the bottle as if it was evidence she was just drinking and not questioning their entire relationship.

Courtney nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you in there.”

She went back down the hall. The door didn’t close behind her, so Kelly took that as a not-so-subtle hint to hurry up. She tilted her beer back for the last bit of liquid and dumped it in the recycling as she turned off the kitchen light. Halfway down the hall she found the shirt Courtney had been wearing. She bent down to pick it up and smiled as she carried it with her.

She supposed there were worse things in life than being “stuck” in a relationship with a beautiful, vivacious, sexual woman. She joined Courtney in the bedroom and kicked the door shut behind her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**  
Kelly’s parents, Patrick and Addie, lived in a cozy bedroom community just north of the university. The streets sloped gently toward Lake Washington, as if created as stadium seating to ensure everyone in the neighborhood had a perfect view. Kelly’s youngest brother Quinn still lived with them but he was very interested in moving into the dorms once he graduated from high school. He was going to take up the family tradition of fighting fires, but once again Addie urged him to have a fallback position. He was going to get a degree and then apply to the fire department once he had his safety net in place.

Every Friday night the Lake children received a summons to attend a Saturday dinner. The dinners were completely optional, but they all knew failure to show up was an invitation to be pestered for a “make-up” dinner sometime during the following week. The only valid excuses were illness and work commitments. Kelly usually tried to be on duty or at the bar, but she couldn’t avoid it indefinitely without her aversion becoming apparent.

The Lake House, as it was so charmingly dubbed on the mailbox, was a two-story white house with tall fences on either side that were obscured by thick vegetation. The driveway snuck between the house and its leafy barricade and, when Kelly arrived, she saw her younger brothers Quinn and Kyle playing basketball at the hoop over the garage door. They paused to greet-slash-harass her, but Kyle snatched the ball away from his baby brother and the game once again took precedence. Kelly knocked on the doorframe as she went inside; her parents insisted it was unnecessary but, as she had never lived in the house, she felt like a visitor every time she came.

Patrick came out of the den and smiled at her. “Kelly! Your brothers had a bet going about whether or not you’d show up. Have you spoken to Kevin?”

“Nope.” She gave her father a hug. “Dinner smells amazing, but I’ll have to go before dessert.”

He grinned. “Got a date? How’s Thomas doing?”

“Old news, papa. No, I just have something I need to do.”

Thomas was the last romantic entanglement her parents knew about, and he was a good three years gone. She didn’t tell her parents about her girlfriends and preferred to let them think she just didn’t date very often than explain she was bisexual.

“You’re a very pretty girl,” he said. “You should be on your third marriage by now.”

She laughed and thumped him on the shoulder. “You sure you want to pay for all those weddings?”

“Well, when you put it that way...” He squeezed her bicep and gestured toward the back of the house with his chin. “Your mother could use some help setting the table.”

Kelly tried not to make a face. “I don’t suppose Kyle could be persuaded to come in and do it.”

“Go on, now.”

She sighed. It wasn’t so much that she’d been relegated to ‘woman’s work’ once again but that she would be alone in the kitchen with her mother. She pushed up the sleeves of her shirt and went down the short, dark hallway. She could hear music playing on a portable stereo and a soft voice singing along in French. She paused in the doorway and looked at the back of her mother’s head, the hair now streaked silver and white. She heard Kelly’s entrance and stopped singing as she looked over her shoulder.

“Hello, dear.” Her voice was cultured and unaccented after living in America most of her life, but she’d been born and raised in Rouen. Occasionally when she was stressed or overtired, her inflections became slightly more French. “Your father was sure you weren’t coming.”

“Well, you know how I like proving him wrong.” She knocked her knuckle against the stereo as she finally stepped over the threshold. “You know, I keep telling you if you got an iPod, the boys or I could teach you how to set it up.”

Addie scoffed. “So much trouble just to hear songs.”

“It’s actually a lot simpler than this. You have the player and the cassettes and CDs...” She picked up the case and looked at the back. “You can just download the songs directly to the player from your Cloud. You’d have all your music everywhere--”

“I only can listen to one song at a time, dear.”

“Right, but if you went out shopping or something...”

“I’m fine with what I have, darling.”

Kelly felt the stirrings of an argument and decided to let it go. “What do you need me to do?”

“Set the table, if you wouldn’t mind. Do you know--”

“I haven’t spoken to Kevin.”

“I was just asking, dear,” Addie said. “Set a place for him just in case.”

Kelly took the plates down, took a handful of silverware, and retreated to the dining room. She couldn’t remember a time when her relationship with her mother wasn’t strained. The tension came from a memory she had, or had fabricated, from a time before she was even in school. She remembered being put down for a nap with her brother. Patrick was at work and Casey was at kindergarten or pre-school, she couldn’t remember. Kevin fell asleep quickly as he always did, so Kelly was left to stare out the window while she tossed and turned.

Eventually she had gotten hungry or needed to use the bathroom. Whatever the reason, she had gotten up and slipped out of the bedroom. She remembered the illicit feeling of wandering the house when she was supposed to be asleep. She went quietly downstairs, through the living room, and she peeked into the kitchen. To this day she had an extremely clear, and very disturbing, mental image of what she had seen. She remembered the flowers on her mother’s dress, and the way her shoe dangled as it hung off her foot. She had her legs wrapped around a tall, thin man who seemed to be pushing her hard against the kitchen island.

Kelly had never seen the man’s face, and in the years since she’d never had a moment of realization upon meeting any family friends. All she knew was that they were doing something Very Wrong, and the man was not her father. She had run back upstairs and dived under her covers. She remembered her mother coming into the room and sitting on her bed, rubbing her shoulder through the blankets.

“Kelly... were you or your brother downstairs a moment ago?”

She said nothing, squeezing her eyes shut and feigning sleep. 

“Kelly, I know you’re awake. Honey, did you go downstairs?”

Eventually her mother got tired of waiting for a response. When she came back to wake them from their nap she acted as if nothing happened, and Kelly kept quiet about it as well. But burying it had only served to create a wall between them. Addie didn’t know what, if anything, Kelly had seen. And in the years since Kelly had spent so long convincing herself it was a false memory that she couldn’t swear it had really happened. They were left in a strange middle ground where neither of them wanted confirmation one way or the other, so they simply kept up a barrier between them.

Outside she heard her brothers cheer an arrival and knew her twin had just shown up. She smiled as she set the table, looking up when he stepped into the kitchen and looked her over.

“I thought I smelled burning barrettes. How you doing, fire lady?”

She hugged him tightly. “Hi, little boy.” She loosened her hug and squeezed his love handles. “Woof. Sitting at the desk is really making you portly. You know people can already tell us apart because I’m a girl, right? You don’t need the spare tire.”

“Haha.” He kissed her forehead. “Mama in the kitchen?”

“Yeah.” She finished setting the table while he went to greet Addie. She had never told her brothers what she’d seen, and she’d certainly never brought it up to their father. There was really no icebreaker to “So, Dad, did Mom ever have an affair?” So she let it hang between her and her mother rather than letting it spread to infect the rest of the family’s interactions.

Dinner was served less than fifteen minutes after Kevin’s arrival, making Kelly wonder if her mother had some kind of internal radar that told her when everyone would be gathered around the table. Kyle helped serve, and Kelly sat next to the empty chair reserved for their missing oldest brother. Patrick sat at the head of the table with Addie sitting opposite him, framed by the window. Once everyone had been served and they were seated comfortably, Patrick looked between Kelly and Kyle with an expectant smile and his thick eyebrows raised.

“Well? Anyone have any good fires this week?”

#

Courtney called right before they finished their meal, and Kelly took the opportunity to get out of dish duty. She went down the hall into the dark living room and looked out over the front lawn. She used the glass of the window to keep an eye behind her so she could watch for eavesdroppers without seeming furtive. She could hear conversation in the kitchen as Courtney talked in her ear.

“So how about you? How was, uh, the big family get-together?”

“The usual,” Kelly said. “Dad wanted to hear about the fires, Mom pretended she couldn’t hear because she’s so scared for us.”

Courtney chuckled. “I wish I could’ve been there.”

“Yeah. Too bad you had to work.” She looked down and kicked at the corner of a throw rug, smoothing it out.

“Right. Work.”

“You had work, right?”

“Would I have been invited if I didn’t?”

Kelly sighed and rolled her eyes. “You know it’s not you, right? I’m not ashamed of you or anything like that. It’s just...”

“I know,” Courtney said. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m just a little punchy.”

“Maybe when I get home I could give you one of those backrubs you like.”

Courtney groaned. “Mm, that would be heaven. I’m at my place right now, but I could swing by. How long do you think you’ll be at the old homestead?”

“I already told them I’d have to leave early, so I should be able to sneak out before dessert. Should take me about twenty minutes, give or take.” She tried to think what the traffic would be like. “If you leave in about ten minutes, we might get there at the same time.”

“That sounds really nice.” She made a noise that told Kelly she was stretching. “Okay. You talked me into it. I’ll see you there.”

“Okay. I’ll let them know I have to leave. Talk to you soon.”

“Bye.”

Kelly said goodbye and looked at the window again. She managed to not react when she saw Kyle was standing at the end of the hallway watching her. She hung up, returned her phone to her pocket, and faced him with an expression of utter innocence.

“If you came to enlist me in the kitchen duty, I’m on my way out the door.”

“Yeah, I heard,” he said. “I didn’t know you were dating anyone.”

Kelly shook her head. “I’m not.”

“But...” He furrowed his brow and tilted his head to the side. “Kel, come on. That wasn’t just a pal you were talking to. Why are you keeping it a secret?”

She sighed. “It’s no one’s business but mine, okay? Besides, I think it might be close to over anyway. Why make a whole big deal about it if it isn’t going to matter in a few weeks?”

Kyle said, “I guess. Uh. If you’re really going, you should at least say goodnight to the old folks. Dad was talking about how he was going to convince you to stay for a slice of ice cream cake.”

“Thanks for the warning. And keep mum about what you thought you heard, huh?”

“Sure thing.” She passed him, and he backed up to catch her arm. “Sis. About the thing I didn’t hear. If it is almost over, I’m sorry. Sounds like you have real feelings there. Sorry it didn’t work out.”

She was surprised to find she was nearly brought to tears by his compassion. She bumped his arm with hers, nodded her thanks, and went to find her parents to let them know she was leaving.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**  
All kinds of things could make Kelly feel vulnerable in her personal life, but riding the truck under the comforting, deafening wail of the sirens was the one place she felt invincible. She felt confident in her armor. The heavy coat, the helmet, the air pack weighing down on her shoulders... it all combined to make a shell which protected her from not just fire but the entire world. She stretched her fingers out wide and then squeezed them into fists. She repeated this for the entire journey to their latest destination until the thick leather felt as natural as her own skin. 

Otto Meoli, their driver for this call, shouted over his shoulder as he turned down a side street. “It’s going to be tight out there. Try not to get pinned getting out.”

The truck came to a stop and Kelly threw open the door. There was a clearance of about ten inches between the side of the truck and a white picket fence. She disembarked without snagging her coat on the pointed heads, shuffling sideways toward the back of the truck. They were in a residential neighborhood with a view of Lake Union. It would have been idyllic if not for the thick plumes of black smoke rising from the ground floor window of their target.

The house had a submerged garage at the end of a sloped driveway. A man in sweatpants and a white T-shirt was pacing in the front yard. Lieutenant Berg’s aide parked his truck on a side street, and the resident gravitated toward the appearance of authority. Scott Shelley got the nozzle and carried it through the gate, while Kelly grabbed the hose and followed him up the front walk. The front door was ajar, so Shelley bumped it with his shoulder and barreled inside. Kelly was right behind him.

The living room and kitchen appeared surreally normal other than the thick smoke overhead. To their right was an open door that led down into the garage. Flames were hugging the walls of the stairwell, bright and ferocious as they darkened the plaster and ate away at the paint. Kelly affixed her mask over her face as Shelley led the charge and sent a strong blast of water at the encroaching fire.

Later they would determine an unattended space heater in the basement had been the origin. “Kid said heat rises,” Lieutenant Berg would explain when they were doing the overhaul. “He figured he’d put the space heater at the lowest point, turn it to the highest setting, and voila, the entire house would get warmed up.”

Kelly stepped back to look at the charred wall around the garage door and shrugged. “Well, we can’t exactly say he was wrong about that.”

The real damage from the fire was confined to the garage and stairwell, while the rest of the house got away with only smoke and water damage. Lieutenant Berg had a nice long talk with the homeowner about fire safety and, once they had done everything they could, they climbed back onto the rig to head back to the station.

Once they were underway, Trevor kicked Kelly’s boot. “You should have her cheat on you.”

Kelly stared at him. “What?”

“Your girlfriend. You want to break it off, but you don’t have a reason.”

“Oh. That. I was just venting. I didn’t know you were actually paying attention.” And she certainly hadn’t wanted his advice. “Forget I said anything.”

Trevor said, “No, listen, this is good. You find someone, some really hot chick, and you have her come onto Courtney when you’re not around. She cheats on you, you have a perfect reason to let her go. Right? It doesn’t matter if you gave her the ammunition if she willingly shoots herself in the foot with it.”

“You want me to hire someone to seduce my girlfriend?”

“I’ve seen your girlfriend,” he said. “Believe me, you’ll find someone willing to do it for free.”

Kelly smiled in spite of herself. “I’ll keep it in mind. I gotta believe there’s a less Machiavellian strategy out there, though.”

“Hey, fine by me. Just don’t say I never tried to help you out.”

Kelly had taken off her helmet when she got onto the rig, and she ran a hand through her hair as she relaxed against the seat. There was nothing like starting a shift with a fire. It set the tone and kept her keyed up for the entire day. She loved it, loved getting a jump on the excitement even though she knew the odds of another big call happening on the same shift were slim to none. It took some of the tension out of hanging around the station and freed up her mind to worry about other things.

Things like Courtney.

When they got back to the Stables, Otto Meoli whistled to her. “Your turn to cook tonight, Lake. Remember Lieutenant Berg’s dietary restrictions.”

“You can forget those if you want,” Berg muttered as he trudged toward his office.

Kelly said, “Sorry, Lieu. If your wife found out, she would come after me with a hatchet.”

“Just try to make it taste good, huh?” 

“I’ll do my best.” Once Berg was out of earshot she caught up with Meoli. “Yo. What do we have in the kitchen he can eat?”

“Chicken or fish,” he said, “Can’t go wrong with some chicken or fish.”

“Gee, thanks for the help. I should be all set now.”

He held his hands out and shrugged. “What? You want me to do all the work for you?”

She went upstairs and sat on the edge of her bed, using her phone to go online and look for some heart-healthy recipes. She remembered Courtney mentioning something about her grandmother and, after a moment’s hesitation, dialed the number.

“Courtney Garfield’s office.”

Kelly smiled. “Ooh, I like when you’re all professional.”

“Why, yes, I believe I can help you with that account,” Courtney cooed. 

“Stop, stop, you’re killing me.”

Courtney chuckled. “So you didn’t just call to hear me talk dirty?”

“Rain check,” she said. “I was actually calling because of something I think you said about your grandmother. She had a strict diet, right?”

“Uh. Yeah.” She laughed again. “Wow, didn’t expect that topic to come up. Why?”

Kelly explained about Lieutenant Berg’s health restrictions. “I think we have some chicken and fish. I could go to the store to pick some stuff up if need be.”

Courtney thought for a moment, making quiet humming noises. Kelly could picture her leaning back in her chair to look out the office window. 

“Oh! You know what he might like? Chicken and dumplings. Lots of vegetables, but it’s hearty and meaty. It’s a real man’s meal but his wife won’t kick your ass for it.”

“Chicken and dumplings...” She couldn’t remember anyone ever making that before, and she liked the idea of breaking new ground. “I’ll have to see what recipes I can find for it.”

“Don’t just go to the store and get a big can of it. Way too much sodium in those.”

“Okay. Thanks for the help.”

“It was a pleasure. Boring day at work so far?”

Kelly said, “Actually we got a fire right off the bat.” She explained the broad strokes of what happened, ashamed of herself even as she slightly embellished the run-of-the-mill call to make it sound a little more exciting without giving the impression she’d risked life and limb.

When she finished, Courtney exhaled softly into the phone. “I was in a staff meeting. I was doodling on a damn sheet of scrap paper and you were running into a burning house. You’re kind of like a superhero.”

“You said that when we met.”

“You keep reminding me of it, though. Stay safe, killer.”

“I will. Thank you for the recipe.”

“Let me know how it goes down with your boss.”

After they hung up, Kelly went to her phone’s photo album and scrolled back a few months. She skimmed through images of her and Courtney on a ferry, huddled together with Courtney’s coworkers and friends at a bar, reversing time until she found the first picture they had ever taken together. They were standing hip-to-hip outside a small, crowded club where a band they both loved was holding an impromptu concert. Kelly was wearing a black blouse unbuttoned enough to show off her T-shirt with the band’s logo, and Courtney wore a baggy tank top that showed off her body.

It had been total lust at first sight for both of them. Kelly first noticed Courtney’s arms and flanks, the part of her body that was exposed when she threw her arms up during a song. She could see the curve coming off her ribs, down to her hip, and she found herself focusing more on the shape of the body underneath her tank top than any of the songs she’d paid to hear.

When Courtney went to get a refill of her drink, Kelly moved through the crowd on an intercept course. They reached the bar at the same time, shared a friendly smile, and Kelly broke the ice by saying hello and introducing herself. They shook hands, made their way back through the crowd together, and this time Courtney was aware of Kelly’s presence to occasionally look back.

They met up again after the show, snapping the photo together before Courtney suggested going for coffee to sober them up for the drive home. It ended up being four coffees and a long conversation about their careers. It was in that otherwise-empty and warm diner that Courtney first called Kelly a superhero. She asked to feel Kelly’s bicep, then let her hand linger on the skin before finally pulling it back to her side of the booth.

They went back to Kelly’s apartment that night. If asked, Kelly wouldn’t admit to regretting any part of that night. Had they rushed into bed? Sure, maybe. Had they stretched out what should have been a no-strings-attached encounter into a relationship that wouldn’t survive in the long run? And worse, what if Courtney didn’t have any of these concerns? What if Courtney really believed they were going to be together forever?

Kelly rubbed her face. Maybe Trevor’s honey trap idea had some merit after all. She knew it was the coward’s way out. But she could deal with being a coward if it meant protecting Courtney’s feelings. She sighed and checked the internet for ingredients she would need to make Lieutenant Berg’s dinner. Downstairs Meoli and Tim Brott were washing the truck and exchanging verbal blows about an upcoming baseball game. Lieutenant Berg came out of his office and she lifted her hand to get his attention.

“Going to the market, Lieu.”

He aimed a finger at her. “Lobster. Dripping in butter. I already have my own mallet.”

“You’re going to need it when your wife gets hold of you. I promise you’ll like it.”

He growled and dismissed her with a wave. She went to her truck and pulled out her keys, casting a look at the bar across the street. It was currently closed and quiet, as if hibernating as it awaited her return. She resisted the urge to wave at the building as she pulled out of the parking lot and tried to remember where the closest grocery store was.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**  
Kelly picked up the celery and added it to the basket she was carrying, glancing down at her phone as she continued to the next aisle. A pair of guys near one of the coolers glanced up as she passed them. One whispered to the other and prompted a quick and quickly-shushed giggle fit. Kelly almost let it go but decided she had been ignoring far too many emotions lately. She had left the firehouse in her navy blue trousers and a matching T-shirt with the SFD logo on the back, and she was positive it was the logo prompting their amusement. She’d heard enough bullshit about female firefighters for one lifetime, and for once she decided she wasn’t going to ignore it. She might not have the guts to confront Courtney, but a pair of moron twenty-year-olds in the Safeway frozen food section was right up her alley. 

She turned and faced the boys, her basket dangling from her fingers. “Something wrong, boys?”

“Nothing, ma’am,” the whisperer said. He cleared his throat and squared his shoulders in an attempt to look innocent.

Kelly looked at his friend, the giggler. “You have something you want to say?”

He shook his head. “Not a thing.”

“Sure?” She raised her eyebrows and shrugged. “I’m standing right here.”

Giggler said, “No, ma’am. Just wanted to say how cool it was that they had lady firefighters.”

“Yeah. Since the seventies actually. When your parents were still drunken morons. You’d think you guys would be used to it by now.”

Whisperer said, “Yeah, I mean, I just didn’t know they did the cooking. Do you wash the windows of the station, too?”

Giggler giggled again. Kelly smirked and stepped closer to Whisperer. He stood his ground, all confidence and machismo now that he was being forced to defend himself. Kelly lowered her voice to a threatening murmur when she spoke. 

“Yeah, I cook. I wash the truck and I sweep the house. And when one of your asshole friends falls asleep with a joint in his mouth, or you try to heat up a Hot Pocket using a Bunsen burner, I’m going to be the lady in a hundred pounds of gear crawling through the flames to haul your asses out of there. So the next time you think you smell smoke, I want you to think about this and wonder if I’m the type of person who will hold a grudge. Cook those TV dinners carefully, boys.”

The kid had deflated considerably, and she turned her back on him and walked away. She’d had a lot of time to hone the speech, putting it together after various “if only I’d thought of it at the time” encounters or “if only I had the guts” moments. It felt good to finally drop it on somebody. Anyone with half a brain would know it was the emptiest of threats. Fires were indiscriminate and firefighters had no ability to pick and choose who they saved. Fire was a great equalizer. 

“Nice speech.”

She blinked the real world back into focus and saw a pretty brunette with a pixie haircut halfway down the aisle. The other woman smiled shyly and focused on the pasta she had been comparing.

“Thanks. I figured I’d just ignored it enough, you know?”

“Yeah. When I was a little girl a firefighter went back into a burning building to save my cat. I never forgot that. So since you had to deal with those ungrateful little brats, I’ll say thank you.”

Kelly smiled. “Thanks. I appreciate that. And yeah, cats... I’d definitely go back in for a cat. Dogs... eh. I’d be conflicted.”

The woman laughed. “I’m Stephanie.”

“Hi. Kelly.” She closed the distance between them and juggled her phone in order to shake Stephanie’s hand. “Sorry. I’m trying to keep track of the ingredients list I need for the dinner I’m making tonight.”

“Well, I wish you luck. And I hope those idiots are the last ones you have to deal with.”

“Thanks.”

Kelly watched Stephanie go and thought about Trevor’s advice. Tricking Courtney into cheating was a horrible, awful plot and she would never do it just to make things easier on herself. If _she_ cheated on Courtney, on the other hand, that would make her the villain. She closed her eyes and shook her head until the threads holding that thought together snapped. She wasn’t a cheater, she had never and would never cheat on anyone she was committed to. Just the idea nauseated her, made her think of the flowered dress and the unseen man violating her mother.

She picked up a box of homestyle dumplings and added them to her basket. She quickly got the rest of the items on her list and headed for the checkout before she was forced to interact with any other human beings.

#

Lieutenant Berg made the usual growling and grumbling noises about his diet, poking at his bowl with a fork and asking her to confirm it was actually fit for human consumption before he finally took the smallest bite. When the meal was over and she was loading the dishwasher, he came up behind her and patted her elbow. “Lake, uh. Keep that recipe, all right? I may have Sara call you for it. That was some damn good stuff, lemme tell ya. Probably the best thing I’ve eaten without guilt in a long time.”

Kelly grinned. “I’ll add it to my repertoire.”

She could hear Trevor and the probie, Tarik Massi, talking trash to each other out in the apparatus bay. Tarik was the first Muslim firefighter she’d ever worked with, and a couple of the old-timers seemed to have decided that was the new minority they could get up in arms about. No more bitching about the black firefighters, had to be resigned to the lady firefighters, but oh, a Muslim has signed up, praise be. No one in the Stables seemed to care very much one way or the other as long as he showed up and did the work. Lieutenant Berg had gone into his office after leaving the kitchen. Otto and Scott were out front playing one-on-one.

Kelly scraped some of the leftover chicken bits onto a plate and took it out into the back alley behind the station. There was a wide strip of concrete, about the size of a small parking lot, where they occasionally held drills or exercised. She crouched down and held the plate out in front of her, clucking her tongue as she scanned the shrubbery that started about ten feet away before exploding into a small wild forest.

As usual she didn’t have to wait long. The svelte calico cat broke free from the shadows and hurried over to her as she sat the plate down. “Hey, Pyro.” The cat gave her an obligatory bump of his head against her knee before he buried his face in the chicken leavings. The cat predated her assignment to the station, and even Lieutenant Berg couldn’t remember exactly when the critter had shown up. As far as they were concerned he was the true resident of the station and they were just borrowing the space. She scratched him between the ears and left him to his meal.

She was halfway up the stairs when the alarm went again. She reacted without thinking, turning on her heel and crossing the bay at a run. She was geared up and climbing onto the rig before she entertained the idea that they’d gotten their second big call of the shift. The odds were good it was a rescue or a car accident, something minor that they could deal with in an hour. Otto threw himself behind the wheel and guided the truck out onto the street.

“Anyone ever had a fire on Nob Hill?”

“Oh, God,” Trevor said. “North side?”

“Yep.”

“Street’s gonna be vertical. I just know it. That whole side of town is a freaking wall.”

A chorus of groans answered that revelation. Kelly bowed forward and put her hair into a quick and tight braid. She covered it with her helmet, shoving it down as if it was too small, then jutting her chin forward to cinch the strap tight. Beneath the tires the street seemed to steadily rise with each turn they made. Outside it was overcast and dark so the window next to Kelly’s seat looked as if it had been shuttered. 

“Two alarms,” Lieutenant Berg called from the front seat. “Looks like this afternoon might’ve just been the preview.”

Kelly thought about the woman she’d met at the grocery store, and Whisperer and his Giggling Friend. She wondered where they had gone after the store. Probably to home, to television, to some mundane activity. Now she was racing blindly into a potentially deadly situation to crawl into the darkness in order to save strangers. It made her feel bad for getting in those kids’ faces. She didn’t have to prove anything to them, and stooping to their level had just made her petty.

The truck took another turn. Kelly and Scott sagged forward against their seatbelts as if they were being tugged up the first hill of a roller coaster. “Damn, Trevor. You weren’t kidding,” Otto said from the front seat. “Target is dead ahead.”

“Of course it is. We’re going to be spraying uphill,” Trevor said, “and it’s gonna be falling right back in our faces. This is going to be hell.”

Berg agreed. “Screw the grass, Otto. Take us over the median. Get us up close. It’s bad enough we have to go up those damned steps. Brott, Probie, find us a hydrant.”

The truck lunged forward and leapt the curb, crashing over the grass. Now through the window Kelly could see houses with lawns that ended sharply at stone retaining walls. People were standing around and sagging against chain-link fences as the fire truck rocked and rolled over the circular grass roundabout to get them as close to the fire as possible.

Kelly unstrapped from her seat and climbed out onto the horribly angled road. There was an engine at the mouth of the dead-end street to divert traffic. Kelly turned to look at the source of the fire. It was a three-story red brick school that had been converted into cheap housing. The road dead-ended at a roundabout, which would have been handy for picking up and dropping off students but prevented them from getting their engine where it needed to be. A flight of stone steps led up, then branched off in either direction to continue toward two different front entrances.

“This is bullshit,” Trevor said as he joined her on the street.

“You got something better to do with your night?” Kelly asked.

“Well, when you put it that way.”

Scott Shelley got the nozzle and led the charge up the stairs. Kelly and Trevor lifted the hose so it wouldn’t have to run along the bends of the stairs. As they were straightening it they heard glass breaking. All three turned toward the source of the sound and watched a pillar of black smoke spread outward like a cartoon bomb had gone off.

“The ladder won’t reach that far,” Trevor said, voicing everyone’s fears. Kelly looked back and saw the ladder rising regardless. It swung across the massive sloping lawn with Tarik and Otto in the cherry picker. Someone crawled halfway out of the window and hung on the sill. Kelly thought it looked like a discarded mannequin, but the man’s shoulders were jerking violently with the force of his coughing. He lifted his head and saw the ladder moving slowly in his direction.

Kelly knew what he was going to do even before he moved. She shouted for him to stop, but he was already upright. He leapt. Tarik lunged to catch the man’s outstretched arms and nearly tumbled out of the basket for his trouble. Otto grabbed hold of Tarik’s coat and saved the probie’s life, but the civilian’s leap proved tragically short. Kelly, Trevor, and Scott watched as the man came down hard on the lawn.

The window he’d escaped from was already awash with violently lapping flames. Trevor smacked Kelly’s shoulder hard, breaking the shock of what she had just seen, and he shoved her ahead of him. She pushed aside the horror of the man’s death and focused on her job.

She had a fire to put out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**  
Kelly liked the in-between times with Courtney. She was straight-laced at work, completely serious when it came to a client or a conference call. While Kelly appreciated the skirts, heels, and silky blouses that came with the job, she didn’t much care for that singular obsession with money and numbers. Then when the weekend rolled around, Courtney completely left her professional persona behind for “mental health revitalization.” She wore ripped jeans and sleeveless T-shirts, or lounged around the apartment in workout clothes and bare feet. Kelly liked that outfit, too. But she could do without some of the slovenly behavior that came with her rocker mentality. She played music loud, she occasionally didn’t shower from Friday to Sunday night, and she generally just became a pain in the butt sometime around Sunday morning.

But Courtney couldn’t flip a switch from one to the other. Those were the times Kelly liked the best, when she wasn’t one or the other but the best parts of both. It was that woman, the one who wore a designer blouse over ten-year-old jeans to take a load of laundry downstairs, the one who danced through the kitchen in her business clothes, that Kelly wished she could have all the time. That was the person Kelly believed she could love.

Her mind was filled with thoughts of Courtney, probably at their apartment that very instant and unaware that Kelly was standing on the precipice of a life-altering decision on their relationship. Courtney was probably painting her toes while she chatted with a friend from work, or napping in the hopes of being awake when Kelly’s shift ended. Kelly realized she hadn’t called to say hello after dinner. Courtney liked to know they were eating together even if they were apart.

Scott and Trevor preceded her into the building. Smoke poured from above, rolling down the stairs like a malevolent being. They still had enough visibility to reach the bottom of the stairs but once they started up they might as well have been blindfolded. Scott broke off to the right to make sure the ground floor was evacuated as Kelly took the hose and followed Trevor up to the second floor where the smoke was even thicker.

They had just reached the landing when something cracked and crashed behind them. Kelly turned and watched as a flame-wrapped section of the ceiling crashed down onto the stairs directly behind her. She tugged on the hose to ensure it wasn’t pinned down and then patted Trevor’s shoulder to tell him to keep going forward. He nodded and was immediately engulfed in the smoke pouring down over them both. She forced herself to ignore the fact they were now trapped on the second floor of a building that their ladder couldn’t reach and continued on.

Kelly felt as if her entire head had been wrapped in a thick towel, blinding her and muffling every sound. She kept one hand on the hose and the other against the wall to keep her from trailing too far away from her path. Someone was shouting up ahead of them but she couldn’t pinpoint the location. Kelly had a mental flash of Courtney again and pushed it away. The corridor ended with a large picture window and she paused to knock the glass out with her axe. Smoke poured out and visibility cleared to slightly better than it had been. She could at least make out shapes and movement.

Someone slammed into Trevor and dominoed him back into her, threatening to knock them both off their feet. Kelly tangled with Trevor’s air tank, careful that she didn’t dislodge anything in her attempt to get him off of her. The fleeing man was tall and gangly, his face blackened by soot. He was dressed in a white T-shirt and sweatpants, and Kelly looked down to see his feet were bare.

Trevor shouted at the man through his mask, his voice muffled and alien, and the man spoke through a rough cough.

“The back stairs,” he said, bending his elbow across his face to stifle a cough that doubled him over. “There are two... exits on either side of the building.”

“How many more people are here?”

He looked at Kelly in confusion for so long that she almost repeated herself, but then he said, “Eight families. Dunno how many are... here tonight.”

Eight families. 

Trevor turned the man around and pushed him toward the alternate exits. They continued feeling their way along the wall until their hands found a door. Trevor continued on with the hose while Kelly stopped and banged the flat side of her fist against the wood. “Fire department!” she bellowed. When no one answered she turned my back to the door, mule-kicked it open, and went inside. Kelly made a quick circuit, breaking out windows to add more ventilation, then returned to the corridor. Trevor was putting water on an outbreak of flames at the end of the hallway as Kelly moved to the next apartment. It was empty as well, but she searched every room just to be positive. 

When she broke out their window she saw that another engine had trekked up the hill and parked itself on a very precarious knoll. The ladder was extended toward the building but anyone going down would have an extreme battle with vertigo. There were rules about how close the trucks could get in case there was a collapse, but someone had made a judgment call and would most likely get reamed about it in some post-incident review. Kelly was grateful to see the lifeline, and she would stand up in defense of anyone who had made sure they had a way out.

She left the apartment and slapped Trevor’s arm. “We have a ladder, but it’s going to be a bitch getting anyone to go down it.”

“Given their options...”

She nodded and continued her search. Water was now spraying into the building from outside. She had just knocked on an apartment door when she heard a series of cracks from the far end of the hall, opposite where Trevor was standing. There was a deafening crash from inside one of the apartments and Kelly knew instinctively that the ceiling had just caved in. She shouted a warning to Trevor but he could only step back before the apartment door two feet to his left exploded outward.

He dropped to the floor and avoided being engulfed but the flames had cut them off from each other. Kelly broke down the door of the nearest apartment and hit the ground as the flames raced down the corridor as if in pursuit of her. She pushed up the brim of her helmet and crawled across the carpet, using her knees and elbows to propel herself deeper into the relative safety of the apartment. She had almost made it to the window when a hand shot out from underneath an upturned piece of furniture and grabbed hold of her coat sleeve. The fingers were tiny and smudged with ash. Kelly changed direction and pushed her head into the gap to see a little girl staring at her with terrified eyes.

“Hey.” She realized how monstrous she must have looked so she reached up and unfastened her mask. She pulled it away from her face and smiled. “I’m Kelly. What’s your name?”

“Madison.”

“Hi, Madison. I’m going to put this mask over your face, and then you can breathe my air. Would that be okay?” The girl nodded and Kelly carefully placed the mask on. “Okay. Is anybody else at home with you?” Madison shook her head no. “I’m going to pull you out of there and then I’m going to carry you over to a window. It’s going to be scary, but I’ll have you the whole time, okay?”

Madison answered with a very quiet, muffled, “Okay,” and Kelly grabbed her tightly before shuffling out. She cradled the girl to her chest and carried her back into the hallway, turned to the left, and ran to the window at the end of the hall. She held Madison’s face to her coat and looked outside to see the cherry picker swinging toward her.

“Hey! I got a little girl here!”

The basket moved toward her. “Okay, Madison, it’s going to be okay. I’m going to hand you off to someone in a second, and he’s going to take you down a big long ladder. Don’t look down when he does it, all right? It’s going to look very scary, but I want you to keep your eyes closed and trust him. Can you do that for me?”

Madison nodded.

“Good girl.”

She didn’t recognize the firefighter in the basket, but his helmet said that he was with Station 4. He held out his arms and Kelly handed the little girl over, retrieving her mask before withdrawing back into the building. 

“Keep your eyes closed, Madison,” Kelly reminded her. To the firefighter she said, “The stairs got knocked out behind us. We have eight families in here, no idea how many of them are home. We were told there were three other exits.”

“The northern exit is blocked. We’re trying to get it clear now. We got crews keeping the other two clear for you. The top floor is where the real shit is happening.”

Kelly nodded and coughed as she put her mask back on. Trevor had managed to knock down the fire quite a bit while she was taking care of the little girl and she stepped around the flames to continue her search. She had just passed Trevor when he grabbed the back of her coat and yanked her back. The ceiling was covered with billowing black smoke shot through with serpent-tongues of flame. She heard wood warping and cracking and watched as the entire section of the ceiling came crashing down around them. The floor under their feet suddenly became less than solid and Kelly grabbed Trevor’s arm to keep herself steady.

“This place is going down!” he shouted.

“North exit is blocked!” He shook his head to indicate he hadn’t understood her, and she unfastened her mask again. She coughed and repeated herself. “West side of the building! They’re keeping the way open for us.”

Trevor looked at the flames and she knew exactly what he was thinking. To retreat now was to admit failure, but to stay and fight meant they would need rescuing as well. She tightened her grip on Trevor’s arm and pushed him ahead of her. They turned a corner and saw a flight of stairs leading down. Twenty feet beyond the stairs was an open apartment door. A man and woman appeared in the doorway and locked eyes with Kelly and Trevor.

A second later the floor collapsed. Trevor grabbed Kelly to his side as they fell, twisting so that she was on top of him just before they hit the ground. Kelly was cushioned by his bulk and looked up to see if the family had taken the fall with them. Above her she could see the hole they had fallen through being obscured by smoke. 

“Hey! Are you still there?” She coughed and wanted her mask, but she knew there was no way they could hear her if she put it on. “Go to the stairs! The firefighters will get you out!” 

She didn’t hear anything else from above, so she got to her feet and checked Trevor. He was unconscious and she dreaded the thought of dragging him out herself. She had just gotten her hands situated under his armpits when someone broke through the debris behind her. She turned to see Scott and she nodded for him to come help her.

“I thought the roof came down on you,” she said, her voice rough.

“Damn near did,” he said.

With his help she managed to get Trevor out and away from the building. Kelly turned her back and coughed, bending at the waist and clutching her stomach. Her helmet fell off and bounced across the wet pavement and she bent to scoop it up. The act of reaching down made her lightheaded and she swooned. Someone grabbed her and she snapped back to full awareness to see Otto was propping her up.

“Hey, Otto,” she said.

“Hey, sister. Why don’t you just come over here for a second?”

She shook her head. “There are people in there. Eight families.”

“I know, but you’re looking a little worse for wear.”

Kelly saw paramedics dealing with Trevor. “He needs help.”

“Yeah, he’s getting it. Sit down, Kelly.”

She sat on the bumper of a vehicle and looked up at the building. The entire upper floor was engulfed with flames that reached out of every window and curled over the edge of the roof. Inside she could hear the crack and crash as more of the building gave way and collapsed. 

“Are all our people out?” she asked just before someone fitted an oxygen mask over her face.

“Yeah, they’re all out,” Otto said. “Lieutenant Berg called for us to fall back. All we can do right now is keep it from jumping to the rest of these houses.”

Kelly nodded, but she couldn’t muster up much enthusiasm. She didn’t know how many families had been home when the fire broke out, or how many had managed to escape before the call went out. She could only think about the people she’d seen stranded on the second floor who were likely still up there somewhere. She wondered how many people like Madison were cowering under their furniture waiting for a rescue that was never coming.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**  
The paramedics recommended taking Kelly to the emergency room when they took Trevor. Kelly balked at the idea of distracting them when Trevor was so much more in need of assistance than she was, but Otto assured her they had more than enough doctors to go around. Eventually she accepted the fact she wouldn’t get a chance to go back into the building until the fire was out anyway, so she climbed into the back of the ambulance and stared at her friend lying unconscious on the gurney. She had a strange out-of-body moment as she realized she was, for once, in a siren-wailing vehicle driving _away_ from a fire, but the oddity of the moment was ruined by another bout of coughing.

When she arrived at the hospital she reluctantly let them take Trevor away while she was shuffled into a curtained area near the nurses’ station. She took off her gear and coughed again at the acrid smoky smell that rose up when she dumped it on a chair. Her hands and face reminded her of Dick van Dyke in _Mary Poppins_ , covered with ashy black smears, and the thought prompted a laugh that quickly turned into a nasty coughing fit. She put her hands on her knees and bent over to couch, her throat raw and her eyes tearing up as she tried to get the roughness out of her throat. She was so dizzy that she stayed in that position until the world stopped spinning around her. 

When she finally straightened a nurse was watching her with an arched eyebrow. “Let me guess,” he said. “You’re going to try and tell me you’re fine even after that?”

Kelly cleared her throat. “You’ve seen a lot of firefighters, I guess?”

He nodded. “Yep. And strangely enough, there was never anything wrong with them. Isn’t that weird?” He gestured at the bed. “Have a seat. Let’s see what’s not wrong with you.”

While he was examining her, the curtain pushed back and Kevin nearly knocked the nurse over in his rush. He was still wearing his uniform shirt and pants, meaning his station hadn’t been called to Nob Hill. He was wild-eyed and almost trembling from unspent adrenaline, and he exhaled when he saw she was sitting up. 

“They said you were at the hospital.”

“Smoke inhalation,” she said. “Trevor’s upstairs. He’s hurt pretty bad.” She coughed again. “Is Dad here?”

“Nah, we convinced him he would just get in the way. But he sent me down to be a spy.”

Kelly nodded. She knew that he would never accept the doctor’s word about her condition. She held out her hand to her twin, and Kevin took it. 

“Scared me,” he said.

“Me too.” She fought back the ball of emotion threatening to rise in her throat, threatening to burst free in a tsunami of tears and ugly sobbing. “Thanks for coming, Kev.”

“Sure thing, brat. Kyle wanted to come, but we figured the fewer Lakes lingering around here the better, you know?”

Kelly grinned at the nurse. “The hospital probably prefers it that way.”

“Kelly!”

Kevin and the nurse turned, and Kelly tensed as she watched Courtney rush across the emergency room to join them in the curtained area. Kelly felt ice cold as Courtney put her arms around her, hugging tightly as Kevin and the nurse looked on.

“I heard it was your station at the fire, and then the news said some firefighters were brought to the hospital.” She took a trembling breath and put her hands on Kelly’s neck, stepping back just enough to look into her eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I’m... fine.” She reached up and pulled Courtney’s hands away. “Um. Courtney Garfield, this... this is my twin brother, Kevin. Kev, this... uh, this is a friend of mine.”

Courtney’s attitude changed, as if a veil had been drawn over her. “Oh.” She turned to face Kevin and smiled. “Hi. I’m sorry. I got a little carried away there, I guess.”

“Nah, she’s pretty special. And a drama queen. I think she likes making people worry about her.”

Courtney chuckled. “Yeah.” She looked at Kelly with something close to apology. “I shouldn’t have just barged in here like this. I’m sorry.”

The nurse shrugged. “I’m used to it. But I really do need to examine her.”

“Right.” Kevin looked at Courtney and gestured down the hall with his head. “I’ll buy you a cup of coffee while we wait for her to get the all-clear.”

Courtney nodded and squeezed Kelly’s hand. “I’ll come by and see you again before I go.”

“Okay. Thanks for coming down.”

Courtney and Kevin walked off and Kelly breathed a sigh of relief that the situation had ended without an explosion.

The nurse pulled the curtain closed and stepped in front of her to continue the examination. “So I guess your brother didn’t know that was your girlfriend, huh?”

Kelly whimpered.

#

The doctor kept her at the hospital until midnight for observation, but she finally pestered him enough that he agreed to send her home. He gave her a cortisone inhaler in case she needed it. Kevin left to report her condition to their parents in person, pausing by the bed to tell her Courtney had offered to drive her home. He also took her bunkers and the gear she’d worn to the hospital to drop it off at her station. When the doctor finally released her, she followed Courtney out to the parking lot and sank into the passenger seat of her car. She realized her hair was still in a braid so she reached back and tugged it free as Courtney got behind the wheel.

“You okay?”

Kelly nodded as she ran her fingers through her hair. “I’m okay.”

Courtney pulled out of the parking lot and turned toward home. “I looked online and it said they had the fire under control.”

“Oh. Good. Are they still there?”

“Yeah. Trying to find the source of the fire, I guess?”

Kelly nodded. “Making sure it doesn’t flare back up. God, what a mess.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” She reached over and rubbed Kelly’s arm. “I didn’t like being called your ‘friend’ back there, though.”

“Courtney,” she sighed and rolled her head forward. “Please, can we just drop it? I don’t want to have a fight right now.”

“No fight.” She reached up and stroked Kelly’s hair, then returned her hand to the wheel. “I just wanted you to know you mean more to me than just a friend. We haven’t said this in a while, but I do love you, Kelly.”

“I love you, too.”

The words came easily because she didn’t necessarily have to lie. If she didn’t love Courtney their situation would be a whole lot easier. She could just cut her loose and start looking for the next conquest. Emotions were just screwing everything up, making her dig in her heels because she didn’t want to hurt Courtney if she was just in a funk. Maybe the feelings would come swirling back, maybe she would fall head over heels again. For the time being, though, she didn’t feel like a liar returning the sentiment.

Courtney parked and helped Kelly upstairs. She left the overhead lights off and instead took Kelly directly to the bedroom. “Do you want me to stay tonight? The doctor said you should have someone look after you, but...”

“Stay.” Kelly put her hands on Courtney’s shoulders and then moved up into her hair. She stepped closer and Courtney slipped both hands around her waist. They kissed, swaying together at the foot of the bed in the dark.

Courtney stepped back. “Sit down.”

Kelly did as she was told, and Courtney knelt in front of her. She untied one boot, then the other, and carefully slipped them off. Kelly rested her hands in her lap and watched as her socks were rolled down. She put her bare foot on the floor and curled her toes in the carpet. She closed her eyes and remembered being in the fire, the alarming instability of the floor under her feet. The apartment felt extremely cold after the burning building and suddenly the entire moment felt imaginary. Her armor was being removed a piece at a time, leaving her small and exposed. For the first time since escaping the building she felt human. Frail.

Courtney brushed Kelly’s stomach when she started to lift her T-shirt, the backs of her fingers soft against her abdomen. “Arms,” Courtney whispered, and Kelly complied. The shirt was tossed aside and Courtney brushed her fingers down the curve of Kelly’s breast. She bent forward and kissed just above the left cup of her bra, and Kelly closed her eyes. She stroked Courtney’s hair and guided her head back up to find her lips.

Kelly parted her lips and closed them again around the tip of Courtney’s tongue. Courtney scooted forward on her knees, hands resting lightly on Kelly’s waist. She hooked two fingers on Kelly’s belt loops and leaned back to break the kiss.

“Baby, are you sure? You’ve been through a lot, and...”

“I need to do this,” Kelly said. She pecked the corners of Courtney’s mouth. “Please.”

Courtney kissed her again and moved her hands to the Kelly’s belt buckle. Once it was unfastened Kelly lifted up off the mattress and helped Courtney push her pants down. She pulled her feet free and then pushed back toward the headboard. She curled her fingers in the collar of Courtney’s blouse and pulled her along, lying flat on the mattress with Courtney above her. Courtney reached toward the nightstand but Kelly stopped her.

“No toys. Just you. I just want you.”

Courtney nodded and linked her fingers with Kelly’s. One-handed, she managed to unhook Kelly’s bra and, while she was tossing it aside, pushed her underwear down as well. Kelly kicked the briefs off the edge of the bed with her heel as Courtney settled on top of her fully-clothed. She hooked her leg on Courtney’s hip, and Courtney brushed Kelly’s inner thigh with the back of her hand. Kelly pressed her head down into the pillow and closed her eyes, stretching and shuddering when Courtney’s clothes brushed against her skin.

“You’re my hero,” Courtney whispered against Kelly’s lips. “You’re so brave and so strong.”

Kelly whispered, “I love you.” Part of it was an apology for only saying it as a response the past few times, part of it was to convince herself she wasn’t just using Courtney to get off. Their lips parted and Kelly slipped her tongue into Courtney’s mouth, and Courtney moaned as she cupped Kelly’s mound with her hand. Kelly lifted her hips to meet her and slid her arms around Courtney to pull her closer. She ran her hands down Courtney’s back and untucked her shirt. As she pushed her hand under the blouse, Courtney curled one finger and rubbed the knuckle against Kelly’s folds.

“My pretty firelady,” Courtney whispered. 

Kelly grunted and writhed as Courtney’s finger slowly pushed inside of her. She curled her fingers on Courtney’s skin, arching her back as she pushed down. Courtney moved her lips to Kelly’s neck and softly sucked before moving up to her earlobe.

“More?” Courtney whispered.

“More, please...”

Courtney added a second finger and pressed the pad of her thumb against Kelly’s clit. She rubbed in a slow circle, speeding up only when Kelly’s breathing became heavy. After a few deep heaves, suddenly she drew in sharply and started to cough. Courtney’s hand went still and she lifted her head.

“Kel...”

“It’s fine... don’t stop.” Her voice was rough, but she reached down and stroked Courtney’s forearm. “Don’t stop. Please...”

Courtney began to move her hand again, and Kelly cleared her throat in a fierce growl. She knew Courtney was watching her, looking for any signs that she needed to stop and take her inhaler, but the fit had passed. Kelly swallowed easily and took a shaky but reasonably healthy breath. She sat up and captured Courtney’s lips, and she felt the tension fading from Courtney’s body as they picked up where they had left off. It didn’t take much before Kelly’s breathing sped up again and she was clutching Courtney’s wrist.

When Kelly relaxed again, she lifted her feet and hooked her ankles behind Courtney’s back. She rolled them, nearly taking them off the edge of the bed, and sat up. Courtney smiled up at her and Kelly began unbuttoning her blouse from the bottom. She pushed the cloth out of the way and brushed her hands over the smooth skin of Courtney’s chest. Courtney closed her eyes when Kelly dipped under the lacy edge of her bra to tease her nipples.

“Sorry I worried you,” Kelly whispered. “But I’m glad you worried. Does that make sense?”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

Kelly bent down and kissed her. Courtney helped her take the rest of her clothes off, taking their time between each item to touch each other. By the time Kelly slid down and eased Courtney’s legs apart, she was already on the verge. Kelly took her time, however, by exploring Courtney’s thighs and the patch of dark hair just above. Courtney put a hand on top of Kelly’s head and grunted insistently.

Kelly grinned. “Impatient...”

“Yeah, fuck, please.”

“Well, since you said please.” She parted Courtney’s folds with her tongue and Courtney cried out. Her orgasm wasn’t far behind, and Kelly kept her eyes open to watch the different expressions passing over Courtney’s face before she collapsed. Her breasts rose and fell with each heavy breath, and Kelly pushed up high enough to rest her cheek on the gentle curve of Courtney’s stomach. Courtney lifted her hand and dropped it wearily on Kelly’s head.

“I’m really glad you’re safe,” Courtney whispered.

Kelly closed her eyes and kissed Courtney’s navel. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“Sure... sure.” She stroked Kelly’s hair, pulling at the waves that had been left from her braid. Kelly sighed and stroked Courtney’s hip. She drifted off slowly, but she was fairly sure that Courtney was still awake and watching her when she finally did get to sleep. Part of her was certain that knowing Courtney was there was the only thing that allowed her brain to shut itself down at all.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**  
Twice during the night Kelly started coughing enough to wake her up. The first time Courtney handed her the inhaler, but the second time she found it herself and took a deep hit from it. Each time Courtney stroked her back until the spell passed, and then holding her until she fell back to sleep. The attacks meant that she didn’t sleep as deeply as she usually did, and her dreams were oddly disjointed affairs of memory mixed with hallucinations.

She remembered the first time she and Courtney said “I love you” to each other. It was after a Mariners game, hiding under an awning until the rain let up enough for them to walk the rest of the way home. Water was dripping from the brim of the cap Courtney had bought for her, and she licked the raindrops from her lips before pulling Courtney to her for a kiss. The game had been Courtney’s idea, and Kelly had reluctantly allowed herself to be dragged along. In the end she enjoyed the game more than Courtney had.

When they parted Courtney brushed the rainwater off Kelly’s face and chuckled. “The big bad firefighter hiding from water. What would the guys at the station say?”

“They’d say she must really love that girl of hers.”

Courtney smiled awkwardly. “Well...”

“I didn’t slip up,” Kelly said. “I love you, Courtney.”

Courtney smiled. “I love you, too.”

It wasn’t the first time Kelly had ever said those words or heard them back, but she knew they had taken on a deeper meaning this time. When they got finally home they took their time getting out of their wet clothes and made love, wrapping themselves in blankets afterward. The cozy memory blended with her current reality, even though she still felt hot from the fire, and she nestled closer to Courtney and breathed a little easier.

The next time she woke the bedroom was bright enough to convince her she might as well get up. She opened her eyes and looked at the empty mattress next to her, unconcerned since she could hear Courtney speaking softly on the phone somewhere in the room. She blinked to focus her eyes, pushed her hair out of her face, and rolled onto her back. Courtney was standing in the bedroom doorway looking out into the hall. She was wearing T-shirt that had ridden up over her butt to show off her black panties, and she was speaking softly into the phone. “No, she’s sleeping right now. I don’t know, but as long as she needs to. I’ve been making sure she’s breathing all right. No, I called in sick to work.”

Kelly felt a clenching in her chest, a surge of love for Courtney and guilt at all the doubt she’d been having the past few weeks. She sat up and stretched her legs, rustling the bedclothes as she did. Courtney looked over her shoulder at the sound and pressed the phone against her shoulder.

“Hey. You should go back to sleep.”

“I’m fine. Who are you talking to?”

Courtney started to answer, but then put the phone back to her ear. “Hey, she actually just woke up. Do you want to talk to her?” She listened for a second and crossed the room, holding the phone out. “It’s Chief Dobbs.”

She took the phone and gathered the blankets around her. Courtney went into the bathroom to give her a bit of privacy. “Chief. How is Trevor?”

“He’s stable, but still unconscious. He had some swelling in his brain, so the doctors decided to keep him out for the time being. They’re confident, I guess. The more important question is how are you doing? Everyone’s been asking after you.”

“I’m fine. I feel like a sucker for letting them take me away last night.”

“Trust me, we all saw Otto’s face after you left. The man thought you were about to keel over. Take your time and rest up. We need you hundred percent or not at all. Understood?”

“Yes, sir. Is that why you called?”

He sighed. “No. Have you heard any news this morning?”

“I’ve been asleep. What’s happening?”

“Avoid it. Avoid it as long as possible, okay? Just leave the TV off, no internet. Just relax and feel better.”

“The doctor said I would be fine for my next shift.” She was searching the nightstand for the TV remote. “Seriously, Chief, what’s going on?”

“Media nonsense. Nothing you need to concern yourself with. I’m calling everyone who had boots on the ground last night and telling them to blackout.”

“You’re scaring me. What’s going on?”

He sighed heavily. “Long story short? We’re pretty much getting chewed out for being unprepared, slow, panicky, and leaving people behind when we evacuated the building. There are pictures of the ladder too far away from the building, and people are talking about the guy who jumped out the window as soon as we got there.”

“How many people were inside?” Kelly asked.

“This isn’t something you need to worry about right now, or at all. It’ll blow over by the time you’re back here. Trust me.”

“How many, Isaac?”

He was quiet for a long time, so long that she almost repeated herself, but finally he answered. “Eleven.”

She closed her eyes. “Kids?”

“Kelly...”

“Come on, boss. I wanna hear it from you, not the TV.”

He sighed again. “Six kids, five adults.”

“God damn it.” Kelly pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. She felt a tickle in her throat, but it wasn’t bad enough to want her inhaler. 

“There was nothing we could’ve done, Kelly. You know that. You and Scotty barely made it out of there in one piece. Trevor... I know he’ll make it, but it’s touch and go right now.”

She thought about the floor collapsing. If Trevor hadn’t turned, he would have landed on her. Under the weight of him, plus his gear, she would have been crushed. She shuddered at the realization and hugged herself. Courtney came out of the bathroom with her skirt already on over her slip. She sat on the edge of the bed. Kelly reached out and put a hand on Courtney’s shoulder for support. Courtney reached up and squeezed her fingers.

“Thank you for the warning. I’ll leave the TV off.”

“Good. Like I said, this will all most likely blow over soon enough. Just focus on getting better.”

“I will.”

She hung up and reached out to touch Courtney. “Thank you for answering that for me. I didn’t even hear it ring.”

“You didn’t hear any of the ringing. Your father, all of your brothers, they’ve been leaving messages all morning.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

Kelly noticed the time. “Damn, babe. You should have left twenty minutes ago.”

“No, like I told your boss, I’m staying home today. You need me more than the Gillespie account does.” 

“I appreciate that, but you really don’t have to stay home all day just to take care of me.”

“I want to. I have a few personal days saved up. I couldn’t concentrate if I knew you were back here all by yourself.”

Kelly got onto her knees and hugged Courtney from behind. “I don’t deserve you.”

Courtney laughed and leaned back to kiss her. “No, but you’re doing your best to make yourself worthy. I appreciate the effort.”

“Bitch.” Kelly kissed Courtney’s neck. “Want some breakfast?”

“Yeah, but no cooking. I don’t want you around fire today. We can go down to Sweetgrass.”

Kelly wrinkled her nose. “Health food?”

Courtney started to protest but Kelly could see her changing her mind. She twisted on the bed and pulled Kelly down to spoon against her. “You know, you’re right. You deserve something special after everything you’ve been through. We’ll go to Mancuso’s. You’ll get a big plate of eggs, some crispy bacon, hash browns...”

“That sounds great.” She kissed Courtney’s cheek. “I’m going to shower and then we can go.”

Courtney lightly slapped Kelly’s hip and helped her sit up. “I’ll finish getting ready.”

Kelly picked up her inhaler just in case and went into the bathroom. She hadn’t bothered to get dressed before going to sleep, so she took a washcloth from the cabinet and turned on the faucet. The room was still humid from Courtney’s shower and Kelly brushed her hands over the droplets still clinging to the tile of the stall before she closed the curtain. The water was ice cold, raising goosebumps on her skin wherever it touched. She closed her eyes and bowed her head under the spray. Her hair was flattened and molded to her shoulders and back, and she shivered as the water coursed down her spine.

She opened her eyes and watched the pools forming around her feet. She brought her hands up and let the water coat them. Her brain flashed back to the building, to her freefall through the floor and crashing down into a deeper inferno. Flames covering the walls, smoke billowing. She shook her head and focused on the water again, beautiful and shining. She put her hands over her face and spluttered, wiping the droplets away from her eyelashes so she could see again.

It wasn’t as if she’d never been in a bad fire before. Her first call as a probie had seemed like hell on earth, an endless pit full of flames she was expected to put out. When it was finally over a part of her screamed to get the hell out. She could find a better job, a safer job, one that wouldn’t require her to risk her life every shift. Casey was the only reason she didn’t quit. Backing out after one fire would prove she couldn’t handle it, but worse it would prove her big brother had been wrong to support her. The next time a call came in she slapped on her helmet and walked through the door.

Though it would have been easy to stay in the shower, in the safe cocoon of flowing water, she finally started bathing. When she finished she wrapped herself in a towel, combed her hair, and went to get dressed. Courtney was sitting on the bed watching a commercial on TV and she quickly turned off the set when Kelly came in.

“You can keep watching. I won’t be ready for a few minutes yet.”

“I know, but Chief Dobbs...”

“Right.” She feigned indifference as she opened the closet. “How bad is it?”

Courtney said, “Um. Pretty bad.”

“Do they know anything about the cause?”

“Yeah. That’s the worst part, actually. Are you sure you want to know?”

Kelly nodded. “The fire could’ve killed me. It has Trevor in the hospital. I want to know if there’s someone to blame.”

Courtney sighed heavily. “Some insult to the human race knocked his kids out with medicine, locked the doors and windows, and set a fire in the kitchen.”

Kelly swayed and put a hand against the closet to stay upright. Courtney got up and put her arms around Kelly’s waist.

“I’m sorry.”

“Did the bastard die, too?”

Courtney said, “He got out of the building before you even showed up. The police are out looking for him.” She kissed the back of Kelly’s neck. “Are you okay? Do you want to cancel breakfast?”

“No.” She found her navy blue fire department T-shirt off a hangar. After everything that happened the night before, and what was apparently still happening in the media, she wanted to represent her people. 

#

Mancuso’s was three blocks from the apartment, and they decided it would be easier to walk. Kelly tried to change the tone of the morning by asking Courtney about her work, and she obliged by discussing a client who was causing them fits. Kelly chided herself for toning it out even as her head filled with white noise. She took Courtney’s hand in hers as a way to make up for ignoring her. 

The diner was small, cozy rather than cramped, with a large set of picture windows that let them look out on traffic once they were seated. They were infrequent guests there because Courtney wasn’t a fan of their healthy choice menu, but the owner still recognized them and shouted a hello from behind the counter. The TV mounted in the corner was tuned to the news, and Courtney asked if they could try to find something else to watch. The waitress used a remote to switch it to a station showing syndicated episodes of a sitcom.

Kelly smirked as Courtney sat down next to her again. “You don’t have to coddle me. I’m going to see it eventually.”

“Eventually,” Courtney said. “And by then the news will be watered down. There won’t be the initial flood of vitriol and fury. Trust me, baby, you don’t want to hear what they’re saying.”

“How bad is it?”

Courtney considered the question. “Six kids died, Kelly. None of them were older than eleven.”

Kelly took a deep breath. “So bad.”

“Yeah.”

Kelly cleared her throat. “Tell me more about the Gunderson account.”

Courtney stared at her for a second and then slowly raised an eyebrow. “You mean the, um, Gillespie account?”

“Right. Sorry...”

“It’s okay. You have a lot on your mind.”

Their food arrived and they made small talk in between bites. They were halfway done with their meal when two men approached the table from the counter. One of them appeared to be reluctantly following the other’s lead, hands in his pockets and head angled downward. His friend was carrying a glass, and he used it to gesture at the emblem on the left breast of Kelly’s T-shirt. There was a large 12 underneath it to indicate her station.

“You a firefighter?”

“That’s right,” she said. From the time she was a little girl, she was used to people paying her family’s check when they had dinner out. They saw his shirt, or a cap, and would arrange with the waitress to pay their tab. They usually did it quietly and anonymously, but every now and then they wanted to add a vocal appreciation.

The guy held his hand out and dumped his glass on Kelly’s food. It was such an unexpected move that for a moment she didn’t understand what was happening. She shot to her feet as the guy dropped his cup on the table, her arms out to either side as she surveyed the damage.

“What the hell?”

“That was for those kids. You should have died in that fire.”

By the time her thoughts were coherent enough for a response the guy and his crony had fled. The owner had come out from behind the counter. 

“Are you okay, miss?”

Kelly managed to nod.

“I’ll get you another breakfast on the house. Both your meals, on the house. That was completely wrong. I’m very, very sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. And no. Thank you. I don’t have much of an appetite anymore.”

“Then next time. I won’t let that sort of bullshit go unpunished.”

Kelly nodded her thanks and looked at Courtney, who had also risen from her seat. “You can finish your food. I have to get out of here.”

“Kelly... Kelly, wait!”

She left the diner and started down the street. She had no idea where she was going, but she wanted to be away from the site of her humiliation. When she reached the corner she had to wait for a red light and Courtney was able to catch up to her. Kelly spun to face her.

“What are they saying?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“Damn it, would you just tell me? Stop babying me and just tell me.”

Courtney sighed and looked at her shoes. “The news is saying the fire department didn’t even try to save those people.”

Kelly could barely process that. She furrowed her brow and shook her head. “That’s bullshit. Trevor...” She felt tears building and looked away from Courtney, focusing across the street in an attempt to get control over her emotions. “Trevor saved my life. We could have died in there.”

“I know.” Courtney stepped forward and put her hands on Kelly’s shoulders. “You know why I heard your phone ringing this morning? Because I was awake. I was awake all night listening to your breathing because I knew it could have stopped in that fire. And because I knew it could stop at any moment during the night, and I wanted to have the inhaler ready. I almost lost you. And I don’t just mean the fire.”

Kelly looked back to her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean... last night you said you loved me more than you’ve said it in the past month. I mean last night was the first time I’ve felt like you were a hundred percent there when we were making love. That fire almost took you from me, but it also gave you back to me.” She blinked away her tears and shook her head. “These bastards who are trying to blame you, they’re nothing. They’re small-minded assholes and they’re going to move on to something else eventually. As much as I want to be selfless and focused on you, I can’t. I can’t do it right now because I hate that fire and I’m grateful for it, and I wish you cared half as much about how I’m dealing with it as you care about the idiots on the news.”

“Courtney...”

“No. I shouldn’t... I shouldn’t have...”

Kelly shushed her and stepped forward, pulling her close. Courtney buried her face against the curve of Kelly’s neck and squeezed her tightly.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**  
They were halfway home when Chief Dobbs called again and told her they were all getting together at the Old Flame in an hour. She asked if she could bring Courtney and he told her most of the guys were bringing their significant others. They walked the rest of the way home and climbed into Kelly’s truck. They made the drive in silence, just as they had walked in silence. Kelly couldn’t deny the fact she was pulling away in the weeks before the fire and she didn’t want to defend her sudden change of heart as a side effect of almost dying. She could also tell Courtney was ashamed of making the moment about her when Kelly was so obviously in need of comfort. The elephant had been firmly planted on the seat between them, and neither of them knew how to remove it.

When she parked she looked across the street at the fire station. Another shift was there, another group of firefighters manning her station and taking care of her neighborhoods. She knew them, knew they were good people and great firefighters, but she couldn’t help but wish she was there. Courtney had come around the front of the truck and touched her arm to break her reverie.

“Do you need a minute?”

“No.” She threaded her arm around Courtney’s and led her inside. The tavern was technically closed but the owner agreed to open it for their meeting. He was standing behind the bar and lifted his chin to greet Kelly as she came in. She detoured over to receive a hug from him and immediately looped her arm around Courtney’s again.

“Good to see you in one piece, Kelly. I hated to hear what happened last night. Anything you need, let me know. And that includes drinks. Every drink today, on the house for you guys.”

“Thanks, Wayne. This is Courtney. Courtney, Wayne is the owner of this place. And my boss when I’m not running into fires.”

He nodded to her. “Nice to meet you. I’m glad she had someone to take care of her.”

The rest of the group was huddled in a booth at the far end of the room, near the spot the pool table had once stood. Chief Dobbs was already there, seated across from Otto, Otto’s boyfriend, and Tim Brott. Otto saw them first and waved them over, then stood and moved two chairs from another table so they wouldn’t have to sit apart. Before he sat back down, Otto hugged Kelly and patted her back.

“Good to see you breathing easy,” he said.

“Thanks. Have you been to see Trevor?”

He shook his head as he sat down. “We were at the fire ‘til late. And this morning we wanted to give his family some space.”

Kelly nodded and sat down next to Courtney. They made introductions all around - Kelly had never met Otto’s boyfriend and no one at the table knew Courtney - and made awkward small talk over their drinks as the rest of the squad trickled in. Scott came alone, but Tarik brought his wife. Lieutenant Berg was the last to arrive and he put a hand on Kelly’s shoulder.

“Got a second?”

She nodded and stood up. He led her to the opposite side of the room and crossed his arms. “Trevor’s sister asked us if we could stay away from the hospital, which makes sense since no one needs us flooding in en masse. But she heard that you were taken to the hospital with him. She knows you were the one with him when he got hurt, so she thinks it would be okay if you wanted to represent us and go see him.”

Kelly nodded. “Yeah, of course I will. Is he awake?”

“Not yet. But just being there...”

She said, “Of course. I’d want someone there if it was me. I’ll go after we finish up here.”

“Okay. Here’s his room number.” He handed her a folded slip of paper that she tucked into her pocket. “Oh, something else you’ll want to know. The little girl. Madison?”

In all the excitement Kelly had all but forgotten about the girl she’d saved. “Yes. Is she okay?”

“She’s fine. She was treated at the scene and they took her to the hospital just to be safe. I called this morning and they said she’s going to make a full recovery. As far as her family is concerned, last night was a victory. That’s entirely down to you.”

Kelly swallowed the lump in her throat. “Thanks, Lieu.”

He patted her arm and led her back to the table. Once they were all present Chief Dobbs stood up. 

“Okay. I know most of you saw or heard something on the news before I called you this morning. Those of you I caught still probably got wind of it some way or another. We determined the fire was intentionally set, and the cops are out trying to find the bastard who did it. In the meantime, the public needs someone to blame. They need a bad guy, and we’re in a convenient place to play that role. We had problems at that fire, but I don’t want any of you to doubt what we did. Every firefighter here made me proud last night, and I wouldn’t have anyone else on my squad. You did what you were trained to do. You did yourselves proud last night. So let the windbags tear their hair out, let them try to turn you into uncaring monsters, because the next time that alarm goes off, everyone here is going to suit up and race back inside. What happened last night was a tragedy, something awful that no one could have prevented. The difference between you and those assholes on the news is that you actually tried to make it better. Everything else is just hot air. You remember that.”

There was a quiet murmuring of gratitude. He started to sit down but then remembered something and corrected himself with a grunt.

“Oh, and there will be a counselor on-hand if any of you need to talk. I don’t want to hear any nonsense about how you’re too tough to talk about your feelings. I talked to her this morning and I feel...” He sighed. “I don’t know how I feel, but I know it didn’t hurt to get it all out there. So don’t make her wait, okay?”

This time the mumbles were forced, but Kelly knew why he had said it in front of wives and partners.

“Feel free to stay, chat, act as support for each other, whatever you need. Wayne said he’d keep the doors open for us as long as we needed. Thank you, Wayne.”

He nodded from the bar. “Kitchen’s open.”

Kelly stood up. “Actually, I think I might head out if that’s okay, Lieu.”

Berg nodded. “I’ll fill them in about why you’re going.”

“Thanks.”

Once they were outside she asked Courtney to wait by the truck while she went across the street to grab something. Courtney obliged and trotted across the sloped road and into the apparatus bay. It felt wrong to be in the Stables during someone else’s shift, but she knew no one would question her presence if they saw her. She went upstairs to the bunk room and tried to remember where Trevor had set up for bed the night before. His novel was sitting on the floor, neatly tucked behind the headboard. She picked it up and stood just as a firefighter she only vaguely recognized appeared at the top of the stairs.

“Oh,” he said.

“Hey.” She held up the book. “This, uh. This is for Trevor McNevin. I’m going to see him at the hospital and I thought...”

“Right. I understand.” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “You’re Kelly Lake, right?”

She nodded. 

“I knew your brother. Casey. Worked with him for a while. Good guy. Guess it’s in the genes.”

Kelly grinned. “I don’t know about that. I just copied what I saw and tried not to embarrass him too much.” She tapped the book. “I should get going.”

“Okay. We’re all pulling for him.”

“Thanks. He’ll appreciate that.”

He stepped aside so she could descend the stairs. She felt him watching her as she went down, knew he was thinking about offering condolences or support about the fire, but she knew acknowledging it would mean talking about the controversy. If they couldn’t pretend it was just an ordinary day in their own house, what hope did they have?

Downstairs she found Courtney still waiting by the truck. She unlocked the doors and waited until they were at a red light before she spoke. “Do you want to come to the hospital with me?”

“No, I don’t think I’d feel very comfortable with that. Unless you need me...”

“You’ve put yourself out for me enough today.” She leaned across the seat and kissed her. “I think I should just take you home first so you can catch up on the sleep you missed while you were watching over me last night.”

Courtney nodded. “Okay. That would probably be best.”

They continued the rest of the ride in silence. Kelly pulled to the curb and let the truck idle, but she took Courtney’s hand so she couldn’t get out just yet. 

“Hey. Are we good?”

Courtney looked at Kelly’s hand, then leaned across the seat to kiss the corner of her mouth. “I don’t know. But we’re not bad. That’s something.”

“I suppose. I shouldn’t be too long at the hospital.”

“Take as long as your friend needs. I wouldn’t want to think of you being all alone in the hospital, so make sure he has someone.”

Kelly nodded. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

She got out of the truck. Kelly watched her go into the building before she pulled away from the curb. She didn’t know what she wanted from Courtney, but she definitely appreciated everything Courtney had done for her during the past twenty-four hours. In her mind that was the only motive behind her sudden tenderness. She was more vocal about her declarations of love because she had seen just how easy she could have died without saying it. She was trying to ensure she didn’t let the opportunity pass again. She loved Courtney and wanted to make sure it was acknowledged as much as possible.

At the hospital she parked her truck and went inside. Someone smoking a cigarette in the small designated area looked at from face to her T-shirt and back to her face, but she couldn’t tell if the glance was appreciative or judgmental. She gave the man a quick nod as she passed him and he said nothing. The doors slid open to admit her and she paused for a moment to get her bearings before she headed to the elevators.

The door was open but she knocked anyway. A beautiful brunette poked her head around the corner and rose from the chair she’d been sitting in. She looked enough like Trevor to be family, but the harsh lines of his jaw were smooth and graceful on her face. Her hair was long and tied back, and she wore a black dress with white flowers. She smiled warily.

“Kelly, right?”

“Yeah. Lieutenant Berg said you said it would be all right if I came.”

She nodded and stepped closer to offer her hand. “Of course. I’m Ruth.”

Kelly shook her hand. “I can wait if you’re in the middle of something.”

“No, actually, your timing couldn’t be better. I want to grab some lunch, maybe a coffee. Would you mind sitting with him while I run out?”

“No, of course not, go. Take your time.”

“Thank you. I won’t be gone long. I just need to shower and change clothes and...” She trailed off with a sigh. “I promise I won’t trap you here.”

Kelly held up the book. “I came prepared.”

“Excellent.” She squeezed Kelly’s hand. “Thank you. Trevor would’ve hated the idea of every firefighter in the area clogging the hallway, but he would be glad someone was here.”

“I’m glad it’s me.”

Ruth finally left the room, and Kelly took the chair next to the bed. Trevor looked puny in the bed, tied down so completely that she knew he would be irritated if he was awake. She stared at him, at the bandages on the back of his skull and on his neck. He’d been burnt, and there had to be all kinds of internal damage from his fall. She kept thinking that if she’d been alone when the floor gave way, or if he hadn’t thought to turn them so that he was on the bottom...

She blinked rapidly, returning the room to focus after it had so suddenly gone blurry, and she reached out to touch his hand.

“You’d never let me get this out if you were awake, so I’m going to say it now. You saved my life, Trevor. Thank you.” She tried to think of something else to add, but she decided that would suffice for the moment. She sniffled and wiped at her cheeks, then slid back in the seat and flipped his book open to the faded receipt he was using as a bookmark. “I’m not exactly sure where on the page you stopped, so I’ll just start from the top of this page if that’s all right.” She looked at him. “No objections? All right.” She cleared her throat and started to read.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**  
Ruth returned an hour later. Kelly had stopped reading after a few chapters, bored by the sound of her own voice. She stood up and offered Ruth the seat, moving to lean against the wall under the television. “I didn’t expect you back for a while. I thought you’d take the chance to nap at least.”

Ruth said, “Oh, I’ve slept. This chair is comfy.”

“That chair? The one I just sat in for an hour? You lie worse than your brother.”

Ruth chuckled and looked into her coffee. “I’m kind of glad he’s unconscious right now. The cafeteria was showing the news and they’re just saying the most god awful things. I hope you haven’t been hearing any of them.”

Kelly shook her head. “I was warned to keep the TV off, but I’ve been getting bits and pieces. It’ll blow over the next time there’s a kitten stuck up a tree or something.” She looked at her watch. She didn’t want to go home and wake up Courtney, but she also didn’t want to be a pest and stick around the hospital room. “I should get out of your hair.”

“Oh. Okay. I appreciate you coming and giving me a little break. Come back any time. I’m sure Trevor will be glad to know you’re here.”

“Okay. Actually, let me give you my phone number. You can call if you need someone to tag team sitting with him.” 

“That would be amazing.” She took out her phone and Kelly gave her the number. “Thank you.”

“Sure. I have work tonight, and tomorrow I have another shift at the station, but I think I can talk the lieutenant into letting me off if you need a hand.” Knowing Lieutenant Berg, he might order her to stay away from the station even if she didn’t spend the time sitting with Trevor. She wasn’t sure if it was proper to shake hands or hug, so she put a hand on Ruth’s shoulder. “We all wanted to be here. And you’re right, this place would be flooded with firefighters if you gave us an inch. But you should know we’re all here for you if you need us.”

“I appreciate that. Thank you, Kelly.”

Kelly left the hospital and, after a brief internal debate, turned north toward her parents’ home. She knew she wouldn’t be able to avoid her parents for long. She needed to stop by to show them she was in whole and unharmed before they let her off the hook. Kevin’s report from the hospital would only pacify them for so long before her phone started ringing.

She parked in front of the house and walked up the driveway. Kyle and her father were already at the door when she reached the porch, and she braced herself for her father’s crushing hug even before he spread his arms and pulled her in. She looked over Patrick’s shoulder at Kyle and pushed her hand out as far as she could. He took it and squeezed the fingers.

“Don’t scare me like that again, little girl.”

“I’ll try. Hey, Kyle.”

He released her hand, and Kelly pushed gently on her father’s shoulders to get free of him. He patted her arm and stepped aside to usher her into the house. The television was on, but Kyle moved quickly to turn it off while it was still on a commercial.

“We’ve been watching the news,” Patrick said. “A bunch of self-righteous, know-nothing pricks.”

“Is there any news about the asshole who set the fire?” She sat on the couch and her brother sat next to her. Patrick lowered himself into the armchair he’d had since she was a little girl, its seams carefully repaired with needle and thread but still coming loose. 

“The kid killer? No. They’re still looking for him. In the meantime the media has to spew something, so.” He sighed heavily. “How’s your guy doing?”

“Still in a medically-induced coma. I just got back from sitting with him for a while. I think they’re confident. Right now it seems like a lot of wait-and-see.”

Patrick nodded slowly and his attention shifted to the hallway. “Addie. Look who finally decided to give us proof of life.”

Kelly turned to see her mother lingering on the threshold, not really in the living room but also not in the hallway either. Kelly offered her a weak smile. “Hi, Mom.”

Addie finally came into the room and bent down for a hug. Kelly was surprised by the show of emotion and stood up, turning the awkward clinch into an actual embrace. She couldn’t remember the last time she and her mother hugged, and she was surprised by how much she had apparently missed it. 

“I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

Addie stepped back and dabbed at her eyes, chuckling self-consciously as she took a step back. 

Kelly sat down again, elbows on her knees. She was surprised when her mother sat down next to her. After a lifetime of avoiding each other whenever possible, Kelly felt awkward to have their knees practically touching. She decided to ignore it as best she could. “Where are Kevin and Quinn?”

“Quinn had a class,” Addie said. “Kevin was around earlier, but he had to go run a few errands. They both should be back soon.” She suddenly brightened. “Will you stay for lunch? We were going to have a late lunch when Quinn got home. If Kevin’s back by then, it will be a big family lunch.” 

Her smile was so eager that Kelly almost couldn’t bear to deny her. “I’m sorry, but I have some errands of my own. I just wanted to stop by and reassure everyone I was okay.”

“We heard you got taken to the hospital last night,” Addie said, resting her hand on Kelly’s. “It was like Casey all over again.”

The room fell silent as it always did at the mention of their lost older brother. There had been a few tense months when Addie blamed Patrick for forcing Casey into the profession, so in her eyes it was his fault Casey had died. No one ever said the word ‘divorce’ but everyone could sense it was on the horizon. Somehow, the air had cleared without any detonation, and life continued much as normal. But it was still a touchy subject to bring up “the Lost Lake,” especially after another had come so close to dying in the line of duty.

“Well,” she said, “I should go.”

“Right,” Patrick said. “Come back by this weekend, though. Family dinner will be more important than ever this week.”

Kelly said, “I’m not sure if I can make it, Dad. I might be taking off my next shift, and with Trevor laid up, they might want me to fill in for him. But we’ll see.”

Addie said, “All we can ask is that you try.” 

She hugged her parents once more and left before Kevin or Quinn could arrive to make a family lunch even more awkward to avoid. She was about to open the door of her truck when a passing car beeped its horn at her. She knew even before she looked that it was Kevin, and she stepped away from her truck to bend down next to the driver’s side of his car. He rolled down the window and smiled up at her.

“You got away, huh?”

“Just barely. Thanks for not showing up five minutes sooner.”

He nodded. “I do what I can.”

She looked over the top of the car for a moment, hands resting on the window, and considered what she wanted to say. Kevin waited patiently.

“Listen.” She dropped her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “The woman who was at the hospital...”

“Your friend? Courtney?”

“Yeah. She’s...”

“I know.”

“No. I mean, we’re...”

“I know.” He grinned. “Kel, I’ve known for a really long time.” He patted her hand. “I was confused last night, but only because you were so skittish. Did you really think I didn’t know?”

She stared at him. “How do you know?”

“I’m your twin brother, stupid. Mom and Dad don’t know. I don’t think anyone else does, either. Your secret is safe with me. I mean, it’s been safe for a long time. There’s no reason anything has to change now that I’ve actually met one of your girlfriends.”

There was something odd and freeing about hearing a member of her family so casually mention her girlfriend, and she found herself smiling as she got used to the sound. 

“So you’re not sticking around?”

“No. My girlfriend took off work to take care of me, so I sent her home to take a nap. I should go spend some time with her.”

“All right. You chose well, brat. She’s hot.”

Kelly laughed and slapped his forehead. “Shut up. I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Yeah.”

She walked to her truck and pulled away as he walked up to the porch. They waved to each other one more time before she turned the corner out of sight. She listened to Aimee Mann for the drive home, choosing the scenic route so she could have some time to herself. Her only alone time since the fire had been when she was sitting with Trevor, and that didn’t count because she knew he was still present. She took a detour once she crossed the bridge and parked where she could look out over the forest of boat masts bobbing in Portage Bay. She looked past the people and the buildings to focus on the water, the trees, and the cotton candy clouds that were forming high above the Sound. 

She wished she had a drink, or that she smoked. She never understood the firefighters who smoked. Didn’t they get enough of the shit on the job? They had to go buy prepackaged herbs to light on fire to inhale the smoke from that? But she understood the need to do something with her hands. The only thing she had to occupy herself was her phone, but she had no interest in becoming one of those people who sat in front of beautiful nature and stared down at some screen.

Part of her was aware she could just disappear, and no one would know she was gone for hours. Courtney would think she was with her parents or at the hospital, and her parents would think she was just taking it easy at home. She wondered how far she could get before someone started looking for her. She wondered which one of them would be the first to start looking. Courtney or Kevin were her main suspects. A bigger part of her knew that she didn’t want to leave, didn’t want to run away.

Kelly let herself have half an hour of alone time before she drove the rest of the way home. She was quiet when she entered the apartment but almost immediately heard Courtney moving around in the bedroom. She shut the door and hung up her keys and jacket. 

“Baby? I’m home.” She went to the bedroom door and stared at the open duffle bag next to a stack of folded clothes. Courtney came out of the bathroom with a handful of toiletries. “Hey. Hi. What are you doing?”

“I’m doing what’s right,” Courtney said quietly. She put the toothbrush and other various items in the bag and zipped it up. “I’m going back to my apartment.”

Kelly entered the room. “Wait, what? What’s right about that?”

Courtney looked at her. She seemed resigned, but not angry. “I came back here and I was thinking about the past few hours, since the fire. You’ve changed a lot since you left for work last night.”

“For the better, I would have thought.”

“For the better,” Courtney agreed. “But I’m not sure it’s real. I would love to believe it is. I want to believe that more than anything. But you’ve said you loved me more in the past twelve hours than you have in the past month. I’m just worried once things go back to normal, you’ll backslide.”

Kelly worked her jaw and looked at the bag for lack of anything else to look at. “Maybe I haven’t been as demonstrative as I should have been, but...”

“It’s more than that.” She moved closer and brushed her hands through Kelly’s hair. “I’ve been content to just let things go. I was happy with you, you seemed happy with me, but this... the hand-holding and the constant ‘I love yous’... it rings false. I want to believe you mean it, but I can’t. I know this is because of the fire, and I know you’re clinging to me just because I’m here. I don’t want to take advantage of that and trap you. I think you need some time to figure out how you feel about me when your emotions aren’t in turmoil.”

Kelly could feel tears behind her eyes, but she was determined not to shed them. “You took the whole day off to take care of me, and this is how you do it? You’re dumping me?”

“No. It’s just a pause, sweetie.”

She started to stroke Kelly’s hair but Kelly twisted away from her. “Fine. Take your fucking pause.”

Courtney dropped her hand. “If that fire hadn’t happened, you’d be thanking your lucky stars for this. You don’t think I’ve felt you pulling away?”

Kelly walked across the room and sat down in the chair by the window. “So it doesn’t matter that I appreciate you because I appreciate you for the wrong reasons.”

“I don’t think you’re in a place to make any big life decisions right now.”

“So you’re making it for me.”

Courtney sighed and packed the rest of her clothes into a second bag. “I’ll still be around. I’m still your friend, Kelly, and I still love you.”

“Oh, you do? Maybe we should examine your fucking motives. Maybe we should claim you’re going nuts.”

“I didn’t say you were going nuts.”

Kelly stood up and went into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and took out the carton of soy milk Courtney had bought. She put it on the counter and began searching for anything else that didn’t belong if Courtney wasn’t there. Courtney brought her bags out and watched as the pile of food grew.

“You should keep that stuff,” Courtney said. “It’s healthy. I have--”

“I know it’s healthy. I know the stuff I like is poison. God knows you’ve tsked at me enough. So if you’re not here, I’m not going to eat this shit.” She found a grocery bag, packed it up, and shoved it across the hall. “Take it with you or throw it out, I don’t care which. Get out.”

“Kelly, this is the smart thing to do. Don’t--”

“Out.”

Courtney picked up the bag of groceries and juggled it for a moment with her other bags. “I love you, Kelly.”

Kelly lifted her middle finger to her.

“Mature.”

“Yeah, I’m like that,” Kelly said. “I told you to get out.”

Courtney sighed and went to the door. “I’ll be around if you need me.”

Kelly kept her hands balled into fists, knuckles resting on the countertop until she was sure Courtney was gone. Then she crossed to the living room and tossed herself onto the couch. She pulled the cushion from beneath her head and covered her face with it to block out the world for a while.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**  
Kelly hated dreams about fire. The nightmares always left her in an anxious state, and the non-threatening dreams alarmed her because she didn’t feel fear. This time she was standing in the middle of a room wearing full gear, her right hand weighted by the axe she held. She pushed up the visor of her helmet and squinted as the smoke flooded her face. The room was hot but not unbearably so, and she turned in a slow circle to see where the exit was. Flames clung to every wall, tiny dancing sparks falling all around her from the ceiling. Smoke swirled all around her, but she couldn’t see a source. The room was just barely big enough for her to stretch her arms out to either side and turn in a circle without brushing any walls with her fingertips. The ceiling was low enough that the smoke gathering there coiled around her head.

She couldn’t see an exit. She turned in a slow circle and stared through the flames but saw no door or window, no points of egress.

“Kelly!”

She moved toward the voice even before she recognized it as Courtney. She reached the wall and slapped her palm against the drywall in the hopes there was a hidden seam or crack. The smoke had to be filling the room from somewhere. If she could just find it, she could get out and do something. She moved along the wall, skimming her hand through the fire and watching as the flames lapped at the fingers of her glove. Courtney screamed and Kelly banged her fist against the wall. She brought up her axe, reared back, and buried the blade in the drywall. When she pulled it free the fire was sucked into the crack and closed it as if it was a wound that could be cauterized.

Kelly coughed and turned to look for a clear spot to attack, somewhere away from the flames. They were growing stronger by the second. 

“Lake! Get your ass over here!”

Trevor, his voice sounding close but still echoing. She pulled off her helmet and let it fall. The ceiling was still on fire, but there were clear spots on the floor under her feet. She knelt down and clumsily swung her axe, cracking the floorboards directly in front of her. After the first cut more smoke filled the room. She coughed and searched for her discarded helmet, but it was nowhere to be found. The smoke was overwhelming, and each cough sapped her strength a little more.

“Come on, kid, what do you think you’re doing?” her father shouted.

Kelly immediately snapped to attention, raising the axe again and smashing it into the floor. Flames shot up through the crack she’d opened and she was thrown back against the wall. The fire there reached down like hands to grasp the front of her jacket. She slapped at the flickering yellow tongues but that just spread the burn to her sleeves.

“No, no, no...” 

“Come on, brat,” Kevin said, “I’m burning up in here! Hurry!”

She was crying now, completely engulfed in flames. She screamed as it got under her bunkers, and she began to thrash in an effort to put it out. She stretched out flat and rolled, the floor falling out from under her, and she hit the living room floor hard enough to startle her out of slumber. Her entire body jerked and twitched as the dream dissolved to be replaced with the reality of her normal, fire-free apartment.

Kelly stayed on the floor for a few minutes as the tremors subsided, her arms folded under her chest and her lips parted in animalistic panting. She finally pushed herself up, aware of the sweat on her face and the small of her back. She looked around the apartment to confirm it was really unmarred and that she was really out of the dream, then stood and went into the bathroom.

The bareness of the counter reminded her of the argument with Courtney, and she felt a tightening in her chest. She wanted to get her phone, call Courtney, and beg her to come back, but she stopped herself before she could do it. Now that the heat of the moment was past, she couldn’t argue Courtney’s point. She had gotten exactly what she wanted, what she deserved. Courtney deserved to be with someone who truly appreciated her. Kelly couldn’t guarantee her sudden revival would last beyond the weekend.

She stripped out of her clothes and got in the shower to wash away the sweat of her dream. She pushed her hair out of her face and stood under the spray. The shower was her sanctuary, her safe haven, and she luxuriated in the cold water. In time it even healed the mental wounds of her dream until she felt in control of herself again. She turned off the water, wrapped a towel around herself, and went into the bedroom. 

The idea of crawling under the covers and building a cocoon was almost too great to resist, so instead she dressed in jeans and a white tank top, buttoning a lightweight plaid shirt over it as she headed for the door. She didn’t know where she planned to go when she got into her truck, so she drove aimlessly toward Capitol Hill before swinging around to Lakeview Boulevard. She drove back south so she could see the Space Needle in the distance, thinking about how tall and epic it seemed in photographs and movies. She let her mind wander as she thought about appearances versus reality, how marketing and forced perspective could make something half the height of the Empire State Building look like a skyscraper.

When she returned her focus to her journey, she realized she had driven most of the way to the Stables. She knew even if it had been her shift the Chief would just send her back home. She almost turned around before she decided to keep going and turned left instead of right, parking in front of the Old Flame instead of the station. Across the street the lights were on in the apparatus bay, and she could see two firemen in uniforms standing by the engine. She forced herself to walk away and resist the urge to go over and join them. 

It was too early for the bar to be busy, but even so she thought the crowd was kind of skimpy. Wayne looked surprised as she approached the bar and he made his way over to her.

“You should be at home resting.”

“Don’t say that, Wayne. I’m going crazy just sitting at home. Put me to work. You need a waitress or a cashier, I can do anything.”

He sighed. “Okay. Get an apron and change into a T-shirt.”

“Thank you.” She went behind the bar and into the back room. There was a stack of T-shirts next to the aprons and she donned one of each, hanging her button-down shirt on the corner of a shelf before she went back out. “Where do you need me?”

“You can tend bar. We haven’t been seeing a lot of business today.”

“That’s strange.”

He shrugged. “It’s a firefighter bar across the street from a station. People don’t really feel like associating with us right now because of all the nonsense in the news.”

“How long do you think that will go on?”

“Hard to say. But firefighters go to work every day knowing they might get called upon to save some stranger’s life. We do it without hesitation. It won’t take long before everyone else remembers that and they come back around.”

“In the meantime,” Kelly said, moving away from him as a new customer approached the bar. “Hi. What can I get for you?”

Over the next few hours she lost herself in the work. Occasionally a regular would come in, or someone she recognized from her brother’s station would stop by, and she would make small talk about the job. No one mentioned the news or the fire, even though it was obviously on everybody’s mind. The little information she did receive was that the bastard responsible still hadn’t been found. She was confident he would only be able to run for so long before someone caught up with the asshole.

At ten, Wayne asked if she minded staying until midnight so he could go home and see his wife before she went to bed. 

“Sure. You can stay there if you’d like. I don’t mind closing.”

“You need to sleep sometime, Kel.”

“I slept this afternoon.” She didn’t bring up the nightmare, or the fact she was afraid it would start over from the beginning if she went back to sleep. “I’m fine. Go, be with your wife.”

He hesitated and then said, “Okay. But I’ll come back around one to see if you’ve changed your mind about staying.”

“Just call. Otherwise you’ll be getting out of bed and coming all the way down here for nothing. Go! I’m fine. I’m calm for the first time since last night.”

He finally untied his apron and folded it over his hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Good night, Wayne.”

He waved over his shoulder as he left the bar, and Kelly was left on her own. The flow of customers dried up a little before midnight, and soon she was killing time between refilling mugs for the old stalwarts. She slouched behind the counter and turned on her phone, scrolling through messages before she checked to see if Courtney was online. The icon next to her name was green and, after chastising herself silently, she logged in and began to type.

“Are you around?”

A few minutes passed before she received a response. “I’m sorry. We can talk tomorrow.”

“I’m not going to fight or try to make up. I just wanted to say I was sorry for this afternoon. You were right.”

More silence. “I can’t be too proud of myself, since that means you did want to leave me.”

Kelly twisted her lips and typed, “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

A new customer came in and settled at the bar, so Kelly put down her phone and approached him. “Hi, what can I get for you?”

“Whatever’s on tap is fine.” He crossed his arms on the bar in front of him. “Are you new?”

She poured him a mug and placed it in front of him with a napkin. “I’ve been here six years this August.” She nudged a bowl of pretzels closer to him. “Need anything else?”

“No, I’m good for now.” She started to step away but he stopped before taking a drink. “You usually don’t work nights. Is that it?”

She shook her head. “Night shift, almost exclusively. Are you sure you’ve been here before?”

“I’m starting to wonder.”

Kelly leaned against the wall and picked up her phone. “Sorry. Customer flirting with me.”

“M or F?”

“Guy.”

Courtney was silent again, then sent “Is he cute?”

Kelly looked at him again. He had sandy brown hair in need of a trim, but its extra length made it slightly curly. He hadn’t shaved since that morning and had a nice dusting on his chin and along the line of his jaw. He was bigger in the chest and shoulders than she usually liked, but he wasn’t unattractive.

“I guess,” she sent back. “He’s not bad to look at.”

“If he keeps flirting, you should go for it.”

Kelly pulled a face, irritated and slightly offended by the idea. She wasn’t even entirely sure she and Courtney had broken up but if they had their breakup was less than five hours old. She wasn’t the kind of person who did that. 

“Kind of soon, don’t you think?” she sent.

“For a relationship or something meaningful. If you just want to get laid, though. Go for it.”

“What about you? Will this affect our chances of getting back together?”

“Is that even something you want?”

Kelly sighed and scratched her arm. She looked at the guy and caught him glancing at her. “I don’t know but I don’t want to throw away my chance on some random dude.”

“You won’t. This will just be catharsis. Do what you have to do. I won’t hold it against you.”

Kelly tapped her middle finger on the back of the phone case. “I’ll let you go. It’s late.”

“Okay. Whatever happens, I love you.”

“I love you, too. I mean that.”

“I know you do. Goodnight, Kelly.”

Kelly signed out and stuck the phone into her back pocket. The guy was still only a third of the way through his drink, picking idly at the pretzels. She walked over and he looked at her with hope.

“I’m kind of still working on this one,” he said.

“Yeah, fine. What’s your name?”

“Paul.”

“Hi, Paul. I’m Kelly. You know how they say everyone flirts with the bartender but no one ever gets to go home with her?”

He raised his eyebrows. “Yeah.”

“Well, if you’re here when I close up at three tomorrow morning, I’ll give you a chance to disprove the myth. It’s not going to be the start of anything. It’s just going to be two people going home together. You understand me, Paul?”

He cleared his throat and straightened on his stool. “Okay. Absolutely, yeah. I follow.”

“Good. Good luck to you.” She knocked on the bar and went to serve another patron. She didn’t know if she had made a good decision or a very bad one, but she felt good about making any decisions period. It was moving forward, taking a step. If it turned out to be a bad one she could always retreat and try to minimize the damage. If it was a good one, she would enjoy it to the best of her ability.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**  
When closing time rolled around, Kelly was a little surprised to see Paul was still hanging around. He had moved from the bar to a table near the jukebox to nurse his latest round, but he seemed to be in it for the long haul. Wayne called and offered to relieve her for the last few hours as promised and she surprised him by agreeing. He arrived twenty minutes later and joined her behind the bar.

“What happened?” he asked. “Did you lose your second wind?”

“No, just got offered a ride home.”

He followed her gaze when she glanced across the room. “The fella sitting by himself?”

“Yeah.”

Wayne shook his head. “I don’t understand that. I mean, live and let live and all that, but going back and forth doesn’t make much sense. It’s like breathing oxygen or water. One or the other.”

Kelly grinned. “You’ve heard of amphibians, right?”

“So you’re a sexual amphibian?”

“If that’s easier for you to understand, sure.”

“Well, have fun water-breathing for a little while.”

She grinned and took off her apron as she went around the end of the bar. Paul looked up when he realized she was approaching his table, straightening slightly in the chair. 

“Settle up your tab. We’re out of here.”

He took out his wallet as he stood, counting off some cash and paying Wayne as Kelly went outside. She put her hands in her back pockets and stared south, away from the station and toward downtown Seattle. She remembered for years thinking she was just a straight woman who could appreciate a woman’s beauty, wondering why her friends made such a big deal about the idea of a threesome. She loved threesomes, loved going to a bar with whoever she was seeing at the time and picking out a candidate.

Laura Fletcher was her grand experiment. She was gorgeous, funny, and smart. The only problem was that Kelly wasn’t in a relationship when they met so a threesome was out of the question. After a bit of going back and forth she finally asked Laura out, just the two of them. They went to bed together on their second date, and Kelly was surprised to find she enjoyed the night more than she would have expected. It was a lot less complicated with just the two of them. They spent the next morning in bed and Kelly tried to figure out if the revelation meant she was a lesbian.

It wasn’t until she and Laura ended things and she met a man that she realized she was the rarest of creatures, an orientation that people on both sides sometimes refused to admit even existed. She was bisexual, and she wasn’t going to waste time trying to convince people of the truth. She didn’t go back and forth from one to the other. Sometimes she would date three women in a row before a man interested her again. She could imagine herself settling down with either sex depending on the person. She didn’t need to justify herself to doubters.

Paul came out of the bar and gestured at his truck. “You want to, uh... follow me?”

“No. You drive.”

She waited by the passenger door until he reached across the seat to unlock it. “Your place,” she said before he asked. 

“Okay.” 

He looked confused, but she knew he wasn’t going to question what was happening for fear of having it end. She waited until he was out of the parking lot and en route before she reached across the center console and began working the zipper of his pants. He straightened in his seat and looked down, looked at her, then looked back at the street.

“Wh-what, uh, are you doing?”

“Getting a head start. It’s been a while since I’ve used one of these. I want to make sure I’m not rusty.” She worked his underwear down and threaded his growing erection out through the zipper. He slid his hands to the top of the steering wheel, arms rigid as she withdrew her hand to lick the fingers before she wrapped them around his length. She squeezed and he grunted, rolling to an overly-cautious stop at a yellow light. She brushed her thumb over the tip and his left foot pressed hard against the floorboards.

“Easy, tiger,” she said. “It’s late, there’s not a lot of traffic. Just take it slow and we’ll be fine.”

“Easy for you to say.”

She smiled and shifted in her seat, ducking under his arm to guide him into her mouth. She pushed his jeans down with her fingers, freeing as much of his shaft as she could, and she put her lips and tongue to work on the tip of him. At one point he dropped his hand to the back of her neck and she broke contact long enough to say, “Don’t do that,” before she started over. He moved his hand back to the wheel with a plaintive groan. She dragged her bottom lip over the head, flicking it with her tongue. He managed a quick warning before he came, giving her a chance to prepare before he twitched against her teeth.

She sat up when he was finished, wiping the excess from her bottom lip with her knuckle. She thought Paul had stopped the truck due to his orgasm, but a quick look out the window revealed he had pulled into a small parking lot next to an apartment building.

“Is this your place?”

“Yeah.” He pointed vaguely at the building. “Third floor, right up there. You, uh. You want to come up? I mean...”

She grinned and opened her door, flooding the cab with light. “You got yours, pal, but that was just the overture. Hope you have another round in you.”

“Stranger things have happened.”

“I don’t want to tell you how to act in your own neighborhood, but you might want to tuck your cock away before you get out of the truck.”

“Oh, shit.”

She chuckled and shut the door behind her. 

#

His apartment was small but surprisingly tidy for a single man, and she was suspicious enough to check for evidence of an absent wife or girlfriend while he was in the bathroom. She didn’t find anything more incriminating than a six-pack of diet soda in the fridge, so she was confident she wasn’t treading on another woman’s territory. In the bedroom she took off her boots before Paul joined her, sliding back on the mattress to let him deal with the rest of her clothes. She lay back against his pillows and closed her eyes as he used his hands and mouth on her, obviously buying time until he was ready for a full second round. She didn’t mind; he had a fair amount of talent and kept her guessing. She couldn’t ask for much more out of a hookup from the bar.

Sometime between when he was nuzzling her breasts and the moment he positioned himself between her legs, she let go of everything that had been clawing at her for the past twenty-four hours. She didn’t forget about Trevor or Courtney, but neither of them were at the forefront of her mind. She wrapped her legs tightly around his waist and began meeting him thrust for thrust. She focused entirely on him, dragging the nails of one hand over his sweaty shoulders while the other grasped the bottom of his headboard for leverage.

She came first that time, and he pulled out so she could finish him off with her hand. He wasn’t quite as impressive the second time, but he did the gentlemanly thing and handed her a towel to wipe the remnants from her hand. She settled onto the mattress, her head resting on the pillow propped up against his headboard, and he stretched out next to her to catch his breath. She considered feigning exhaustion and pretending to go to sleep, but she knew she would fail at that endeavor. So instead she got as comfortable as possible.

“So, Paul. What do you do?”

“I’m entering the seminary tomorrow and I thought I’d see what booze was like before taking my vows. Mama was right, it only leads to sins of the flesh.”

She socked him on the arm. “Next time I’ll leave a bruise. It might have had a bit more validity if you didn’t have a half-empty box of condoms in your nightstand.”

“Oh, right. Damn.” He grinned. “You want the truth?”

“I don’t know. Do you have better and more entertaining lies?”

He sighed. “The truth is, I’m a writer.”

“Ah. Sounds interesting.” She pushed her hair out of her face, wishing for something she could tie it back with. She didn’t want to spend the night, but she also didn’t know where she was in relation to home or the parking lot where she’d left her truck. “Where are we? I couldn’t exactly watch where we were going.”

“Distracted?” he said.

She grinned at him. 

“We’re in Leschi.”

“Damn. From here to Queen Anne? That’s a long way to go for a drink.”

He shrugged. “Worked out for me, didn’t it?”

“Were you meeting someone there, what?”

He shook his head. “No, I was actually working. I write for the _Post-Intelligencer_ to pay the bills. Until my novel sells, anyway, and I start getting the big bucks.”

Kelly forced a smile. “What kind of story are you doing on the Old Flame?”

“I heard it was a firefighter bar. That station right across the street was at the Nob Hill fiasco last night.” With each word Kelly felt a little colder, fighting the urge to sincerely bruise him. “I thought maybe one of the firefighters who were there might come in and I could get a quote or something. You probably know some of them. They’re probably in there all the time.”

Kelly gave up trying to hide her disgust. She turned and put her feet on the floor, reaching for her clothes. “You asshole.”

“Come on. Please, don’t be upset. You said you’d worked there for six years. You must know those guys pretty well. All I wanted was for you to point them out. You’re the one who turned it into, you know, this. Not that I’m complaining. Fuck the article, you know?”

She tugged her pants on and squirmed into her T-shirt before she stood up. “Yeah, I know those guys. I know them all really well. I’m one of them.”

Paul stared at her. “Wait, you’re what?”

“I’m a firefighter, asshole. I work at the bar on my nights off, and I had tonight off because last night I was crawling through that fucking building.” She found her bra and stuffed it into her pocket as she stormed out of the bedroom. 

He followed her, the sheet awkwardly wrapped around his waist and trailing him like a gown. “Wait a second, Kelly. Hold on.”

She was at the door but she spun to face him. “You want a quote for your story? We did everything we could. We did what we were trained to do. And the next time there’s a fire we’re going to do the same thing. Hopefully it will turn out better but there’s no way of knowing for sure. We have to live with the fact so many innocent children died on our watch, and as if that’s not bad enough, we have assholes like you blaming us for not doing enough. Well, fuck you. There’s your quote. Fuck you.”

Kelly stooped to pick up her shoes and left the apartment. Outside she stood on the sidewalk to get her bearings. She leaned against the side of the building to put on her shoes, then took out her phone and used the GPS to figure out exactly where she was. The thought of sucking off a reporter writing a story about Nob Hill made her sick to her stomach, and she wondered how many coffees it would take to get the psychic taste out of her mouth. 

Paul came out of the building wearing pants but no shirt or shoes. He stopped short when he saw she was leaning against the side of the building.

“Kelly. Wait...”

“I said everything I want to say to you, jackass.”

“Wait, let me give you a ride back to your car at least.”

“You’ve done enough. I’m good.” She started walking, aware that he was watching her but too angry to care. When she reached the top of the hill she looked back and saw he’d gone back inside at some point. Her escape officially complete, she squared her shoulders and continued her long walk back home.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**  
Kelly turned her walk of shame into a workout, straying away from the more questionable neighborhoods in favor of well-lit and well-trafficked streets. It took her the better part of an hour to get back to her apartment. She quietly took off her shoes and left the lights off before she realized Courtney wasn’t there and wouldn’t be disturbed if she made noise. She took a long and cleansing shower, put on her rattiest pajamas, and dove headfirst into bed without regard for the nightmares she might have.

She was fortunate in that her next conscious thought seemed to come moments after covering her head with the pillow. The room was bathed with sunlight that proved she’d actually slept, but she didn’t feel refreshed as her brain patiently alerted her to the fact her phone was making noises. She groped for it, stared with one eye squeezed shut to confirm the noise was an actual call rather than an alarm, and she cleared her throat before she answered it.

“Hello?”

“Kelly? Oh, God, did I wake you?”

“Yeah,” Kelly said, wondering why people felt the need to lie about that. “Just a second.” She found the glass of water her half-conscious self had thought to leave beside the bed and drank most of it. “It’s okay. I’m just a little groggy. Who is this?”

“Oh, this is Ruth. McNevin. Trevor’s sister.”

“Right.” Kelly idly tried to make sense out of what had happened to her hair in the night. “Is everything okay?”

Ruth said, “Everything’s fine. Better than fine. Trevor’s awake.”

Kelly was instantly alert. “What? He’s awake? And he’s okay?”

“He’s a little dazed, woozy from the medicine, but he’s going to be okay. He wants to see you in person sometime today, and I thought you should be the one to tell everyone at the station. It would be more appropriate coming from you instead of a stranger.”

“Thank you.” She was already up and gathering her clothes. “When would be good? He’s probably tired right now...”

“No, whenever you want to stop by will be fine.”

“Tell him I’ll be by this morning.” 

“Um... that’s, uh...”

Kelly looked at her phone to check the time. It was almost one o’clock. “Geez. I didn’t know it was this late. Okay, this afternoon then. I’m leaving right now if that works for you.”

“That works fine. We’ll keep an eye out for you.”

They said goodbye and Kelly hung up. She put on a bit of makeup and, after a quick examination of her hair, surrendered to the tangles and decided to wear a baseball cap when she left. She was out the door, keys in hand, when she remembered her truck was still parked at the Old Flame. Her decision to randomly hook-up with someone at the bar was turning into one of her most ill-advised moves of recent memory. She sighed and started walking to the nearest bus stop that would take her near the station.

#

Kelly retrieved her truck from the bar and, after checking to make sure no one from her squad was at the station, continued on to the hospital. The first time she had been so nervous about how Trevor would look that she hadn’t appreciated the calmness of the hospital when there wasn’t an emergency underway. It was the sort of serenity that came from having a large group of trained professionals making sure everything behind the scenes was running smoothly, and it reminded her of quiet moments at the station. 

Trevor’s door was open a crack, but she knocked and waited a moment before venturing in. Ruth was leaning against the wall and motioned her in.

“Hey. Am I interrupting?”

“Nah. I’m just boring him to death.”

Trevor’s bed was angled up, and he looked a lot closer to the man she knew despite still being tied down to his bed. He smiled and lifted his hand to point at her.

“There she is. You owe me an apology, lady.”

“For what?”

“I had no idea how much you weighed. I should’ve let you break _my_ fall.”

Kelly laughed and slapped his foot. “No one asked you to play the hero.”

“Some of us believe chivalry isn’t dead.”

“Some of us call that misogyny.”

He made a yapping motion with his hand and rolled his eyes. “I get crushed and put in the hospital and she accuses me of sexism. See what I have to deal with, Ruthie?”

“Yeah, she seems like a real ball-buster.” She pushed away from the wall and touched Kelly’s arm. “I’m going downstairs to get some coffee. Do you want anything?”

“I’m fine.”

Trevor said, “I’m fine, too.”

“No one asked you. I’ll be back soon.” 

Ruth left, and Trevor swiped at Kelly’s hand. “Hey. Stay away from my sister.”

“What?”

“She’s happily married. Don’t go, you know, enticing her with your charms or whatever.”

Kelly smiled. “I’m not out to seduce every single woman you know, Trevor. I saw the ring on her finger, and I respect that.” She sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to dislodge or pinch anything vital. “How are you feeling?”

“Like every piece of me was taken apart, juggled, and then slapped back together at the last second.” He coughed and shifted on the mattress. “Ruthie wouldn’t tell me anything about the fire, but I got the idea it was pretty bad. We didn’t lose anyone, did we?”

“No. You were the worst injury we had. Kind of makes you feel like a wuss, huh?”

He didn’t smile. “Kelly, come on.”

She sighed and filled him in. He grew increasingly agitated as she spoke, grunting when she told him the man who started the fire was still at large.

“Killed his damn kids, killed all those other kids, and the cops can’t find him? Bet if he was smoking pot, they’d have had his ass locked up while we were still putting water on the place.”

“Pot’s legal now,” Kelly said.

“Right. Well, a few years ago, then.” He stared at the window and shook his head. “And people are blaming us. Assholes.”

Kelly said, “Yeah. Pretty much. The rest of the guys are more than likely bouncing off the walls worrying about you, and when I tell them you’re awake--”

“You haven’t told them yet?”

“I wanted to tell them in person. Chill out. Anyway, they’re going to want to see you. Do you want me to set up a schedule?”

He nodded. “Yeah. That would be good. Thanks, Kelly. You make a pretty good secretary.”

“Yeah. Oh, yeah, I did get one injury.” She lifted her middle finger. “See that there?”

“Looks normal to me.”

“You should know. You see it enough.” She stood up and smiled down at him. “Get better soon. People don’t realize how great I am without you to compare with.”

He swatted at her hand, but she was too quick for him. “Hey.” His tone was different enough that she took notice. “I’m glad you’re okay, even if it meant... you know.”

“I’m glad you’re okay, too. Any preferences on who I send first?”

“Scott. He owes me forty bucks. I want to rub it in that he’ll actually have to pay up.”

“I’ll send him along.” 

She left the room and saw Ruth coming out of the elevator with two cups of coffee. They met in the middle of the hall.

“Hey,” Ruth said. “Leaving already?”

“Yeah. I didn’t want to overtax him.”

Ruth said, “I think he’s just glad to have someone besides me to talk to.” She held up one cup of coffee. “I got you this. It’s just got a little cream in it.”

“Thank you. I actually think I could use this.” She took the cup and sipped from it, hiding her reaction so she wouldn’t seem ungrateful. A little cream was right; the contents of her cup were still so strong she could probably strip paint with it. She pulled her lips back against her teeth as she swallowed. “I had a late night, not a lot of sleep.”

“I can imagine. If you want to talk to someone who isn’t a firefighter, I’d be more than happy to lend an ear. Trevor said the department was probably going to have a counselor if anyone needed to talk, but this won’t be anything that formal. Just... talking over coffee and scones. I just wanted to let you know I’m available.”

Kelly said, “That’s sweet, but you don’t have to.”

“You pulled my unconscious brother out of a burning building.” Ruth’s voice cracked on the last word and she smiled sheepishly. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I promised I wouldn’t get emotional on you. But Trevor... he’s my big brother. And when I think of him unconscious and helpless... I’m very glad you were there. Not that I’m glad you were in a burning building...”

Kelly touched her arm. “I understand the sentiment. I’m glad I was there, too. And I’ll take you up on that offer to talk if I need it.”

“Good. I’m in town another week, but after that you could always call. I know the fire station makes you all a family, so I like to think we’re sisters-in-law now.”

“We absolutely are,” Kelly said. “So I guess I don’t have to tell you not to buy his act...”

“Oh, please. I know him way too well to buy what’s on the surface.”

Kelly said, “Okay, good. I should get going. Everyone’s going to want to know he’s awake and ready for visitors. Oh. Be ready for visitors.”

“I’ve braced myself.” She held out her hand. “Just in case it gets lost in the shuffle before I head home, I just wanted to say it was really great meeting you, Kelly. I’m glad Trevor has someone like you watching his back.”

“It’s an honor,” Kelly said, shaking Ruth’s hand. “And he watches my back, too. If he hadn’t flipped us there’s a really good chance I would have hit the ground first. I don’t think I’d have taken the landing as gracefully as he did.”

Ruth smiled. “So you saved each other.”

“It’s what we do.”

When Kelly got downstairs, she was surprised to find Chief Dobbs leaning against the driver’s side door of her truck. He looked up when she came out the sliding glass doors, and they held each other’s gaze like gunslingers as she crossed the parking lot to join him. He pushed away from the truck and faced her with his arms crossed over his chest and his jaw pushed out. For a moment she thought he was going to punch her.

“What’s going on, Chief?”

“I figured you would be here or at the bar. Saw your truck.” He took a deep breath to steady himself and then locked his eyes on her. “Tell me you didn’t say anything.”

She stopped a few feet away from him, reinforcing the gunslinger imagery in her mind. “Say anything? What are you talking about?”

He held up a tablet computer. “Tell me you didn’t talk to a goddamn reporter, Lake.”

Kelly’s blood went cold even as her face turned beet red. “What did he write?”

Dobbs held the computer out to her and she took it from him, trying to control the tremors in her finger as she brought the screen to life. It was open to an email from the department’s public affairs office with the subject line “Tell me one of your people didn’t actually say this.” The body of the email was an excerpt from an article in the _Post-Intelligencer_.

“A member of the team who spoke on the condition of anonymity, was quoted as saying ‘We did everything we could. Hopefully next time will turn out better. We just have to live with the fact so many innocent children died on our watch.’”

Kelly hissed a curse under her breath, wishing for the days when she could have wadded the paper up and thrown it in the street. 

“Well?”

“I...” She grimaced. “It’s out of context. He didn’t put everything I said.”

He grabbed the computer back from her. “You broke the code, Lake.”

“I didn’t know he was a reporter.”

“So he misrepresented himself?”

“Yes. No.” She growled. “He told me who he was. That’s why I was pissed enough to say that shit. But I never said...” She remembered distinctly telling him he could use it as a quote. “Damn it. Yeah. I said it.”

“With everything we’re going through in the media...”

“I know.”

He shook his head. “Don’t come in to work tonight.”

“Chief!”

He held up a hand to stop her. “You were injured the other night. I’m well within my rights to give you a little time to recuperate. No one has to know you screwed the pooch.”

Kelly realized that she was never named in the article. “Wait, how did you even know it was me? The asshole at least granted me anonymity.”

“Detective work. If he talked to a firefighter I figured he stalked the Old Flame. I got the guy’s picture of their site, showed it to Wayne, and he said you left with the guy last night.”

“So if Wayne knows...”

Dobbs shook his head. “No. I just showed him the picture. He doesn’t know. And no one else will, either. We’ll get a floater from one of the other stations to fill in for your next couple of shifts.”

“When can I come back?”

He sighed. “I don’t know. Not long. But long enough.”

He started to walk away but Kelly called out to him. “Sir. Trevor’s awake. He’s good to have visitors if they show up one at a time. He wanted to see Scott first.”

Dobbs nodded. “Okay. Just stay out of the limelight for a while, Lake. And try to keep your damn mouth shut, huh?”


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**  
With nothing else to do, Kelly returned home and opened her laptop on the kitchen table. She was sick of being told to stay away from the news. Now she was a part of the story, even if he had left her anonymous. She did a search and quickly found several news sources had articles about the fire. She settled back in her chair and stared at the headlines without clicking on anything, preparing herself for the worst. She picked up buzzwords... eleven dead, disaster, children. 

She got up and went into the kitchen for a drink. Working at the bar and seeing all stages and varieties of bad drunks had kept her mostly sober, but she kept a bottle of vodka in the freezer for rare occasions such as this when a drink was the only thing that sounded appealing. She took the bottle back to the table with a glass, poured herself a generous serving, and clicked on the first story that promised to talk about the man who actually set the fire.

His name was Louis Baker. He was a washed-up football player who had faded from the public eye after one miserable season playing for the Seahawks. Two of the kids who died in the fire were his, trapped in their apartment where he had left them drugged and helpless. The article she was reading had an interview with his former trainer. Apparently Baker’s wife had run off three months earlier, and apparently that was all the time it took for him to become overwhelmed by the idea of raising two children on his own. The article ended by saying Baker was still at large despite sightings of him at a gym and near his Capitol Hill home. 

A parenthetical number next to the comment section revealed ninety-six people had something to say about the fire. She was a technological know-nothing but even she knew it was idiotic to read the comments. Still, she was looking for a little sting, a bit of self-punishment, so she took another drink and held the alcohol in her mouth as she opened the tab. 

“Low-rent building, low-income families, it’s no wonder they were only able to save one--”

“This is Seattle!! Don’t whine about STEEP HILLS in Seattle!!! They are the fire dept and they should know how to fight a fire on a fucking HILL!”

“--actually there, and once a couple of them got hurt, the firemen were basically DONE with that building. They didn’t even try after that. One of the firemen (or I guess it was a lady, lol) didn’t even look hurt at all. They just put her in the ambulance to relax, I guess.”

Kelly emptied her just-refilled glass, then refilled it so she wouldn’t be tempted to break it against the table when she put it back down. “Asshole,” she grunted, scrolling down to the next comment. She moved from one comment to the next, slowly letting the vitriol and anger in until she felt capable of punching something.

After reading far too much of the horrible contributions, she finally went in search of a more equitable report about the fire to cleanse her palate. As she read the dispassionate recitation of facts she was taken back to that night. The Nob Hill fire was shaping up to be the worst of her career, but it wasn’t even close to the biggest. The biggest happened her first year on the job, a five-alarm fire that had spread to the neighboring buildings. Station 12 was the third on the scene and she was assigned to keep the fire from moving to the next street.

She’d always known fire was a living, breathing organism but that was her first real chance to see it with her own eyes. Before, the job had always been to contain a force of nature. That night she truly felt as if she had an enemy that needed to be subdued. It seemed sentient and the idea it might counter their efforts was entirely plausible. 

She lifted her glass, found it empty, and looked at the bottle of vodka to gauge how many times she had refilled it without realizing. Eventually she put the glass down without taking a drink; better to be safe than drunk. She capped the bottle and took it back into the kitchen. She was returning it to the freezer when her phone rang.

After all the comments she’d let into her mind, she was ready to take the phone to the balcony and let it fall. When she looked at the screen and recognized the number, her anger faded and was replaced by confusion, then fear. 

“Mom?” She tried to think of a non-catastrophe reason for her mother to call her in the middle of the day, but she came up empty. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. I was just wondering if you were free this afternoon.”

Kelly pushed her hand into her hair to scratch her scalp. “Uh.” She tried to think through the haze of her vodka. There was nothing she had to do, no valid reason for her to refuse, and she couldn’t bring herself to create one out of whole cloth. “Yes,” she finally said, afraid if she didn’t she would concoct a lie about having to get her Pomeranian washed. “I can swing by. When?”

“Well, I was thinking now. If you’re busy, we can forget...”

“No. No.” She opened the desk drawer in search of breath mints. “I can come by. When?”

Addie was silent. “Now.”

“Oh. Right. I’m on my way. I’ll see you in twenty.”

She hung up and popped a mint into her mouth. She knew that if she’d served anyone at the bar as much as she’d had, she would have taken their keys. Telling herself the lie all drunks could provide at the drop of a hat, she grabbed her keys and headed out.

#

She stopped at Caffe Ladro and got a black coffee to further help clear her head, and she bought a latte for her mother as well. When she arrived at the house she was surprised to see the driveway was empty. She checked her phone to see if she’d missed a call canceling their meeting, but there was nothing. She took her mother’s coffee up to the porch, knocked, and found herself secretly hoping there wouldn’t be an answer. Her hopes were dashed when the door swung open.

“Hi.” She awkwardly lifted the cup. “I stopped and got you a coffee.”

“Oh. Aren’t you sweet? Come in.”

Kelly brushed past her and went into the house. “Where’s Dad?”

“He’s down at the station. He wasn’t scheduled to be on duty today, but you know your father.” She gestured down the hall. “I was just in the kitchen finishing the dishes.”

“Okay.” Kelly followed Addie down the hall. Once again she had a flash of the kitchen door of another house, her mother and a man who was still a mystery to her, and she pushed the lifelong illusion aside. She realized suddenly that if the memory was in fact real, she was now about the same age her mother had been at the time. 

Addie went to the sink and turned the faucet back on. She spoke with her back to the room. “I hope you weren’t busy when I called. I just had this urge to talk to you.”

“No, it’s fine.” Kelly pulled out a chair and sat where she could see out the window in the event of any awkward silences. “The chief wants me to take it easy, so I may be pulling a few extra shifts at the bar to make up for it. Just to keep myself busy, you know.”

“Your father was the same way about his construction work.”

Kelly nodded and waited for the conversation to continue. When it didn’t she prompted, “So... did you need some help around the house? I’m not as good with the repairs as Dad is, but if there’s something small...”

“Oh. No, no. He takes care of all that. He and Quinn both.” She rinsed off a plate and put it in the dishwasher. Kelly watched as she added a small pillowy pouch of detergent, shut the door, and started the machine. The room filled with the quiet whoosh of water and Addie dried her hands on a towel.

“Mom.”

Addie looked at her. “Yes, dear.”

Kelly smiled and held her hands out. “You called me to come over here in the middle of the day. I assumed there was a reason beyond watching you load the dishwasher. Did you want to say something to me? Ask me something? I’m here now.”

Addie sighed. “Yes, you are.” She pulled out the chair across from Kelly and sat down slowly. “I resigned myself a long time ago to the fact you wouldn’t be deterred from following your father’s footsteps. Casey was the one who told me not to fight. So even though the other night left me afraid I might lose a second child to fire, I told myself I wouldn’t ask you to quit. I’d never ask any of you to quit. Firefighting is in your blood.”

Kelly nodded slowly. “I appreciate that. I sense there’s a ‘but’ coming.”

Addie smiled and toyed with the edge of the placemat in front of her. “Casey and I were very close. When he died we didn’t have any unresolved issues between us. At least not the sort of thing that would keep me up nights. Not like what’s between you and me.”

“Oh.” Kelly tensed.

“I’m not sure what happened. I don’t know what put this distance between us, but I’d like a chance to address it just in case... well, just in case something were to happen to you. I don’t want anything to be unresolved.”

Kelly leaned forward and laced her hands together in front of her. For a moment she didn’t know what to say. She could feign ignorance and escape as smoothly as possible. She could make up some nonsense about being a tomboy and just gravitating more toward her father and brothers. Part of her knew that her mother would take whatever she said as gospel and let the matter drop. It would be a lot easier to just come up with a lie and move on from there. Unfortunately the vodka still had a grip on her brain, and the awful truth was still better and more attainable than even a half-assed lie.

“When I was a little girl, you put me and Kevin down for a nap. I couldn’t sleep. So I came downstairs, and I saw you in the kitchen. You were with someone. He was...” She leaned back in her chair. “I’m not even sure it really happened. It could have been some completely random thing that my little kid brain couldn’t comprehend. But it wasn’t... I wasn’t... I knew it made me feel awkward and weird. But it wasn’t until later when I found out what sex looked like that I realized what I’d seen.”

Addie blushed bright pink. “Oh.” She looked at her hands as if they were separate from her, tiny five-limbed guests she suddenly had to entertain. “So you saw your father and I...”

“It wasn’t Daddy,” Kelly said softly.

“Well of course it was. It must have been. If it really happened.”

Kelly looked at her mother. “It wasn’t Daddy.”

They stared at each other across the table for a long, tense minute. Kelly could hear a clock ticking somewhere in the house and tried to remember where they had an actual, honest-to-goodness clock that ticked away each second. Then she saw the expression on her mother’s face change, just a fraction, and she knew. A lifetime of doubt and uncertainty disappeared with the slightest relaxing of Addie’s eyebrows, and Kelly knew she hadn’t imagined what she saw.

“Oh, god, it happened. It really happened.” She covered her face with her hands. 

Addie said, “Yes. It did.”

Kelly stood up and paced toward the stove. She put her hands on her hips and looked down at her boots as she tried to wrap her mind around this new circumstance. Suddenly every man in her life, every man their family had ever interacted with, was a suspect. 

“Who was it?”

“You don’t want to know that.”

Kelly laughed and held her hands out in surrender. “If I don’t know, I’ll blame every man that’s ever spent five minutes with this family. Mr. Childress, Benjamin, Bill. Milton.”

“Milton?” Addie wrinkled her nose.

“Sorry, is he not up to your standards when it comes to adultery?”

Addie cringed. “I hate that word.”

“Is there a word you prefer?”

“No. I suppose if the shoe fits...”

Kelly said, “I want to know who it was.”

Addie took a deep, slow breath. “Francis Connelly.”

“I don’t know anyone named...” She rocked back on her heels. “Uncle Frankie?”

“He’s not really your uncle.”

“Like that matters?” Kelly realized she had almost screamed it. “How could you do that to Dad? Cheating on him is bad enough, but with his best friend? God.”

Addie said, “Do you want the trite response, dear? That we never planned for it to happen, or we never meant to hurt anyone? It’s true, but I’m sure you’re not interested in that.”

“I want to know why.”

“Do you think it’s as simple as one reason? One afternoon your father was at work and Frankie stopped by to drop off a Doobie Brothers CD, and I thanked him by taking him upstairs?”

Kelly pressed her fingers to her forehead. “Please don’t give me scenarios.”

Addie said, “It was a long, slow process, sweetheart. We fought it for a long time. We both hated ourselves for it, but we couldn’t stop.”

“What made you stop?”

Addie stood up. “I think we’ve made enough progress for one day.”

“You think...” She smiled humorlessly. “No. You called me over here to have a powwow, so let’s talk. It did stop, right? You’re not still...”

“No! Of course not. But there’s no need for you to know all the sordid details. You asked me to stop giving you scenarios, well. I’m not going to delve into the specifics of our affair.”

Kelly leaned against the fridge, arms crossed, and silence fell over the room once more. Kelly was about to say goodbye and flee the room, but her escape was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and closing. 

“Ma, you here?”

“In here, Kyle.” 

Addie looked at Kelly, who returned the look without changing expression. She could read the meaning loud and clear: they weren’t done talking, but they wouldn’t talk in front of her brothers. Kyle, the second youngest of the family, came into the kitchen and kissed Addie hello. When he turned toward the fridge and blinked in surprise when he saw Kelly standing there.

“Oh. Hey. What are you doing here?”

Kelly stared at him, his thin eyebrows and rounded jaw. His brown-black hair. The fact he could barely grow a beard when even his little brother was shaving twice a day to avoid stubble. She looked at his shoulders and remembered how he’d never been able to wear Kevin’s hand-me-downs without swimming in them. He didn’t look like anyone in their family, but it never occurred to her that he looked extremely similar to Uncle Frankie.

Her stomach sank as she formed a theory about why the affair had ended. She looked at her mother and saw a confession in her eyes. The twisting in her gut worsened and she pushed away from the fridge just to be in motion. She rocked on the balls of her feet and then pushed off toward the nearest exit.

“I was just leaving,” Kelly said under her breath.

Kyle smiled. “Something I said?” 

Kelly patted him on the arm as she barreled past, not willing to look into his eyes for fear she would start crying. Addie called for her to wait but she barely heard it as she moved through the unfamiliar house like it was suddenly a labyrinth. She was on the porch before Addie caught up with her. 

“Kelly, wait. Stop.”

“Does Dad know about _that_?” Kelly hissed.

“No. Of course not.”

Kelly reached for her door, but Addie put a hand against the truck to keep her from opening it.

“Kelly, please. Can we talk about this?”

“No,” Kelly said. “You and I are done talking. We went my whole life barely talking, and I think it was pretty good practice. You didn’t want unresolved issues between us, fine. Consider this resolved. If you need anything from me, it goes through Daddy or one of the boys. Got it?”

Addie looked as if she’d been physically hit. “Kelly...”

“Take your hand off my truck.”

Addie dropped her hand. “I’m sorry.”

“Tell it to Daddy.” Kelly got into the truck and gunned the engine. She didn’t look back at the house as she drove away, but instinct told her that Addie was standing there watching until the truck was out of sight.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**  
In every relationship Kelly ever had, cheating was always the unforgivable sin. Almost everything else could be patched up or forgotten about but if someone was unfaithful to her, there was no redemption. The closest she had ever come to committing the sin herself was when she was still a probationary firefighter, still learning the ropes and doing grunt work the older members of the squad didn’t want to do. Her task that day had been a fire safety assembly at Hilltop Elementary. 

She and her partner for the day, Victor York, arrived at nine-thirty in full gear and proceeded to teach the kids on how to prevent fires and what to do in the event of a situation at home or at school. It was tedious work, and she found it difficult remaining cheerful and chipper through the entire hour-long presentation. They had toys, puppets, games, and prizes meant to keep the kids engaged but they hadn’t brought along anything to keep themselves from going crazy.

Eventually the teachers ended the assembly, but Kelly was still had to fourth through sixth grade assembly after lunch to fret about. Victor went outside to smoke a cigarette, and she wished him luck on finding a spot far enough away from the school so he wouldn’t be seen by students. She wanted to bask in the silence of the gym part of the cafegymatorium, which suddenly seemed about twice as big than when was when filled with students. She gathered their toys and visual aids in preparation for starting all over again with the older kids, and paused to finally take off her bulky and overly warm bunker jacket. When she draped it over a chair, she saw one of the teachers had remained behind and was watching her from the back of the room.

“Oh. Hi. Got any critiques we can use for the next group?”

The woman smiled and took that as an invitation to walk up the center aisle. “Just be on your toes. Older means harder to lull into an obedient audience. They’re going to be a little rambunctious.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Probationary Firefighter Lake, right?”

“Yeah, but you can call me Kelly.”

The teacher joined her on the stage. “That will probably be easier to remember. I’m Ms. Duvall, but you can call me Janice. Do you need a hand resetting everything?”

“No, I’m just about finished. Thanks, though.”

“Sure.” Janice crossed her arms and cocked her hip against the table. “So where’d the other firefighter go?”

Kelly nodded toward the exit. “He went to find somewhere to smoke.”

“Firefighters smoke?”

“More than you would expect.” Kelly smiled. 

Janice cocked her head to one side and, after regarding Kelly for a moment, said, “You know, I think I’ve seen you somewhere before...”

“Hopefully it wasn’t professionally.”

Janice laughed. “No. I think it was at Sea Atlas.”

Kelly tensed slightly and looked toward the door. “Oh. Uh, yeah. I’ve been there once or twice.”

“Just once or twice?” Janice’s voice was softer now, more seductive, and she moved closer to Kelly. “You look damn good in this get-up. The suspenders over the T-shirt? I like it.” She reached up and ever-so-lightly touched Kelly’s arm before dropping her hand.

Kelly chuckled nervously. “Yeah. Uh.” She cleared her throat. “The kids...”

Janice said, “The kids are on the other side of that partition getting lunch. Besides, there’s a little passageway backstage that leads to the music room. Music is only in the mornings, so we could have it all to ourselves.” She rested her hand on the small of Kelly’s back and moved in closer. “We have at least forty-five minutes before you have to be back here for the second presentation. My kids are being watched by the lunchroom and recess monitors...”

Kelly swallowed the lump in her throat and thought of Hunter. “I’m actually dating someone.”

“Is it serious?”

Kelly didn’t think that matters. She and Hunter were committed to each other. They’d been on five dates and, though neither of them had talked about exclusivity, she assumed that by date five there was a certain amount of guarantee they weren’t shopping around anymore. But Janice was gorgeous. And who didn’t have a teacher fantasy? She pictured herself in the music room, surrounded by quiet instruments, whispering, “Oh, yes, Ms. Duvall...”

She shook her head and looked back down at the things they’d brought for the presentation. “I think it’s serious enough. Sorry.”

“Too bad. I’ve always had kind of a firefighter fetish.”

Kelly felt her resolve turning to rubber. She knew Hunter would never find out about the indiscretion, she knew that if it became an issue they could break up without any lasting heartache. Hell, she could send a text right then and there, say it was over, and they would both move on with their lives. She looked at Janice and strongly considered it. Janice could tell she was uncertain and raised her eyebrows hopefully that the no was going to turn into a yes.

But just before Kelly surrendered to her weakness, she saw her mother’s floral dress and her stomach twisted into a knot.

“I couldn’t. I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Janice clucked her tongue and shrugged. “Too bad. But I guess I understand. You do realize the fact you’re loyal is only making me want you more.”

“I think that’s irony.”

“Probably. It was flattering, either way. Even if ninety percent of it was the uniform.”

Janice said, “No more than seventy-five percent, I promise. I have a blonde fetish, too.”

Kelly laughed and went back to organizing her things just to give her something to do with her hands. Janice sensed her discomfort and made a hasty exit. Kelly didn’t see her again until halfway through the second presentation, and she was so flustered that she dropped her helmet. She managed to play off the flub, using the kids’ laughter to draw them in. Afterward Victor packed up their things since she had set everything up and she searched the sea of fleeing students for a glimpse of Janice.

The real irony of it was that Hunter ended up breaking things off two weeks later. Kelly’s first thought was to race back to the elementary school and find Ms. Duvall’s room, but what could she possibly say? “Hi, remember that impulsive and naughty tryst you offered me a few weeks ago? Well, I decided I wanted to do that now, please.” The opportunity had passed, but she didn’t regret saying no. She only regretted the timing and made sure she volunteered for the assemblies whenever she was single in case there was another Ms. Duvall out there.

And even then, even when the vague memory or fabricated image of her mother’s affair might have been fictional, she had used it as the foundation for her own decisions. So it didn’t make sense to her that having it confirmed would have crushed her so completely. And to have the truth about Kyle added on top of it... Kyle. Her little brother, still the baby in her mind even after Quinn came along.

When Kyle was ten, he had fallen off the top of their bunk beds and his wails had been audible all the way downstairs. She had held him while Kevin was on the phone with their parents, comforting him until the tears stopped. And now... well, of course he was still her brother. But how could she look at him without being reminded of what Addie had done?

Kelly drove around Seattle without a plan for almost half an hour, seething about everything that had been piled on her the past few days. She drove through downtown without a plan until she spotted the Ferris wheel in the distance and aimed her truck toward it. She parked and looked out at the water, her hands resting on top of the steering wheel. For her entire life she’d had two families: the Lakes and the fire department. Now one was at risk of being shattered by the truth, while the other was under siege from lies. Her potential chosen family, Courtney, was gone, and that was probably for the best all things considered.

She had never felt so alone or abandoned in her life. She’d always had one of her brothers, or a partner, or someone at the firehouse that she could run to. In the space of a long weekend she had lost all of those options. Even her attempt at getting a little harmless physical gratification had exploded in her face like a pipe bomb.

The Ferris wheel made three full revolutions as she tried to put her mind in order. She watched one group of people disembark so another could board, then pulled out of the parking spot and started driving again. She couldn’t go back home without having a full-on fight with her mother. She couldn’t go to the Stables without being chewed out by Chief Dobbs or being forced to see the counselor. There was a possibility she could go see Courtney, but it would be awkward and ill-advised so she would skip it. As she drove through town, she realized there was really only one thing she could do.

She carefully navigated the neighborhood and, when she found the right building, she had to be certain of the apartment number before she knocked. She stepped back, hands in her back pockets and head down as she waited for an answer. She had just realized it was the middle of the work day when she heard movement on the other side of the door. A lock unclicked and the door swung open.

“Kelly,” Paul said. 

She stepped forward and punched him in the face. He rocked back and clapped a hand over his nose with a shrill sound of surprise. 

“Sorry,” Kelly said. “But my entire life is blowing apart at the seams. I can’t punch my boss, I would never punch my girlfriend or my mother, but you? I could definitely punch you. And you damn well deserve it after printing that story.”

“I...” He checked his fingers for blood and found a small smear. “Ah. I guess I can’t argue that. But you did say I could quote you.”

Kelly pulled her fist back again and he cringed.

“Okay! I’m sorry. I am, I’m very sorry.” He touched his nose again and then frowned at her. “Wait, did you say girlfriend?”

“Ex.”

“ _Girl_ friend, though...”

Kelly said, “Drop it. Look, I’m sorry about your nose.”

“Did it at least make you feel better?”

She sighed. “No. Not really.”

“Well, at least my pain is pointless. I’m going to get some ice.”

He turned around and went toward the kitchen, and Kelly took that as a tacit invitation to come in. She closed the door behind her and stood awkwardly in the entryway. He opened the freezer, took out a packet of frozen vegetables, and pressed it to his face. He walked back to where she was standing, the bag falling forward so he could see over it.

“Can I maybe make it up to you?”

Kelly said, “It would have to be damn impressive.”

He held up a finger for her to wait, then went into the other room. He came back with an iPad, which he awkwardly handed to her while still holding the bag of peas to his face. The screen was open to his email.

“I got this from one of my informants. I didn’t know if I should send it to the cops or the fire department. I mean, you guys have investigators of some sort, right?”

Kelly was barely paying attention to him as she read the email. “You want a scoop? Louis Baker called one of his old teammates earlier and asked about getting a flight out of the city. Teammate got a pilot license so he’s good to go. Probably to Canada. LB is supposed to meet the friend tonight at his house. I got the address if you got the scratch.”

“How much do you pay him?” Kelly asked.

“It depends on the info. For this, he’ll probably ask for five.”

“Hundred?” Kelly said.

Paul said, “Hey, information like this is worth five thousand. The next OJ Simpson is trying to skip the country and I could be on the scene? Hell yes, I’d pay for that. And to make it up to you about the quote, I would be willing to let you tag along. You could watch him get nabbed with your own eyes. I mean, that would have to go pretty far toward balancing the scales, right?”

“Yeah. It would.” She handed the computer back to him. “Get the address.”

“Are you going to pitch in with the payment? I mean it’s...” 

She glared at him.

“Right. I’ll email him back right now.”

Kelly crossed her arms as he went to the kitchen counter, putting the computer down so he could tap the screen with his free hand. Kelly watched him and tried not to get too excited. The information could be a ruse, or Baker could slip away from the cops. The asshole had proven to be extremely evasive thus far, so another escape wasn’t outside the realm of possibility. But for the moment she allowed herself to hope for the best, even if that wasn’t exactly her track record for the week.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**  
That night Kelly sat in the passenger side of Paul’s truck trying not to think of what she had been doing the last time she was in the same position. It was closing in on midnight and there was still no sign of movement. If Paul hadn’t actually called the police to alert them to the tip she would have suspected him of making it up just to get some alone time with her again.

The former teammate Louis Baker had called for help, Elijah Farmer, lived in Blue Ridge, a part of Seattle so swanky Kelly had never even driven through it. There was something vaguely British about the neighborhood; lots of greenery, houses hiding behind lush greenery or blocked by lawns deep enough to deter even the most dedicated solicitor. The roads dipped and curved and swelled like roller coasters to follow the contours of the land, plus allowing the clearest views of the Puget Sound.

“So this is how the other half lives,” Paul said.

Kelly nodded. They were parked a hundred yards down the street from Elijah Farmer’s home as part of the agreement he’d made with Detective Macallan when he handed over the tip. He would be the first on the scene but he wouldn’t be close enough to get in their way when Baker showed up. Kelly wasn’t exactly keen about sitting back and waiting, but she wasn’t in a position to demand anything different. She was there was a favor to Paul, who was there by the grace of Detective Macallan. But knowing she wasn’t welcome didn’t make the waiting any easier.

“What time was Baker supposed to show up?”

Paul’s elbow was propped against the window, but he lifted his hand in a helpless gesture. “My informant just said tonight. Baker probably didn’t know when he’d be able to get here, so I doubt he was specific.”

Kelly sighed. 

“Sorry. Your girlfriend is probably waiting for you.”

She rolled her eyes. “How long are you going to keep harping on that?”

“It was unexpected, that’s all.”

“Courtney is an ex. That’s all you need to know about her.” It was the second time she had referred to Courtney as her ex-girlfriend, and this time it felt even more real. More than that, it felt right. She was absolutely sad about it, but she was also disappointed with herself for leaving Courtney to do the right thing. It couldn’t have been easy to end things given the circumstances, but Kelly could already see it was the absolute right decision.

As her mind wandered she let her attention wander. She looked out the window at the dark hedges and flowerbeds that separated private property from the plebes on the sidewalk. She started to reach for her phone to check the time but stopped short when movement in the side mirror caught her eye. Someone had walked across a driveway and activated their security light. He immediately sidestepped into the street to avoid the glow, then twisted to look behind him as if checking to see if he’d been spotted. His hands were in his pockets, but she could tell he had a bit of bulk to him.

“Shit,” Kelly whispered. “I think that’s him.”

Paul twisted to look, but she grabbed his jacket and forced him to keep facing forward. “Don’t. Don’t do anything.” She rose up in her seat and leaned toward him, pressing her face against his. She was close enough to see his confused expression even in the dark but she shifted her focus to her periphery. When Baker had passed the truck she pulled away and dropped back in her seat.

“What was that?”

“If he’d seen us, he would have wondered why two people were sitting in a parked truck. Don’t get excited.”

They watched Baker as he continued walking. Ahead of them the street branched off in two directions, the ground falling away to provide a spectacular vista of the Sound during the day. At night it was simply a black, empty expanse. Baker reached the corner and angled right, toward Farmer’s home. Just before he was out of sight he stopped short. He stood for so long that he nearly blended into the shadows, a slightly-brighter smudge against the darker wall of flora. 

“What’s he doing?” Paul spoke in an unnecessary whisper.

Kelly shrugged and watched as Baker suddenly backed up a few steps. He turned around and began walking quickly back to the intersection.

“Damn it, he got spooked.” She opened the door and climbed out.

“Whoa, what do you think you’re doing?”

“The motherfucker killed his kids. He killed a bunch of kids he didn’t even know. He tried to kill _me_.” She took off her pea coat and tossed it onto the seat before she slammed the truck door. Baker heard the sound and slowed down. They were about eighty yards apart, obscured by darkness that they were basically just shadows to each other. Baker never actually stopped running, he simply slowed down enough to change direction. He rounded the corner and darted down the other fork of the intersection.

Kelly took off after him. She heard Paul getting out of the truck behind her, but she didn’t pay him any attention. Louis Baker may have been a football player, but that was in his past. Even if he had been in his prime she would feel confident about her chances. On his best day he would have had to run a hundred yards. He was trained and drilled for short bursts of incredible speed. Kelly, on the other hand, trained for endurance. She couldn’t just sit down in the middle of a fire to catch her breath. He had chosen to run uphill, another detriment to his retired muscles, but Kelly sprinted at the high school football stadium until her legs felt like fireplace pokers. The gentle incline of the street was nothing to her.

She closed the distance easily, picking up speed as Baker started to lag. Sirens began to fill the air, and she assumed Paul had alerted the police to the change in situation. The sound gave Baker a second wind and he began to pull away from her, but Kelly was still going strong. She waited until she was alongside him before she threw her arms around him in a massive bear hug. It was almost like grabbing a brick mailbox, her forward momentum swinging her around the relatively stationary object she had just grabbed. 

As Kelly tumbled she pulled Baker down with her, and they hit the ground hard enough that she saw stars. Baker threw his weight to the side in an effort to escape her, but she tangled her legs with his and held on for dear life. The street filled with the bright yellow shine of headlights while their red-and-blue strobes made the neighborhood flicker in every direction. Baker bucked and thrashed but Kelly held tight to him, once again drawing on her training. People panicked when their homes were on fire, and she frequently had to drag people out while they fought her every step of the way.

“Show me your hands!” someone shouted.

She reluctantly let go of her prey and held her hands up in the air. Baker tried to get away but Kelly shot out her foot and kicked the seat of his pants. He sprawled, and a uniformed officer tackled him. Someone stepped between Kelly and the lights of the cars.

“My name is Kelly Lake, I’m--”

“I don’t care.” Something snapped around Kelly’s wrist and she was roughly thrown onto her stomach. “You have the right to remain silent, Kelly Lake.”

“Oh, you are fucking kidding me.”

“Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law. So try to keep the cursing to a minimum.”

Kelly shook her head in disbelief as her other arm was wrenched back to be secured to its opposite. In front of her she watched as Louis Baker was also restrained. She decided the indignity she was suffering was worth it if it meant he was going to answer for what he’d done. The cop hauled her to her feet and began walking her toward one of the waiting squad cars.

“Do you understand the rights I’ve explained to you?”

“Oh, yeah,” Kelly said. “It’s the perfect cap for the week I’ve been having.”

“We aim to serve, ma’am. Watch your head.”

#

The bench was hard under her ass, but otherwise the holding cell was surprisingly pleasant. Louis Baker was Detective Macallan’s case, so they were taken away from the swanky Sound-side suburb to a more central location where everything could get sorted out. Kelly had been fingerprinted and had her belongings seized along with her wallet, shoelaces, and belt. The entire situation made her feel like such a hardened criminal that she laughed when she was led into the cell. Apparently giggling to herself while being locked up was enough of a red flag to keep the other women from getting too close.

Her arresting officer was a painfully young man named Officer Singleton. He asked if there was anyone she wanted to call and her mind went blank. Who would she call? Her parents? One of her brothers? Courtney? The idea of facing any of them sounded worse to her than prison. She could call someone from work, Wayne or a member of her team, but she didn’t want to get credit for taking down Baker unless it was unavoidable. And Paul... she’d spent enough time with Paul. So she gave up trying to think of anyone else to call and settled in for a long wait while the police dealt with their far more interesting catch of the night.

She rested her head against the brick wall, her arms limp at her sides. She had almost fallen asleep when the hall door opened. She heard the melody of keys being shifted and opened her eyes in the hope that everyone in a cage has. The guard was leading a petite Hispanic woman in a suit. The detective looked as if her shift was supposed to end hours earlier, with bags under her eyes and a loosened collar. Her hair had started the day in a braid but quite a few strands had managed to slip loose.

“Kelly Lake.”

“Right here.”

“I’m Detective Macallan.” The cell door was unlocked and the detective motioned for her to stand. “You’re free to go. Paul explained what you were doing, and considering who you tackled, my captain didn’t want you held any longer than you already had been.”

“I appreciate that.”

They started walking back to the front of the building. “It was still a damn stupid thing to do. The man is psychotic. You had no idea what he might have done when you caught him.”

“I was thinking more about those kids.”

“That’s why we’re going to take it easy on you. Even if we wanted to give you a slap on the wrist, the public would rip our throats out.” They had arrived at the bullpen, and Detective Macallan gestured at a nearby desk. “Have a seat. We’ll get your official statement and then get you out of here as soon as we can.”

Kelly sat down in the chair next to Macallan’s desk and waited as she opened a program on her computer. She explained why Paul invited her along without delving into their physical interactions. When the detective asked why she’d taken the risk to chase after Baker, Kelly shrugged and said she decided he had just been free for far too long already.

Macallan printed out the statement and asked Kelly to sign it. “Now that we’re off the record, I want to unofficially say you kicked ass out there. If he’d gotten away I probably would have done something I regretted. Thanks to you, I can finally get some sleep.”

“I guess it’ll be nice to go home.”

“Oh, I’ve been going home,” Macallan said. “I just couldn’t sleep. Those kids...” She bit her bottom lip and shook her head. “Anyway, thank you.”

“My pleasure. I just hope we can keep this quiet.”

Macallan gave her an odd look, then nodded slowly. Kelly didn’t know why her hope would be unusual; cops were as allergic to accolades as firefighters. She retrieved her belongings from the sergeant and headed for the exit. Paul was waiting in the lobby and jumped to his feet when he saw her. She hadn’t noticed in the dark, but her punch had darkened the skin below his eyes and given him a nice red mark across the bridge of his nose.

“Ouch. You might want to rethink about pissing off whoever did that to you.”

He smiled. “Trust me, I’m doing my best. In fact, I think I took a step toward making amends.”

“Uh-oh.”

He walked with her toward the exit. “You’re free and clear, right?”

Kelly nodded. “Yeah. Detective Macallan said you confirmed what happened, so thanks. And I could use a ride back to my truck if you’re not busy.”

“No, not too busy.” He smiled strangely. “But I don’t think we’ll be leaving right away?”

Paul opened the door and Kelly stepped outside into a semi-circle of people. The crowd seemed surreal given the late hour, and it was only when their camera lights came on that she realized who they were. A handful of the mob stepped forward and held their hands out toward her. The microphones looked like dark boxing gloves, and Kelly recoiled before they could connect with her chin.

“Miss Lake, we just want to ask a few questions regarding--”

“--your intention to capture the Nob Hill arsonist single-handedly or--”

“--Five News, Miss Lake, if we could just get a quick--”

Kelly spun on Paul, who was smiling like a child anticipating a gold star. “What did you do?”

“I let them know who to thank,” Paul said. “You’re going to be a hero when Seattle wakes up and hears what you did.”

“You son of a bitch.”

“Oh, shit.” Paul immediately took a step back and clapped a hand over his nose. 

The horde seemed to surge forward as camera flashes went off, video camera lights burning like interrogation lamps as she turned her back on them and fled back into the police station.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**  
Rather than waiting for the crowd to disperse, and well aware that one or two would settle in for the long haul, Kelly retreated to the bullpen. Detective Macallan was in the midst of gathering her things but stopped when she saw Kelly’s frantic return. 

“Miss Lake? Was there something else?”

“No. Reporters.” She turned and saw Paul trailing behind her with a sheepish expression. “He told the press about what happened and now they’re swarming the front doors.”

Macallan rolled her eyes. “Oh, God. Reporters?” She gave Paul the death glare, and then motioned for Kelly to follow her. “Come on. My car is parked in the garage. I’ll smuggle you out.”

Paul said, “What about me?”

“You caused the mess,” Macallan said. “You deal with it.”

Kelly followed the detective downstairs and waited while she rearranged the backseat. “You can lie on the floor and cover yourself with this blanket. It’s probably not going to be comfortable.”

“It’ll be a lot more comfortable than dealing with those vipers out there. Thanks.” She climbed in and folded herself into the cramped leg room behind the front seats. 

Macallan leaned in to pull a blanket off the deck behind the seats. She started to unfolded it but then hesitated. “Oh. You’re not allergic to dogs, are you? There’s probably some hair on this.”

“It’s fine.” She wrinkled her nose at the smell, but didn’t say anything. Escapees couldn’t be picky when it came to their transports.

Macallan draped her with the blanket, and Kelly pulled it up over her head. She could tell when the car went from the confines of the concrete garage and into the open air, and she held herself as still as possible until Macallan gave the all-clear. Kelly pushed away the blanket and hoped its dog-reek didn’t transfer to her clothes as she pushed herself up into the backseat. She looked around and tried to get her bearings.

“Where are we?”

“I turned north when I left the station. Right now we’re headed toward Denny, so I figured from there I could get you wherever you needed to go.”

Kelly told Macallan her address and a few directions to get her on the right track. 

“So you’re a hero now.”

“I guess,” Kelly said. “Hey, does the police department do Witness Protection?”

Macallan chuckled. “Sorry, no. I think you’re just going to have to deal with it.”

“Right.” Kelly sighed and dropped her head against the seat. “Perfect end to the perfect week.”

“Want to talk about it? I’m a cop. I’m used to hearing confessions. Might help to get it off your chest.”

Kelly started to say no, but instead she said, “Six kids died. They were still alive when I was in the building.” She blinked away her tears as she stared out the window. “There was literally nothing else I could do. I only left the building because I fell through the floor. I couldn’t breathe. My partner was hurt so bad the doctors had to put him in a coma. We did everything short of dying ourselves, which wouldn’t have changed the outcome except to make it more tragic. And we’re still getting blamed.”

Macallan said, “If it helps, you went a long way toward changing the story tonight. Louis Baker will be a lot easier to hate than a faceless organization. Especially a faceless organization as helpful as the fire department.”

“Sure. What does a cop know about being crucified in the press?”

Macallan laughed. “You’re right. People with a badge are universally loved the world over. But I have a good imagination. Like you said. Six kids were killed. People wanted to... do something. Help, or at the very least raise their voices to show they weren’t complicit.”

“What good does that do?”

Macallan was silent for a full block. At the next light, she said, “We like to think we’re advanced, but we’re still the same superstitious animals who thought lightning was the gods going to war. We do all sorts of things to appease the dark spirits. We go to church, we say prayers, we have rituals. When something this terrible happens, it triggers that reaction. We do whatever we can, however we can, to fight back in some small way. We yell and scream at people who did their best. We have protests and petitions. We neglect our wives to stay at work until two in the damn morning just to finish the paperwork.”

Kelly looked at the back of Macallan’s head. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. I called her. She’ll just be glad to have me back. That can’t be all that’s bothering you, though. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Kelly said. A breath later she said, “My girlfriend left me, my mother confirmed she cheated on my father for most of my childhood, my little brother is the result of that affair and no one knows but me. Oh, and I accidentally fucked a reporter who put a quote in the newspaper and pissed my boss off because he figured out I was the one who blabbed.”

Macallan said, “Wow.” She pulled to the curb in front of Kelly’s building. “Is that all or is there something else?”

Kelly chuckled and shook her head. “I don’t even remember anymore.”

Macallan turned in her seat. “Can I offer you some advice?”

“Go for it.”

“All your problems have one thing in common. The fire, the media, your family issues, they’re all things you can’t really fix. There’s nothing you can do about your brother or your parents just like there was nothing else you could do in the fire. You’re dealing with a bunch of no-win scenarios. All you can do is adjust to it and minimize the fallout. Firefighters have different methods of attack depending on what type of fire it is, right?”

Kelly nodded absently. 

“Right now, you’re crawling through a building that’s a total loss. You need to be outside putting water on the flames. Make sure they don’t spread to the grass or the neighbors.”

Kelly remembered the dream of standing in a room with no windows or doors, remembered the helpless feeling when everything she did only made the fire worse.

“Thanks, Detective.”

“Diana.” She held out her hand. “My wife thanks you for what you did tonight. I do, too. But Detective Macallan would warn you about trying anything that harebrained again.”

Kelly said, “She’s welcome, you’re welcome, and I’ll definitely hang up my mask and cape. No more superheroics for me.”

“Good to hear. Have a nice night, Kelly.”

“I’ll definitely try. Thanks for the escape.”

Kelly got out of the car and waited until she was inside to inspect her clothes for dog hair. She brushed it away as she went upstairs, let herself into her apartment, and took out her phone. She turned it on and was immediately inundated with messages. Her father, all of her brothers, Wayne, Paul, half the people from the station, a few names she didn’t even recognize...

Courtney.

She opened that message first and brought the phone up so she could hear it. After a quick fumbling noise, Courtney said, “Kelly. Oh, my God. They broke in with breaking news during the sports.” Kelly smiled and had a mental image of Courtney bundled up in her pajamas and big bulky glasses, struggling to stay awake to see the soccer scores. “They said you were the one who caught the guy. How is that even possible? What the hell have you been up to? Call me when you get this. I’m glad you’re okay. I’m angry you did something so stupid, but I’m glad you’re okay.”

Kelly thought about calling her back immediately, aware that when Courtney said ‘call me back’ she meant five in the afternoon or three in the morning. But she knew it would be a mistake. Calling her in the middle of the night, and Courtney answering in the middle of the night, would establish a precedent that would put them firmly on the “still-together” side of the relationship divide. She didn’t want to force that on her.

She moved on to the next few messages, moving past them after she got the gist. The messages were so similar they could have been multiple covers of the same song. “What were you thinking... incredibly dangerous... call me... are you okay... what were you even doing there?” When she made it through the whole list she turned off her phone and plugged it into the charger. 

In the bathroom she took off her shirt and examined her arms. There would be a bruise on her right bicep, and her left elbow was scraped from making contact with the street. Her hands had come out unscathed. She brushed her teeth and found a bottle of ibuprofen, leaving it conveniently on the counter in case she needed one in the night. She turned off the light, finished undressing, and crawled naked into bed.

As she rearranged the pillow under her head, she thought about Detective Macallan’s advice. Do nothing, let the multiple fires in her life sort themselves out while she stood back and did her best to contain the spread. She supposed it was easy enough to put the advice into action. All she had to do was keep to herself and do nothing. She kept that in mind as she drifted off, ignoring the chirp as her phone shunted another call to voicemail.

#

When she and Kevin were still the youngest members of the family, Patrick and Addie had gathered them all up and driven to Alki Beach for the afternoon. It was summertime and one of the rare truly hot days Seattle ever got, so they were determined to spend as much time outside until rainclouds moved in and sent them back to the house. They got ice cream cones from a shop and almost dropped them in the sand in their excitement to get to the water. She remembered looking back to see Casey and their father lugging all the blankets and toys they had brought from the house, then laughing as the water lapped at her toes.

As soon as she knew it was a dream, the day took on a surreal quality. The Lakes had certainly gone to the beach in real life. Her memories were of happy days of family togetherness, of splashing Casey with water and griping as she had sunscreen rubbed on her shoulders. But with the benefit of hindsight and the magical unreality of dreams, she was able to separate from her childish point of view and see the day as if having an out-of-body experience. Yes, the beach day was before Kyle was born, but how long before?

She watched her parents and saw a tension between them she’d never noticed before. She wondered if she was seeing it because she knew the truth or only because she was projecting it on them from the dream. They sat on the same towel, Patrick in his department T-shirt and crew cut while Addie wore a one-piece bathing suit under a thin shawl. Was she pregnant then? And if she was, did Patrick know? And if he knew, did he know the whole truth?

Casey came and sat beside her. She kept watching their parents for a moment before she bumped her knee against his. He bumped her back.

“Why’d you have to die, asshole?”

“Walking out of a burning building isn’t as easy as you made it look, squirt.”

She smiled, which knocked loose a tear. She wondered if she was crying in real life, moistening her pillow, but she didn’t reach up to wipe it away. 

“You know what I think you should do.”

Kelly looked at him. “And what’s that?”

He smiled. “It wasn’t a question. You know what I would say if I was here. If you were going through all this, your girlfriend and the job, and you came to me for advice, I’d tell you the same thing I told you in eighth grade when those bitches kept bugging you.”

“Fuck ‘em.” Kelly remembered that. She wanted to drop out of school, wanted to move to a new district, anything to get away from the Tiffanys and the Brittanys who seemed to think she wasn’t worthy of their friendship. Casey had found her hiding under her bed sobbing into the crook of her arm, her shoulders bucking with the force of her crying. He told her to fuck what they thought, and Kelly was so startled by his language - the first time anyone had used such foul language in front of her - that she stopped crying to look at him.

“They don’t have any power. None. They have mean names and dirty tricks. That’s all. If you let them change what you are, then you’re giving them power. So take the power away.”

The next day she went to school, and the cabal was waiting to block her from entering. Suddenly Kelly saw them clearly. They were a pack because none of them were strong alone. They acted as if they were important so no one would look closely and see that they didn’t matter. Kelly had walked up to the de facto leader and looked her in the eye.

“I’m sorry no one cares about you.”

She was slapped, knocked down on the sidewalk, and her books were kicked away from her. A teacher intervened before any real damage was done, and the group of bullies dissolved as their leader was dragged away. But one of them lingered, and she crouched to pick up Kelly’s book. She held it out to her, averting her gaze out of guilt or shyness or both.

“Are you okay?”

Kelly nodded and gathered the rest of her books. The leader of the group was sent home for the day, but even after she returned Kelly was unmolested for the rest of the school year. 

She woke from the jumbled dream, unsure when exactly it had shifted from the beach to school, and stared out the window until she was awake enough to sit up. She rested her elbows on bent knees, her hand cupping the lower half of her face, and she realized the dreams had been her brain’s way of telling her that she already knew exactly what she had to do.

She was scheduled to work that afternoon, but she knew Chief Dobbs would tell her to stay away and claim she needed more time to recover. Instead she would show up to work as if it was an ordinary day, as if the past week hadn’t happened, and she would fight tooth and nail anyone who tried to send her home. First, though, she had something much more important to do.

She had to go see Courtney.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**  
Janssen/Cross & Associates was on the sixth floor of a building downtown, and from Courtney’s office Kelly could look down at the monorail tracks. The receptionist told her that “Miss Garfield” was in a meeting but she was more than welcome to wait, and Kelly spent the next twenty minutes wandering around Courtney’s space trying not to snoop. There was a framed photo of them on her desk, and Kelly sat in Courtney’s seat to admire it. 

The picture was taken just a few days after they decided to become serious about each other. Kelly wasn’t sure what Courtney’s turning point had been, but for her it was the night Courtney stayed over and they didn’t have sex. They were both too tired and Kelly didn’t see any reason to send Courtney out into the cold night. They cuddled, they kissed, but eventually they both fell asleep without actually doing anything. A few nights later over dinner, they discussed becoming exclusive, and the decision was a no-brainer for both of them.

She wished she could as easily pinpoint when everything started going downhill. There was no peak that she could think of, no moment when her stomach dropped and she realized they might be falling out of love. There was just a sudden realization that she didn’t see herself with Courtney for the long-term. But that didn’t affect the good memories she still treasured. In the rain, smelling hot chocolate on Courtney’s breath as she pulled her in for a kiss. Seeing _Little Shop of Horrors_ and looking over to realize Courtney was crying during “Suddenly Seymour,” squeezing Courtney’s hand until the song was over. 

Kelly heard people in the main bullpen and put the picture down. She had just stood up when Courtney appeared in the doorway. 

“Kelly. Hi. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. We just need to talk.”

Courtney nodded. “Do you want coffee or a bagel?”

“No, thanks.”

Courtney stepped into the office and shut the door behind her. She put her computer down on the desk and pulled Kelly into a hug. 

“I saw you on the news. It was just a quick flash, but they were arresting you.”

Kelly said, “It’s okay. I’m fine. They let me go. I wasn’t even charged.”

“But are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I’m completely fine.”

Courtney let her go and rubbed her arms before stepping back. The emotion of the moment passed and they were left all too aware of the fact their relationship was hanging in the balance. There was a quiet rumble down below and Kelly knew the monorail had just sped past, and she smiled at the timing of it. It was like there was enough tension between them to make the room tremble. Courtney took the opportunity to reclaim her seat, while Kelly sat across from her.

“So, is this a good meeting or a bad one?”

Kelly started to answer, but she stopped herself. “Depends on how you take it, I guess.”

“Oh, boy.” She sat down. “I guess go ahead.”

“You were right.”

“Well, it’s starting out well.”

Kelly smiled. “Before Nob Hill, I was pulling away. I wanted to end things, but I love you too much to hurt you. I was even trying to think of ways to make you leave me so I wouldn’t have to bother with it. After the fire, I clung to you because I still love you. And you were there, you were comfortable and familiar, and I wanted that more than anything. I took advantage of you. You did the right thing when you stepped back. It made me realize that what I was doing wasn’t fair to you.”

Courtney looked down at her hands. “So what do we do now?”

“I think we should break up.” Kelly was surprised how much it hurt to say those words. “I could grab onto you, take all the comfort you have to offer, keep taking it until I feel better, and then I’ll be ready to move on again. You shouldn’t have to do that.”

“I wouldn’t mind too much.”

Kelly smiled. “I know. But I’d hate myself. And there’s someone out there who won’t just be a leech. Someone who deserves you. Someone you can run to when you’re feeling bad and just need a shoulder to cry on. I can’t be that. And if we stretch this on any longer, we’ll start to resent each other, and that would tarnish all the good memories we have.”

“I wouldn’t want that,” Courtney said and smiled sadly. “We’ve had some good times.”

“Some really good times. I couldn’t just leave us in limbo. You should be out there looking for the person you’re supposed to be with, because I know she’s desperate to find you.”

Courtney chuckled. “Here’s hoping.”

Kelly stood up. Courtney did the same, moving around the desk and offering a hug. They embraced tightly, and Kelly buried her face in the crook of Courtney’s neck.

“You’re my favorite person,” Kelly said quietly. 

Courtney chuckled. “That may be the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me. Thank you.” She kissed Kelly’s cheek, then her lips. “I love you, Kelly.”

“I love you, too.” She smoothed down the collar of Courtney’s shirt. “How about when everything’s a little more settled, we go out to dinner? We can do the whole... exchange of left-behind items then, too. No drama.”

“Okay.” She touched Kelly’s face. “If you need to talk before that, you can call me. Any time.”

“Thank you. Right now I have to go. More bridges to unburn.”

Courtney nodded. “Be safe. If you can’t do that, be smart.”

Kelly grinned. “Wise words. I’ll do my best.”

#

Kelly parked in her usual spot in front of the station, but she walked around the side of the building rather than going in. She had stopped at a fast-food restaurant when she left Courtney’s office and ordered a salad with grilled chicken on the side. As soon as she popped the plastic lid of the takeout container, a multicolored head poked out of a hole on the fence. Kelly crouched and clicked her tongue as she held out the offering, and Pyro squirmed free to hurry over.

“Hey, moocher. Anyone been feeding you while I was gone?” She ran her hand down his side, scratching his ribs as he sniffed and examined the food to determine the best angle of attack. 

The back door opened and someone came out. She waited until he had been standing there silent for a full minute before she looked up to see Lieutenant Martin Berg watching her. It was difficult to tell from his expression whether he was angry or impressed with her, so she focused on the cat again. Pyro made a warning sound in his throat, so she took her hand off of him and stepped back. 

He finally broke the silence. “Tarik said he saw you pull in. You probably should still be recuperating.”

“I’ve recuperated enough, don’t you think? I went jogging last night without my inhaler.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Oh, you went jogging? How’d that go?”

She shrugged. “I’ve had worse exercises.”

“Uh-huh.” He looked down at the cat. “You spoil that thing, you know?”

“Someone has to.”

He nodded, cleared his throat, and sighed. “You’re kind of predictable, you know? You’re scheduled to work today, and given everything that’s happened, no one doubted you would show up.”

Something about his tone gave away that her loyalty might not be a good thing in the current situation. “Don’t tease me, Lieu.”

Berg gestured with his head. “Chief Dobbs is in there waiting for you. He has someone from Public Relations with him.”

“But no one from the union?”

“Hey, small favors, right?”

She blew air out through her lips, bent down to scratch Pyro behind the ears, then motioned for Berg to lead the way. Tarik, Scott, and Otto were in the apparatus bay with the engine, and she waved sheepishly to them. As one they held their arms out in front of them and bowed deeply from the waist. Tim Brott was in the kitchen and came out to join their genuflecting.

Berg said, “All right, you idiots. Cut it out.”

Scott feigned a breathless southern accent. “I want your autograph, lady! I can’t believe it! _The_ Kelly Lake! Right here in our station!”

Kelly lifted her hand behind Berg’s back and flipped them off where he couldn’t see. He led her into Chief Dobbs’ office and shut the door behind her. Dobbs was sitting across the desk from a tall lanky man with white hair, a gray mustache that overshadowed his top lip, and eyebrows that could cut glass. The guest stood up when she came in and held his hand out to her.

“Kelly Lake?”

“That’s me.”

“I’m Ray Diaz. I’m with the department’s Public Relations department.”

Kelly said, “Past couple of days, I bet you’ve envied those of us who only run into fires for a living.”

He smiled. “It’s been a trial, that’s certainly true. Please, have a seat.” 

Kelly did as he said, watching Dobbs. He finally met her eye and, like Berg, his mood was unreadable. 

“I’m told that you gave an ill-advised statement to the press in regards to the Nob Hill fire.”

Kelly tensed. “I spoke in the heat of the moment. It was a mistake.”

Diaz leaned forward and steepled his fingers in front of him. “Regardless, that mistake served to make a lot of angry people even angrier. It all but confirmed the things they had been saying about us. We’re callous, we simply don’t care one way or the other, and so on. They were getting ready to come after us with torches.”

“Let them. We have the equipment to put them out.”

The frown lines on his face lifted into a smile. “You’re quick. I like that. You have a nice personality when you’re not backed into a corner and poked with a stick.”

Dobbs said, “She can be a smart-ass.”

Kelly raised an eyebrow at him. “Was that a compliment, sir?”

He said, “See what I mean?” She saw the hint of a smile on his face.

Diaz said, “I know a bit about human nature, Miss Lake. For instance, I know the public focused on the fire department’s inadequacies because we were convenient. But we’re a large, anonymous organization. It’s hard to hate something that big for very long. Last night the city was given a single focal point for its hatred, and this time that hatred is actually warranted. The people of this city have a villain to point at, and his name is Louis Baker.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Yes what?”

She flinched. “I... don’t know. It just seemed like I should say something.”

“Fair enough. What you did last night not only provided the city with a villain, they were given a hero in the same moment. The Seattle Fire Department was no longer a massive organization, it was one person. It was a woman named Kelly Lake, who chased down a monster in the middle of the night and held him until the police could arrest him.”

Kelly tensed. “Oh, God, no.”

Dobbs smiled. “We thought you’d be happy you weren’t in trouble anymore.”

Kelly looked at Berg in horror. He shrugged, so she looked back to Diaz. “Tell me you’re not suggesting what I think you are.”

“The department has been dragged through the mud these past few days. Public opinion has ranged from indifference to actual hatred. A few guys at Station 8 had their trucks egged. Frankly, we need the good publicity. You caught the bad guy. You brought him to justice and, when the press tried to get their claws on you last night, your reaction was humble and understated. People like you. And if you let them fawn over you a little, it could help the department recover some of its pre-Nob Hill image.”

She looked at Dobbs for help, but he just smiled. 

“I thought I was going to get suspended.”

“Nope. Worse. You’re going to be spending some time giving interviews, going on television, talking about the dramatic takedown of the most hated man in Seattle.”

Kelly said, “Please, boss, just send me home. Three weeks without pay.”

He chuckled. “You ignored my advice, Kelly. Anyone else, I’d be pissed off enough to send them home for a month. Hell, maybe even two. But I know you. This is going to be so much worse.” He grinned and leaned back in his chair. “Brace yourself, kiddo. You’re about to be a star.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**  
The good lord, or fate, or whatever cosmic entity was in charge of Kelly’s life decided she had gone through enough knee-high shit and granted her one small piece of bliss on her first day back at work. They were called to assist with a boat fire on Lake Union. The boat was moored, but the only possible angle of attack was from the water. So the first responder was the _Nisqually_ , a 108-foot fireboat.

Engine 12 arrived as the _Nisqually_ and a support boat arrived at the flaming vessel. They were geared up and ready to go just in case the fire started to spread to the dock, but it seemed to be pretty well-contained. Kelly relaxed against the side of the truck, her hair up in a comfortable bun under her helmet. The day was warm but not too bad even with her gear on. It felt good to be wearing the uniform again, good to be suited up and ready to go if she was called. She’d spent far too much time on the sidelines and she was ready to get back where she belonged.

Scott Shelley was leaning against the truck to her left, eating an apple as he watched the fireboat squad have all the fun. 

“So here’s what I’m thinking,” he said after a bite. “Pin-up calendar. All very tastefully done. Shirtless under a bunker coat, maybe a pair of suspenders... playing with the big hose.”

“I’m sure if you ask him, Otto would be very happy to pose for it.”

He grinned. “Otto’s not the big-time hero. Also he’s not as hot as you are.”

“I heard that,” Otto called from the cab. “Untrue. I am the hottest one here.”

Kelly shrugged. “He’s got you there, Scott.”

Scott ignored them. “It’ll be the juxtaposition--”

“Good _lord_ ,” Kelly laughed.

“--between the stereotype of the pin-up girl housewife look with the modern female firefighter. A strong woman, kicking ass, tackling men twice her size. Women will want to buy the calendar because you’re like Rosie the Riveter and the Statue of Liberty had a damn baby. Men will...”

“Jerk off to it?” Kelly said.

He shrugged. “You could see it as a compliment.”

She glared at him. “Don’t ask me to pose for some cheesecake calendar and then try to pass it off as feminism. I just want this whole mess to blow over.”

“Hey, you want to turn down a million-dollar idea, it’s no skin off my nose. I’m just trying to help you capitalize on your fame.”

“You mean infamy,” she said. “First it’s a calendar, then TV interviews, then magazines start following me around, then it’s _Dancing with the Stars_ and my own reality show.”

Scott was staring at her. “That all sounds _awesome_.”

She shook her head. “You’re a damaged man, Scott.”

The fireboat quickly extinguished the flames, and Kelly’s team was given the all-clear to head back to the Stables. Kelly spent the ride thinking about what Scott had said. Not the calendar nonsense, but his insistence that her fame would last longer than a day or two was alarming. Even in the internet age, especially in the internet age, celebrity was a fleeting thing. She could be all over the news one night and completely forgotten by the next.

She could only keep her head down, do what the Chief and the public relations troll told her to do, and hope one of the Seahawks pulled saved someone from drowning in the next few days. In the meantime there was no reason to put her life on hold. She would call Courtney and set up their dinner date, put that part of her life to bed once and for all, and then try to figure out where she was going next.

Whatever was next, though, she highly doubted it would involve getting naked in the apparatus bay while Scott took pictures.

#

Kelly called Courtney to set up a date, and it turned out the night after the Lake Union fire was the only one they both had free that week. After a bit of hesitation on both their parts, they decided it was better to do it quickly so they could begin healing. No sense in dragging it out even longer. But once Kelly had changed for their date and arrived at Courtney’s apartment she found herself wishing she had a few more days to prepare. Days, weeks, a month would have been ideal.

She had spent most of the afternoon going through the apartment in an effort to identify things that Courtney had brought over, what they had bought together, and what should stay. She felt like a relationship archaeologist, turning things over in her hands as she tried to think back to their origins. Courtney had bought the strap-on, so it was rightfully hers. The books on the left nightstand were all Courtney’s, too. Clothes were easy, since Courtney was a little bustier and wore a larger size, and her hips were narrower. Finally she decided she had everything. 

She almost got lost on the way to Courtney’s apartment, but she quickly found her way again. The box was heavier than she remembered as she toted it up the stairs. Kelly shifted the weight of it against her hip so she could knock, then awkwardly waited for an answer. Courtney opened the apartment door a few seconds later, blinked, and took a step back to take in the whole picture. After a moment she smiled. “You’re wearing a dress.”

Kelly shifted her weight to the other foot and looked past the box at her emerald green dress. “Yeah. I thought... you know... last dinner as a couple, I might as well dress up for it. And you said you always liked me in a dress, so...” She tensed. “Not that I’m trying to tempt you or anything. I just thought I would try to look nice.”

“I understand. And you do. You look beautiful.”

“Thanks. Um.” She awkwardly held up the box. “I brought your things, like we said.”

“Oh, great. You can just put it down next to the door.” Kelly bent down to place the box next to Courtney’s boots, under the tail of the coats hanging from hooks between the front door and the kitchen. “I’m not quite ready to go just yet. Do you want to come in for a minute?”

“Sure.” 

Kelly closed the door behind her and lingered near the kitchen while Courtney went into the living room. The apartment looked like a hotel room; lived-in but not personalized. Courtney had spent so much time at Kelly’s apartment that her home was basically just a large closet that she visited from time to time in order to justify her rent. Courtney wore a charcoal suit over a yellow blouse. She sat on the edge of the couch and bent forward to put on her shoes.

“The place looks good.”

“Yeah. I’m still getting used to it again.” She looked at Kelly again. “Damn, you look good in a dress. I wish I’d made you wear more of them. Why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know. I knew you liked me in a dress, but I just...” She touched the material and tried to put it into words. “It’s one of the downsides to being in a relationship. You find out what the other person likes, and then it sort of becomes, like, a treat? A reward? It’s something you give them on a special occasion. You like me in dresses, so I decided they were for big nights. Anniversaries, birthdays, celebrations.”

Courtney finished strapping herself into her heels and stood up. “I guess that’s true. And then there are things you can’t ask for because you think it might freak the other person out.”

Kelly raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “Oh, now I’m curious. What sort of things did you want to ask for?”

“I plead the fifth.”

“Uh-uh,” Kelly said with a grin. “Come on. This is our last dinner, so we might as well take off the kid gloves. No holds barred. Was there something you wanted me to do that you were afraid to ask?”

Courtney scratched her wrist under the cuff of her shirt and gazed around the apartment to put off answering for a moment. “Well. Sure.”

“I’m waiting.”

Courtney sighed heavily. “A threesome.”

Kelly’s eyes widened. “You wanted to have a threesome? And you thought I’d say no?”

“It’s not that I thought you would say no. We were in a relationship. And if I just blurted out over dinner I wanted to have someone else in bed, it would have opened up a whole can of worms. You might have thought you weren’t enough for me, or that I was unsatisfied with what we had.”

“I would never have thought that.”

Courtney nodded. “I know. But the worry was real enough that I just never brought it up.”

“Shame,” Kelly said. “If I find someone else who wants a threesome, can I call you?”

“Yes.

Kelly blinked. “I was joking.”

“I wasn’t. We’re breaking up because we’re not right for each other in the long run. We still find each other attractive. Right?”

“Oh, hell yeah.”

Courtney grinned wider. “Well, what’s the harm in falling in bed now and then? We’re both pretty good at it. We’re going to try and be adults, try to be friends. What’s wrong with trying to be friends with benefits?”

Kelly scratched her cheek as she considered the possibilities. “Were there any other things you were nervous about asking me for in the bedroom?”

“Why?” Courtney said. “Were there things you would have asked for?”

“I don’t know. We kind of have a blank slate. We know this is our last night as a couple, so we can ask for whatever weird thing we might want without worrying about freaking the other person out.”

They stared at each other across the living room for a long moment before Courtney shrugged out of her jacket.

“Our reservations aren’t until eight,” she said as she reached for Kelly.

Kelly took her hand, pulling her toward the bedroom. “We’re probably going to miss them.”

“Okay. Get the box of stuff from your apartment.”

#

Kelly arched her back as she came again, grunting with her lips pressed against her bicep as Courtney’s left hand roamed over her sweaty back. Courtney’s right hand was wrapped in Kelly’s hair, which until seconds ago, she had been pulling. Kelly shivered and bit hard on her arm before grunting and pushing her hands up under the pillows. Courtney withdrew the toy and they grunted into stereo at the loss of contact. Courtney dropped face-down on the mattress next to her, and Kelly stretched out like a cat basking in a strip of sunlight. Her foot nudged something that fell to the floor with a hollow thump.

“Oh, shit...”

“It was just the lube,” Courtney said.

Kelly flipped over onto her back and scooted until she was pressed against Courtney’s side. Courtney propped herself up on her elbows to kiss Kelly’s temple. Kelly closed her eyes and purred contentedly as Courtney began stroking her hair. “I think they probably gave away our reservation.”

“No,” Kelly said, lifting her head to look at the clock. “No, you meant eight in the morning, right? We still have hours and hours.”

Courtney grinned. “Yes, I made breakfast reservations.”

Kelly took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “So did we make it through your bucket list?”

“Fuck-et list.”

Kelly laughed and swatted Courtney’s rear end. It wasn’t the first time she’d done it that night. “I think we covered all my bases. But wow, you had some unexplored depths of kink in you, woman. Who knew you were so depraved?”

Courtney shrugged. “I figured blank slate... why not go for it? I found a couple of things I’ll definitely try with my next girlfriend. Or whoever you find to share with me.”

Kelly kissed her shoulder, and Courtney guided her up to kiss her lips. Kelly held the kiss while she dragged two fingers down Courtney’s body to the harness of her strap-on. She managed to get it undone, then Courtney lifted her hips and pushed the toy down and off. She used her toes to drop it onto the floor with the lube, then laid herself across Kelly’s body.

“Sorry I ruined the big last dinner thing.”

Kelly frowned. “What are you talking about? Skipping dinner was my idea.”

“No, it...” Courtney tried to think back, then shook her head. “Apologies obviously not necessary, then. Besides, I think this was a much better farewell than some silly dinner.”

“Yeah.” She brushed the hair out of Courtney’s face. “Although I heard once that any sex that occurs after breaking up is technically make-up sex. So if we want to make it official...”

Courtney held up two fingers and drew a cross with them. “Kelly Lake, I hereby declare you broken up with.” She smiled, but tears shone in her eyes. “Damn it, that was supposed to be funny. I don’t know why it made me tear up.”

“Because it’s sad, stupid.” Kelly kissed her. “We still love each other.”

“We do.”

“But you deserve someone better.”

Courtney sat up and rearranged herself until she was sitting cross-legged on the bed. “That’s not true, Kel. We were wrong for each other, but that doesn’t mean you’re bad. It doesn’t mean I’m looking for an upgrade. We’re not doing this because I want an upgrade. I don’t think I’ll find an upgrade. You’re a hero, Kelly. You’re funny. Smart. Tough. You’re a good cook...”

“Now I know you’re lying.”

“Hush.” Courtney stroked her hip. “You know enough to shut up during my TV shows, and you know how to sit quietly in a room with someone and just not talk. That’s priceless, babe. But there’s stuff you do that drives me absolutely bonkers, too. There are times I just want to strangle you, and we fix it by going to bed together...”

Kelly raised an eyebrow.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But we don’t work things out because part of us knows we’re not strong enough to withstand that sort of scrutiny. We don’t work together but apart? We’re both phenomenal. I know I’m going to find someone, and anyone would be lucky to have you. I was lucky to have you. But you’re right. We’re just...” She wrinkled her nose and shook her head. “We’re not the end game for each other.”

Kelly put her hand on Courtney’s thigh and rubbed it gently. “Now we shower, get a little sleep, and then we go our separate ways as friends.”

“That sounds good.” Her hand strayed a bit higher. “Friends can shower together, right?”

“How else are we supposed to get those hard to reach places?”


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**  
Over the next few days Kelly found a nice balance between accepting interviews - two radio, one televised - and turning them down so that the public relations man didn’t come crashing down on her. The radio interviews were first and put her at ease. She did them over the phone from her apartment, sitting on the couch in her robe with a bowl of oatmeal in front of her. She told Diaz that she wanted her sole on-camera interview to be “exclusive,” a word that to her meant she would have a built-in refusal if anyone else asked her to be on their show.

She was told to dress casually and, to her, that meant a department T-shirt and slacks. Her segment would air at seven-thirty so they asked her to be at the studio by five. She worked at the bar until two, went home, showered, got dressed, and pulled into the parking garage with an hour to spare. She took a nap in her truck and then went inside to face the music. A woman wearing a headset immediately ushered her into a cramped room that was lit a peculiar shade of pale yellow, and she was deposited in a barber’s chair in front of a wall of mirrors.

“First time on television?” the makeup artist asked her as he examined her in the mirror.

“Yeah. Any advice?”

“Don’t sleep in your car right before going on. You have puffy eyes.”

She cringed. “Oh. Sorry.”

“No sorry. I can fix it good as new.”

By the time he was finished, Kelly was sure he had some kind of magical powers. She’d been putting on makeup for most of her life and it never looked as natural as his work. She thanked him quickly as the bespectacled headset woman returned and hauled her into another room. This time the woman took a second to apologize for all the haste.

“We’re usually running ragged from start to finish. Ten thousand moving pieces and they all have to fall in the right place at the right time...”

“I understand.”

The woman offered a hand. “I’m Kelly.”

“I’m...” Kelly blinked and shook her hand. “I’m Kelly, too. Kelly Lake.”

“Oh, the firefighter. Right, the T-shirt, of course. Okay, hair will be done in here.”

She was deposited in a second tiny room, this time to be fretted over and primped like a poodle. She almost apologized for the state her hair was in, but the woman didn’t seem to notice or care. She was brushed, washed, sprayed, combed, and then she was asked if she wanted the hair up or down. Up seemed like the easiest to maintain so she had them pulled it into a tight ponytail. When they were finished the other Kelly arrived as if summoned, motioned for Kelly to follow her once more.

There was a small stage made up to look like a living room with three-quarters of a room built around it. She was directed to sit to the left, and someone hooked her up with a microphone. She said they would get to her in about fifteen minutes, and then she was left alone.

Through the monitors she could see a live feed of the main studio. Steven Simmons and Rita Wynn were talking about an overnight car accident on Yesler Way. Kelly smoothed her hands over the crease in her slacks, thought about crossing her legs, almost touched her hair but didn’t want to mess up all the hard work that had been done on it, and eventually just rested her hands on the arms of the chair and stared straight ahead.

“Coming up next,” Rita Wynn said from the monitor, “an exclusive interview with Kelly Lake, the heroic firefighter who not only risked her life at the tragic Nob Hill fire but also helped police track down and arrest the man who was responsible for causing it. We’ll speak with her after the break.”

Kelly took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The cameras were moved into position, and various behind-the-scenes people moved in to surround the living room set. Rita Wynn was the last to arrive, sweeping across the stage in a red blazer over a black polka-dotted blouse. She stepped out of her sneakers and put on high heels since her legs wouldn’t be hidden under a desk, smoothed down her hair, and extended her hand like a jouster’s lance as she crossed the stage.

“Kelly? Hi! Rita Wynn. Thank you so much for agreeing to do this.”

“Sure.”

Rita took a seat while the cosmetic people touched up her face and hair. When they cleared out Rita faced Kelly. “Just relax, talk normally... a lot of people think they have to put on a show. You’re here to be yourself. Just remember that and you’ll be fine. Should I call you Firefighter Lake, Ms. Lake...?”

“Kelly is fine.”

“Okay.” Someone behind the camera started a countdown. “You’ll do just fine.”

Kelly nodded and suddenly had no idea what to do with her hands. She ended up folding them in her lap as the lights came up and the camera moved in to focus on Rita, who smiled brightly.

“Welcome back, Seattle. Last week, our next guest was one of the firefighters who responded to the tragic Nob Hill fire that left eleven people dead, including six children. She was also involved in capturing Louis Baker, the man responsible for setting the fire.” She turned to face Kelly. “Thank you for joining us.”

“Thank... uh, it’s a pleasure.” She flinched at her misstep and rubbed her hands together. “Sorry. Nervous.”

“It’s okay to be nervous,” Rita said smiling. “You’ve had quite a week. First the fire, which as we all know was quite awful for everyone involved. And then you were actually the person who captured Louis Baker and held him until the police could take him into custody. How did that come about?”

Kelly had no idea how to answer the question without mentioning Paul and their tryst. “Uh. Well, the reporter... had a tip. One of his informants... uh. He’d been seen... Baker. Baker had been seen and... wait. No, he called his friend. And they were going to meet up. So that’s why I was there.”

“I’m sorry, I’m not sure I follow.”

“The reporter. I know him, and his informant heard about Baker. So we were there waiting for him.”

“Oh, I see.”

Kelly picked up the glass of water next to her chair and sipped it. 

“What prompted you to take the risk and pursue Mr. Baker?”

“He was getting away. The police hadn’t seen him and he was running. I thought I could run faster. Turns out I was right.” She rubbed her hands on her pants again and looked off-camera. Her right foot was bouncing, and she forced it to be still. “Sorry. I’m just nervous. I’m not used to being in front of cameras. All this attention, i-it’s... I don’t like it.”

“Well, I’m sure the fire department was eager to get you out in front of the scandals.”

“They...” She furrowed her brow. “I’m sorry?”

Rita smiled, and Kelly thought she looked like a fucking snake. “It’s no secret that the Seattle Fire Department has been under a little fire themselves due to the way they handled the Nob Hill fire. Witnesses claimed indifference, the firefighters on the scene only seemed to be going through the motions. And once the level of danger rose, you chose to save yourselves rather than the innocent men, women, and children who were still trapped inside.”

Kelly stared at the woman. “Are you actually saying these things to me right now?”

“We’re live on air, Ms. Lake. What do you have to say to the people who claim the Seattle Fire Department just didn’t care about the lives that were lost?”

Kelly took a deep breath. She envisioned throwing her water in the bitch’s face, knew how satisfying that would feel even if it was fleeting. She waited until she was sure she could speak without growling or raising her voice before she answered the question.

“We did everything we could at that fire. It was a bad location and a bad building. When we arrived the fire was extremely advanced. Our initial evaluation of the fire was that we still had time to get inside and clear it, but it quickly became fully-involved. We were lucky to escape with our lives. Even if we had tried to find others, the only difference would be that my team and I would have died as well.”

“So as long as you lived--”

Kelly said, “No, you listen to me. You asked me the question, you’re going to listen to my answer. That fire was no different than the dozens of calls we get every day in this city. We don’t get to pick and choose which ones get better treatment. We give our everything to every single fire. We risk our lives to pull complete strangers out of buildings that are crumbling around us. The man who saved my life that night is named Trevor McNevin. He lost consciousness in the fire, and he spent a few days in a medically-induced coma. You know what that asshole is doing right now? He’s trying to convince a nurse that he’s well enough to get out of bed to answer calls again. 

“You can judge us all you want. You can armchair quarterback what things looked like from the sidelines, but the fact is, you’ll never know how much we put into every call. To claim we play favorites or give anything less than our all is an affront to every firefighter who has lost their life protecting the people of this city. So talk. Badmouth us all you want. Claim we’re elitist or racist or that we just don’t give a damn. Because the fact is, it doesn’t matter. The next time you need us, the next time that alarm goes off, we’re going to be on the truck racing to save your lives anyway. Because that is what we do.”

Rita blinked in surprise at the affront. “Well. Uh, that...” Kelly stood up and began fighting with her microphone wires. “We’ve actually got another few minutes.”

“I don’t care.” Kelly dropped the mic pack on her chair and walked off the stage. Behind her, she could hear Rita Wynn speaking to the camera.

“That... ah, those were strong words from Seattle Firefighter Kelly Lake...”

The other Kelly stepped into Kelly’s path and stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. “My grandfather was a firefighter,” she said. “Every day since Nob Hill, I’ve heard these talking head bastards badmouthing you. Can I just say that was fucking awesome?”

Kelly nodded quickly. “I didn’t curse on-air, did I?”

“Nothing they can’t bleep out.” She grinned. “Hopefully your bosses won’t be too mad at you.”

“Right. Them.” She sighed. “I hope I’m still a firefighter tomorrow.”

The other Kelly reached up and put her fingers against the earpiece of her headset. “Uh-oh. Rita threw it to commercial and now the producers are asking if you’re still on-set. Go. I’ll cover for you.” She moved the microphone in front of her mouth. “I think I saw her heading for the underground parking.” She waved Kelly toward the exit, and Kelly thanked her as she hurried off. The sun had come up while she was inside the studio, but the parking garage was still mostly empty. She got into her truck and fished her phone out of her pocket. As soon as she turned it on, it began to buzz and chime with incoming messages.

Ray Diaz from public relationships, Lieutenant Berg, Chief Dobbs. She suspected what those messages would say and scrolled past them. She stopped at her father’s name, stared at it for a long moment, and then continued on until she saw Courtney. She chose to read that one first.

“I fucking cheered.”

Kelly laughed and typed back her response: “Thanks, beautiful. Hope it wasn’t a one-woman standing ovation.”

The phone buzzed again as she sent the message, but she didn’t even look to see who sent it. She turned the phone off to silence its buzzing, started the truck, and fled before anyone from the studio could come looking for her.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty-one**  
Kelly worked at the Old Flame that night. She was eventually forced to start returning messages before her phone exploded and she was relieved to discover they weren’t as bad as she expected. Ray Diaz admonished her for going so spectacularly off-script but thought she had done an excellent job. “We were on the defensive. It was an apology tour. You changed it into an offensive. We’re not going to sit around and act like we did something wrong. I liked it. You made a lot more fans than enemies on that interview.”

Her performance at the bar seemed to validate his prediction. By ten o’clock she had five numbers from both men and women tucked into the front pocket of her apron. She was planning a hook-up roulette at the end of the night, sending a text to one number at random and sleeping with whoever showed up. She’d already gotten her post-Courtney sex out of the way with Paul - and hadn’t _that_ worked out well - but she still somehow felt as if it was too soon for semi-anonymous sex.

The phone rang just before midnight and she answered it as she filled a customer’s mug. “The Old Flame, this is Kelly.”

“So let me get this straight,” Trevor said. “I save your puny ass, fall about fifteen feet onto a burning floor, get knocked out, end up in the hospital, and lose two days in a medically-induced coma, but _you_ get to be the hero?”

Kelly couldn’t help but smile. “Hey, that’s what you get for being a lay about.”

“Are the brass giving you a hard time about it?”

“No, they’re actually being cool. I was afraid I’d lost my job for a while there, but it looks like I accidentally stumbled onto the appropriate response. Go figure.”

“Accidentally sometimes right. That could be the title of your autobiography. How are you doing with everything else? You seemed pretty stressed out last time you were here.”

She thought back and laughed. “Boy, and that was actually before all the shit blew up. But I’m doing better. Things with Courtney ended on a high note. I’m planning to never talk to anyone in my family ever again, so yeah, I think things are looking up. What about you? When are they springing you from that hellhole?”

“That’s actually why I called. I’m getting freed tomorrow.”

“That’s fantastic! What are you going to do to celebrate?”

He sighed. “Ruthie is making sure I keep it low-key and free from stress, so we’re settling for dinner at a steakhouse tomorrow night. She’s going to make sure I keep to my diet, but I can still watch you all chow down. Living vicariously until my sister goes ho-- ow! Stop it! I’m injured and you’re fucking hitting me.”

Kelly chuckled and glanced up as another customer approached the bar. Her baby brother Quinn looked almost identical to Casey when he was the same age, and she was always a little startled when he snuck up on her. She blinked at him and nodded a greeting.

“Hey, Trevor, I have to go. My little brother just showed up.”

“Say hey to him for me.”

She hung up and pointed a finger at Quinn. “You’re too young to be in here. Out.”

“I’m twenty-two.”

“No. You’re thirteen. You’ve always been thirteen and you always will be.”

He smiled and rested his elbows on the bar, his shoulders hunched. “Do you have a break coming up? There’s something I want to talk about?”

“Did Mom send you?”

“No. No one knows I’m here. That’s kind of the point.”

Kelly looked at the clock. “I can get Wayne out of the office for fifteen minutes. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

She wasn’t convinced, so she told him to wait while she went to retrieve Wayne. He took over for her at the bar and she led Quinn through the crowd to the side door. She went out first to make sure no one was getting amorous near the dumpsters, propped the door open with a cinderblock, and stuck her hands in her back pockets.

“So what’s going on?”

He sighed and looked at his shoes. “I don’t want to be a fireman.”

Kelly waited. “Okay...”

Quinn looked at her. “Come on. In our family, that’s a pretty big deal. I remember dressing up for Halloween with Dad’s helmet, and I thought he was going to literally explode with pride. You, Casey, Kyle... I mean, Kevin got lucky because you were kind of like a replacement when he decided not to sign up. I don’t have that luxury. And I’m the baby! I’m the last in the line.”

“Do you really think he’s going to disown you just because you don’t want to be a firefighter?”

“I think he’ll be disappointed, and that would be even worse.”

Kelly walked to the corner of the building where she could see the Stables across the street. “It’s not just the job. He wants us to know what it’s like being a part of that family. But he won’t shun you if you decide it’s not the right fit. Hell, he would hate you if you signed up even if you weren’t right for the job and screwed up.”

“But you’ve seen how he is with Kevin. He always asks one of us if we’ve talked to Kevin, or if we know where he is. He doesn’t go to Kevin directly. He doesn’t know how to relate with him.”

Kelly laughed. “He doesn’t know how to relate with any of us. We scare him a little bit. All these little clones of him running around. He loved us no matter what. He didn’t ignore me because I was born a girl. He doesn’t shun Kyle for...” She stopped herself short, but not short enough.

Quinn curled his lip in confusion. “Why would he shun Kyle?”

“Nothing. I didn’t mean to say anything. Dad wanted us all to follow in his footsteps, okay? He wanted an army of Firefighter Lakes running around Seattle. Kevin screwed that up, and the world didn’t implode. Casey died young and took another one of us out of the equation. You said you’re the baby, and you are. Mom and Dad are probably going to be thrilled you’re choosing to take a safer job. Just be honest with them. It’ll be fine.”

“Thanks, Kelly.” His smile grew. “I, uh, saw you on the news.”

She rolled her eyes. “What did Dad think?”

“Oh, he was beyond thrilled. I’m surprised he hasn’t called you yet.”

“He probably has. I haven’t really been checking my phone.”

“I guess it’s kind of exploding, huh?”

Kelly chuckled. “That’s exactly how I put it, yeah.” She put her hands on his shoulders. “Everything will be fine, kid. Do what you’re passionate it about, and our folks will have no choice but to support you. Because they love you. For some reason.”

He swatted her hands away. “Get off me, you tree.”

She slapped the back of her hand against his chest. “Now get out of here. It’s past your bedtime.”

“Kel. What were you going to say about Kyle?”

“Nothing. I was just going to make something up, but I couldn’t think of anything.”

He shook his head. “No, you stopped yourself from saying something. What was it?”

“Quinn, trust me, I wasn’t going to say anything.” At least nothing he would want to hear. 

Quinn watched her for a long minute, waiting for her to crack, but she had learned how to resist the stare down from her other brothers. He was still a novice and didn’t have a chance against her. She raised an eyebrow and he finally surrendered.

“All right, fine. But I’ll get it out of you one of these days.”

“Good luck with that. And seriously, good luck with Mom and Dad. I assume you already have something in mind other than firefighting.”

He grinned. “Well. Maybe. Yeah.”

“Well?”

“I want to be a web developer.”

Kelly frowned. “Really? Is that a real job?”

Quinn smiled and shook his head. “Are you really that behind the times or are you just giving me a taste of what Dad will say?”

“A little of both.” She put an arm around his shoulder and guided him back toward the door. “Come on. I’ll make you your first-ever alcoholic drink.”

“Kel.”

“Your first-ever alcoholic drink,” Kelly repeated. “And I’ll call you a liar if you try to tell me anything different.”

He sighed. “Okay. I just hope you pick a beer that tastes good, since I don’t have the slightest idea. I’d love a nice tall glass of grenadine.”

“Be careful, smartass, I might actually make you one to teach you a lesson.”

She moved the cinderblock out of the way with her foot and let the door swing shut behind them.

#

Kelly closed down the bar and took her time sweeping. She didn’t have to worry about Courtney waiting at home, and she wasn’t scheduled to be on duty the next day, so there was no reason to rush through things. She loaded the jukebox with quarter from her tips, lining up The Mountain Goats, Brandi Carlile, and Florence + The Machine before she started cleaning up. The night had been busier than normal, and a good seventy percent of the people who came to the bar recognized her as “that firefighter who was on the news.” A couple of them tried hitting on her, and she encouraged the ones she found hot. She had ended up with almost twenty phone numbers. It was a personal best, but despite her earlier hopes for a game of sex roulette diminished once she was alone.

She sang along with “All This and Heaven Too” as she swept the main room, and she washed dishes while Brandi told her to raise hell. There was something serene about being locked in a building that she knew like the back of her hand, blasting her music without worrying her neighbors would complain. She gathered the empties and put the box by the door for recycling, washed the fixtures, and made sure all the ice was melted down. 

By the time she left, it was nearly five in the morning and a light drizzle had started. She got into her truck and rolled down the windows a few inches to let in air rich with ozone. She drove toward home until a sudden inspiration turned her west toward the Sound. She drove to the Olympic Structure Park and left her truck by the train tracks, walking in the drizzle until she could see the water. 

She was already soaked as she looked out and watched the storm pelting the expanse in front of her. She closed her eyes and tilted her face back to let the rain wash over her face, into the shells of her ears and soaking into her hair. She remembered the story about being born to a rainstorm. “Bringing Heaven down with you” was how her mother said the doctor put it. There was so much fire in her life, and it was her job to bring the water to extinguish it. 

“You okay?”

She turned toward the voice and saw a man in Lycra straddling a bicycle. She lifted her hand to show she was okay. “Just enjoying the view.”

“Okay, then.” He placed his feet on the pedals and pushed off. 

Kelly watched him go and looked back out at the water. She could see the line where the storm ended, but it was moving out rather than coming in. They were in for a few more hours of rain, at the very least. Sometimes she wondered how a city as perpetually drenched as Seattle could ever catch fire, but it did. And she would be there to put the fires out when they cropped up.

She went back to her truck and drove home, just starting to feel exhausted from her long day. She had been awake for almost twenty-four hours straight and she was ready to crash. She dragged herself upstairs in a trance, only waking when she spotted the package sitting in front of her door. She crouched to pick it up and smiled when she saw Courtney’s handwriting on the top flap. She took the box inside and turned on a lamp to see what was inside.

“What...” She smiled as she withdrew the stuffed animal, turning it over until she found the face and identified it as a blue-and-green octopus. She found a folded sheet of paper in the box and opened it to read Courtney’s casual, loopy handwriting.

“So you won’t have to sleep alone tonight.”

Kelly laughed and turned off the lamp. She carried her new toy into the bedroom, took off her shoes, and stretched out on top of her blankets with the octopus on her chest. She was looking into the big round glass eyes when she drifted off, her fingers becoming slack against one of its plump legs. She remembered trying to figure out what would make Courtney choose an octopus for her, but she was asleep before she came up with an answer.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-two**  
Kelly parked at the bottom of the street where the other engines had blocked traffic on what the news called “that traffic night” and walked up the hill to the remains of the building. She read up about it on the internet before she made the trip. It started life as an elementary school before it was gutted by a fire. It was purchased by someone who gutted its interior and resurrected it as a low-income housing development. The developer may have had the best of intentions, but by the time the building suffered its second fire it was well on the way to becoming a slum.

It looked innocuous now, windows boarded and framed by wide wings of burnt brick. She stepped onto the grassy island that was still imprinted with the tires of their engine and looked up at the blank face of the building. It seemed so massive on the night, a tower of flame that stretched up into the night. Now it was just another three-story stack of apartments. The hill didn’t seem as steep, either, but she still knew climbing down the ladder at this angle would have been a daredevil feat even for a firefighter. Just the idea made her dizzy.

And despite its innocent appearance, Kelly knew the building was still a huge hazard. The front yard was blocked by yellow tape, protecting anyone from wandering onto the debris-strewn lawn. The main entrance was also standing open; she knew that would entice a lot of kids to either sneak inside themselves or dare their friends to try it. 

She finally turned her back on the shell and walked back to her truck. Soon the tape would come down and someone would have to decide what to do with the wreckage. Rebuild, renovate, raze it to the ground and start over with a new building free of its fiery history? She honestly didn’t care. She had an appointment to keep, and she’d wasted enough time thinking about that building. Seeing it was just the first step in getting past it. The next step would be much more difficult.

#

The receptionist noticed her as soon as she came in, confirmed her suspicions when she signed in, but remained silent as Kelly took a seat in the waiting room. She glanced at the magazines but didn’t feel like pretending to read from any of them, so her options were staring at a painting of yellow and orange flowers or looking out the window at the parking lot on the rooftop across the street. She chose the painting as a sort of zen exercise, an experiment at clearing her mind for what was to come. 

She was so entranced in the shape of the leaves that it took her a moment to realize the receptionist had spoken, and another to process what she’d said.

“You’re her, aren’t you?”

Kelly looked at the woman, the top portion of her head just visible over the lip of the check-in counter. “Excuse me?”

“That firelady. From the news.”

“Oh. Right. Yes, that was me.”

“I just wanted to say that it was very brave sticking up for yourself like that. I thought it was just horrible what everyone was saying about the fire department after Nob Hill. Just shameful. Good for you, not taking it when they said those awful things to your face.”

Kelly wanted to ask what the woman thought before the interview. There’d been outrage throughout Seattle, people had been writing online and calling radio stations decrying the department as a bunch of glory-hound cowards. Where had all those torch-bearers gone now that the monster was actually standing up for itself?

Instead she just said, “Thanks.”

A few minutes later the inner door opened and a brunette woman stepped out. Her hair was pulled back but left loose on the sides, making her look like a golden retriever at first glance. She was holding a pair of horn-rimmed glasses that she held up so she could see the paper she was holding.

“Kelly Lake?”

“Yeah.” She stood up and nodded to the receptionist as she passed the desk. The counselor was Dr. Wendy Baumann, and according to the memo hanging on the notice board, she had worked with dozens of firefighters over the past six years. The office was comfortably decorated, as cozy as a grandmother’s den, full of neutral browns and blues. The only splashes of color were throw pillows on the sofa and a small afghan draped over the back of an Eames chair. Kelly hesitated just inside the office as she looked at the sofa and the chair, waiting to see where the doctor asked her to sit.

“Sit wherever you’ll be comfortable.”

“Ah. We’ve begun.”

Dr. Baumann smiled. “It’s not a test, Kelly. The people who come here are often in a very delicate state, and firefighters feel that more than most. You’re showing a vulnerability by coming here and I want to make sure the experience is as soothing as possible. I don’t like to begin our relationship by dictating where you sit.”

Kelly went to the Eames chair and sat down. Dr. Baumann sat in the center of the couch and opened her tablet computer. 

“I have to admit, I was wondering if you would make an appointment. The whole department has reason to visit me, but you more than most.”

“What makes you say that?”

Baumann shrugged. “Well, you were directly involved with the Nob Hill fire. You were responsible for the singular rescue that happened that night, you apprehended the suspect, and you became the face of the department when you railed at Rita Wynn on the news. Every firefighter in town has felt the aftershocks of this fire, but it’s personal for you.”

Kelly said, “Oh. Right, I guess that’s true.”

“I’m sure there were other, private issues that you had to contend with as well. Would you like to start by talking about those?”

Kelly sighed. “Okay. My girlfriend left me. Well, we left each other. I had checked out of the relationship, but after the fire I threw myself back in. She called me on it, we took a break, and we decided it was best to just call it quits.” She surprised herself by tearing up, so she tried to temper the emotion by shrugging. “It was best for both of us. We’re going to stay friends. That’s what they always say, right? Does that usually work out, in your experience?”

Dr. Baumann smiled. “No. Not usually.”

“That’s what I thought. She gave me a stuffed octopus.” She laughed. “It’s nice. She wanted to make sure I didn’t have to sleep alone. That’s something a friend would do, right?”

“It is. Why had you checked out of the relationship before the fire?”

“I don’t know. I still loved her. That’s why I didn’t just end things. I didn’t want to hurt her.” She looked down at her fingernails. “Afterward I just needed someone to hold onto. I needed an anchor and she provided comfort. It was nice. But it wasn’t fair to her.”

Baumann tapped her screen, typing something. Kelly resisted the urge to ask what it was. 

“My mother had an affair.”

Baumann’s finger stilled. “Oh?”

“Not recently. At least not that I know of. I saw her with the guy, a friend of my dad, but she didn’t see me. And I was so young that after a while I wasn’t sure if it was real or imagined. Just recently, after the fire, I confronted her. I not only found out it was true, I discovered my baby brother isn’t, ah, isn’t my dad’s son. His father is the guy Mom was screwing on the side.”

“Wow. That’s a lot of information to get in just a few days. No wonder you let loose on Rita Wynn. It must have felt good to let it loose that way.”

Kelly nodded slowly. 

“Are you back at work yet?”

“Yeah. I have two jobs. I tend bar across the street from the station.” She reached up and scratched her eyebrow. “I don’t... we’ve only really had one big call since I’ve been back, and the fireboat took care of that. We just watched and stood by in case they needed tactical support.”

“How did it feel to be an observer? After the experience you went through, for your return to be as a witness rather than an active participant?”

Kelly said, “What’s the right answer?”

“There’s not a right answer.”

“Then I was relieved.” She frowned at her own answer. “When I was a little girl people laughed when I said I wanted to be a firefighter. My whole family was, and I just figured I could be, too. I had to fight every step of the way so they would take me seriously and I made it. But after that one fire, I’m terrified that I’ll have to do it again.”

“That’s not uncommon among firefighters. In fact every time this comes up, I point out the fact that a firefighter who doesn’t have a healthy, respectable fear of a fire is dangerous. You want the fear.”

Kelly said, “That’s true. But this...” She looked out the window. “I’m worried I’m going to freeze. That little girl survived the fire because of me, but next time, what if I’m too scared to go into the room? What if I stay in the hall and someone burns because I didn’t have the courage to search?”

“Do you think that’s a real possibility?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t.” She rubbed her palms together. “I’m a water-bearer.”

“I’m not sure what that means. Is it a firefighting term?”

Kelly smiled. “No. It’s something my brother and I made up when I first joined the department. It was raining buckets the night we were born. And ever since I’ve always felt more comfortable in the water. I just like the way it feels. Being submerged.” She ran her hands over each other as if she was washing them. “Anyway, Kyle, my twin brother, he always said I wasn’t interested in putting out a fire as I was with putting water on it. Fire is water’s enemy, and I was helping water fight its enemy.”

Baumann smiled. “I like that idea.”

“So did I, at least before. Now? I don’t know.”

“The only way to confront the fear is in the moment. You went through the academy and you said you’ve spent your entire life training to be a firefighter. Even with all of that preparation did you have any idea what it would be like to actually be inside a burning building?”

Kelly shook her head. “No. No one can.”

“In a similar vein, you can’t know how you’ll react to being in a fire until you’re in it. The only thing you can do is prepare yourself until the moment arrives.”

Kelly took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “That doesn’t really help me get over the terror, Dr. Baumann. What if I walk into a fire and I panic? What if I freeze?” She remembered the dream of standing in a room with no exits and hearing the shouts of her brothers and friends. She wiped at her eyes and leaned back in the chair. “I saved someone last time. What if next time someone dies because of me?”

“Even if someone dies at the next fire, it won’t be because of you. It will be because of the fire. I have faith that you will do everything in your power to save anyone you can. One life saved in a fire is a miracle, and anything above that is just a bonus. You’re fighting a volatile element. No one expects you to be a superhero.”

Kelly smiled ruefully. “You don’t know me very well yet.”

Baumann chuckled. “You’ll do what you can, Kelly. It’s all anyone can ask of you. As for that perfectionist superhero in your head... she’ll just have to be satisfied with your human efforts.”

Kelly nodded. “And if that’s not enough, people die.”

“You’re looking at it the wrong way, Kelly. You’re worrying about what will happen when you go into the building. People may die. There’s no way to know what will happen. The only certainty is that if you _aren’t_ there, everyone in the building will die. Just by walking in the door you’ll be increasing the odds for a good outcome.”

Kelly said, “So all I have to do is show up.”

Baumann shrugged and showed her palms. “It’s ninety percent of most jobs.”

Kelly thought it through. She wasn’t sure it would help her in an actual fire, but it would at least get her inside the building. For now, that was all she really needed.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-three**  
Kelly knew she had been neglecting her exercise routine, but she didn’t know how badly she needed it until she laced up her sneakers and went for a run. Her muscles protested at first but soon her body remembered the routine. She took an uphill route so she could be coming downhill on the way home, pushing herself farther than normal to make up for her laziness. At the turnaround point she stopped to catch her breath and watched a woman approaching from the other direction. Kelly lifted her hand in greeting and the woman began to jog in place when she was close enough to talk without yelling.

“How far are you going?”

Kelly gestured with her head. “Back down, two miles, back home. You?”

“All the way down to First Avenue. Want company?”

“Not really,” Kelly said. “But I’ll race you.”

“Deal.” She held out her hand, still jogging in place. “Renee.”

Kelly shook Renee’s hand and introduced herself. Renee squeezed her fingers, then pulled just enough to knock Kelly off-balance. Kelly yelped in surprise as Renee passed her and shot down the hill like a dart. Kelly corrected herself and growled as she pursued the dirty rotten cheater.

The dirty rotten cheater with a nice ass, it had to be noted. Kelly closed the distance between them, panting as she pulled up alongside Renee.

“It’ll suck when you discover you can’t even win playing dirty.”

Renee grinned. “I’m taking it easy on you.”

“By all means, pull out all the stops.” They huffed and puffed another few yards. “Well? I’m waiting and I’m not tasting any dust.”

“Just you wait. I’m lulling you into a false sense of security.”

Kelly pointed down the hill. “I’ll go with you down to First Avenue. Turn south, and there’s an espresso place called Ancient Grounds. Last one there buys.”

Renee said, “You’re on. And you just made a horrible mistake.”

“Oh?”

“I was just waiting for an incentive to kick your ass. Hope you have your wallet on you.” She put on an extra burst of speed, and Kelly smiled as she strained to meet it.

They reached the espresso shop at the same time, but Kelly dropped back just before they reached the door so Renee would be the official winner. Renee grabbed the door, pulled it open, and stepped back so Kelly could enter first. Kelly took the win graciously and caught her breath as they joined the line. Kelly ordered an espresso con panna with biscotti while Renee got an iced Americano. They took their drinks to a booth, and Renee smiled at the masks on the wall.

“It feels more like a museum than a coffee shop. Screw Starbucks.”

Kelly smiled. “It’s comfy. So, Renee. What do you do when you’re not running?”

“I’m a clairvoyant. I run one of those little shops, you know... incense and beaded curtains. I have a big crystal ball.”

“Oh. Do... you use an accent?”

Renee’s grin widened. “I’m messing with you.”

“Oh! Right. Sorry.” She chuckled and shrugged. “Those places do exist, and someone has to do it, I guess.”

“Do I look like a mind reader?”

“No. You kind of look like...” She tilted her head to the side and considered her. She discounted the sweaty hair and workout clothes. “You look like a saleswoman.”

Renee arched an eyebrow. “I don’t know if that’s supposed to be a compliment.”

“Oh, it is. You look like you could talk anybody into anything.”

Renee laughed. “I suppose I do that. I own a candle shop. Well, not just candles, but that’s the main draw. I make the candles, too.”

“Ah, a chandler.”

“Very good. How about you?”

“Guess.”

Renee pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. “You’re... a police officer.”

Kelly made a face. “Why would you say that?”

“You seemed to be running for more than just health reasons. You looked like you were training for something. A marathon, maybe. But since I don’t think professional marathoning is a thing, I tried to think of a job that would require physical fitness.”

Kelly grinned. “Not a cop. I’m...” Renee obviously didn’t recognize her from the news, and she had a golden opportunity to not be that woman for a little while. “I’m just a bartender.”

“Oh,” Renee said. “I guess being in shape helps you stand up for all those hours at a time.”

“It doesn’t hurt,” Kelly said.

They continued to make small talk as they drank, pointing out interesting masks or artwork on the walls. When their drinks were gone they pushed the conversation as far as they could without forcing the issue. Eventually they both accepted it was time to go, so they stood and stepped outside. 

Renee said, “My shop isn’t far from here. How about you? I think I sort of took you out of your way. How far do you have to backtrack?”

“Not far. I’ve been slacking, so having an extra mile will be good for me. Besides, it was worth it to meet you. I’d love to see you again. Run with you, or maybe have dinner together in nicer clothes?”

Renee’s smile wavered. “Oh. I’m... I’m flattered. And of course I would love to run with you again. But dinner... I didn’t... I’m not a lesbian.”

“Oh. That’s fine.” She tucked her hair behind her ear and tried not to be overly embarrassed. “I had to take the chance. But it was nice meeting you. And next time we run, I won’t let you win.”

Renee laughed. “Let me... sure. Okay. Do you have your phone with you?”

They exchanged information and goodbyes, and Kelly gave a final wistful look at the other woman’s rear end as they parted ways. It didn’t really matter that she’d been shot down. The experience showed her that she could meet a woman, could flirt and actually ask her out, and she wouldn’t choke or think about Courtney. She had presented herself with a test and she passed with flying colors. That was something to be celebrated, not mourned.

But that ass. That ass was a real shame. She shook her head at the missed opportunity as she started running east again, back toward home.

#

Later that night, after her shower, Kelly was sitting up in bed with her laptop open in front of her. The curse of so many late nights at the bar, combined with overnight shifts at the station, meant that she was often awake until three in the morning with nothing to fill the hours. She randomly surfed the internet, reading articles she didn’t really care about, and sometimes tried to find something on Netflix to doze off to. She had just about settled on a movie when her phone buzzed.

The text was from an unfamiliar number, but she smiled when she realized it was from Renee. “Hey. Are you at work?”

“No, I’m home. I hadn’t even added you to my contacts yet. Calling to schedule our next run?”

There was a long pause before the next message, and Kelly nearly put the phone down to look at the internet again before it buzzed. “I was thinking about the other thing you said.”

“When?”

“When we were leaving. You asked me out, right?”

“I did. No hard feelings? I promise I won’t hit on you when we’re running.” She silently added that she made no promises about ogling.

“You found me attractive?”

Kelly sighed. “I can get past it. Honest, it won’t be a problem.”

“I’m not scared of it being a problem for you.”

Kelly arched an eyebrow. That was certainly interesting. She decided to play it safe. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve never thought about being with a woman. But I’ve been thinking about it today.”

“What did you decide?” Kelly put the laptop aside and stretched her legs out in front of her. She settled against the pillows and moved her hand to rest on her inner thigh. 

Another long pause. “It might be a fun fantasy.”

Kelly grinned. “Yeah. It might be.”

“It’s safer like this, too.” A pause, but the trio of little dots indicated she was typing. “So how do we start? I’m nervous.”

“Just tell me what you’re wearing,” Kelly typed back. “I’m in shorts and a T-shirt, lying in bed.”

This time the pause was long enough for Kelly to think she’d scared her off. Finally: “I don’t have any idea how to do this.”

“You’re just testing the waters, right? How about I tell you what I would do to you if you were here right now? It’s safe. You don’t have to do anything, and if you get freaked out you can pretend we’ve never met and I’m just some freak who somehow dialed your number by mistake.”

This time instead of text, a picture popped up. It showed a very nervous Renee sitting against a headboard, her back cushioned by pillows. She wore a T-shirt with a much-stretched collar that was threatening to drop off her right shoulder. She was trying to smile but was instead making the bared-teeth smile of an animal backed into a corner. Kelly laughed.

“Nice look. Would you like one in return?”

“Please.”

Kelly turned on her phone’s camera and self-consciously mussed her hair. It was center-parted and curly from the shower, long enough that it fell across the fire department logo of her T-shirt. She was without makeup but she had to figure anything would be better than the sweaty and over-exerted mental image Renee had gotten after their run. She snapped a picture and sent it.

“You are beautiful, I’ll say that.”

“Good. All sexting starts with a lie.”

“lqtm.”

Kelly widened her eyes and furrowed her brow. “The hell is that?”

“Laughing quietly to myself. It’s from a comedian. It’s more honest.”

Kelly laughed quietly. “Fair enough. Just relax.”

“And let you do all the work? Doesn’t seem fair.”

“I’ll be picturing you. Take off your clothes and touch yourself.”

A blushing emoticon.

“Hey, I’m not going to pull any punches. You want to know what it’s like, so I’m going to show you. Stop me any time you’re uncomfortable.”

Almost a minute passed. “Okay. Clothes are off.” Another blushing smiley face. 

Kelly took a deep breath, bit her bottom lip as she considered her options, and then she began to type. She started slowly, giving Renee a lot of room to retreat. She spread the foreplay out across several messages, letting the blue bubbles sit for ten, fifteen, forty-five seconds before sending the next. Over the course of several minutes she kissed along Renee’s throat and down to her chest, now teasing one nipple with her lips while her fingers worked on the other.

She was typing about kissing Renee’s stomach when Renee texted, “You can go a little faster,” and added a winking face.

“Are you being a good girl?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“I’m touching myself.”

“Good.”

She moved on to Renee’s thighs, spreading them apart and kissing them before moving higher. She refrained from asking if it was okay to go higher. Asking would ruin the moment, and if it wasn’t Renee would stop her. By that point she had gotten herself hot and bothered by the whole scenario: the slow seduction of a straight woman reminded her of those awkward first experiments in her boyfriend’s bedroom. Testing what it was like to touch a woman intimately, taking the cock from her mouth to kiss a woman’s lips and discovering she liked it. She began typing with her right hand, moving her left between her legs to stroke herself through her shorts.

“Are you touching yourself, too?” Renee texted.

“I am.”

“I can’t believe how turned on I am.”

Kelly smiled. “I have magic fingers, even from afar. Tell me what to do next?”

“I thought I just had to sit back and enjoy.”

“We can keep that up if you want.”

“Use your fingers on me.”

Kelly described a slow, methodical fingering, pausing to slip her shorts down to mid-thigh and cup herself so her mind was clear enough to continue the game. She was in the middle of describing what she would do with her tongue when Renee interrupted her.

“I just came. Holy shit.”

Kelly grinned triumphantly. “I’m happy to be of service.”

“I’m just lying here like a slug. All my bones are liquid. I swear. I don’t know how I’m typing.”

Kelly laughed. “Then my work here is done.”

“I don’t know if I’d have been as brave in real life, if you had started kissing me and undressing me. But I’m glad I was a little brave.”

“I’m glad, too. If you want to go for a run as just friends and forget this ever happened, that will be fine. No strings.”

“Thank you. I’ll think about it. Goodnight, Kelly.”

Kelly wished her a goodnight, turned off the phone, and slid down on the mattress. She quickly finished herself off, coming with a quiet grunt. She lay on top of the blankets and stared at the ceiling as she caught her breath. Renee was in no way, shape, or form a true romantic prospect, but she wasn’t the only one who had been experimenting with those sexts. Kelly had proven something to herself, had confirmed there was indeed life after Courtney. A quick mutual masturbation session had proven to her that when a true romantic prospect did show up, she would be willing to take advantage of it. She would just have to make sure she kept her eyes open.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-four**  
The Merganser Diner was a typical shotgun setup: booths to the right and counter to the left with the grill behind it. At the back, near the restrooms, a staircase led up to offices on the second floor and apartments on the fourth. A second staircase on the opposite side of the building led down to the sidewalk. Lunch was their busiest time, with breakfast coming in a close second. Between nine and noon, and two until closing at five, there were rarely more than three or four people in the diner at any time. Chris Flowers and his daughter Dana worked behind the counter and used the lulls to clean or wash dishes. Dana always had a book stashed under the counter.

The only occupied office on the second floor belonged to a process server named Clark Patterson. At a little past two o’clock he breathed deeply and caught a strong scent of smoke. It wasn’t an unfamiliar odor given that he’d worked over the diner for almost seven years. Clark had developed a Pavlovian response to the smell and even though he’d had lunch not an hour before he found himself hungry for one of Chris Flowers’ signature cheeseburgers. He promised himself he would wait until four o’clock so the burger could count as an early dinner and bent over his laptop again to distract himself with work.

On the third floor, Apartment 3A overlooked the street. Martin and his girlfriend Alexandra were wrapping up a fight that had started the night before. Neither were employed, but Alexandra was angry that Martin wasn’t even looking for work. She’d come home at lunch to apologize for some things she had said to find him sitting on the couch playing Mario Kart instead of going to the interview he’d told her about. Next door in 3B a retired CPA had drowned out the fighting with a rerun on the Game Show Network. He mashed out his cigarette but the smell of smoke was still curiously strong. He sniffed the air, looked at his ashtray to make sure all of his stubs were properly extinguished. 3C was the apartment where Steve and Dana Flowers lived, so it was empty at that point in the day.

Finally, in 3D, the apartment with a beautiful view of the alley, three college students were splitting the rent. TVs, stereos, laptops, and various chargers were plugged in to various points throughout the living room. They had classes at odd hours, and jobs with flexible schedules, so it was difficult to tell which of them were home at any given hour.

At ten minutes to three, the hallway was fogged by a cloud of thick white smoke. Five minutes later the alarm in the process server’s smoke alarm began sounding. Dana heard the beeping from behind the counter and put her book face-down as she slipped off her stool. She stepped out of the heat-and-smoke cloud emanating from the stove and started upstairs, but she stopped as soon as she saw the smoke. She backtracked and returned to the diner.

“Everyone, there’s a fire upstairs. We’ll have to ask you to calmly make your way outside, please.” Her father turned off the burners and scraped what was already on the stove into the trash. She stepped past him to retrieve her cell phone and dialed 911 as her father ushered her out the door. 

At 2:57pm, the tri-toned alarm at the Stables sounded, and Kelly joined her team in a race to the truck.

#

The leather gloves, the heavy canvas coat, her boots, and the heavy tools hanging from her belt, Kelly was once again armored up. She rocked and swayed with the motion of the truck as they barreled through intersections and took sharp corners. School had just let out, and they were forced to contend with buses and children crossing the street. 

“Merganser Diner,” Scott Shelley said. He had recognized the address immediately. “They have great burgers there. Mushrooms, Swiss cheese, Worcestershire sauce, gruyere cheese, Dijon mustard... If it burns down, I’m going to be distraught.”

“Nice to know you’re focused on the important things, pal,” Otto said. 

Scott said, “Try one of those burgers if the restaurant is still standing. You’ll agree that I’m a hundred percent focused on the important things. If I have to carry that stove from the building on my back, I’ll do it. Mark my words.”

Kelly looked down at her hands and flexed her fingers in their stiff leather gloves. It wasn’t the first time she’d worn them since coming back, but it was their first sizable fire they’d been called out on. She was suddenly aware that her uniform very likely was coated with ash from Nob Hill, and the quiet reek of smoke rising from the coat was probably the same smoke she’d choked on while getting Madison to the window.

Their substitute firefighter was a woman Kelly had never worked with, a brunette named Melissa Brooke. At the station before the alarm Scott had been joking they were one redhead away from having their own version of Charlie’s Angels. Brooke had taken their ribbing in stride, but now that they were in the truck she was the portrait of professionalism. Kelly found herself staring at the newbie, looking for some crack in her confidence and preparedness. She finally found it when she looked at the other woman’s hands to see that she was rapidly tapping her thumbs against her forefingers in a steady rhythm, channeling all her anxiety into that one motion.

Otto, seated across from Kelly, stuck his leg out and tapped her boot with his to get her attention. “You okay, Lake? We can send you up the ladder if you’d be more comfortable.”

She shook her head. “No complaints. Just give me the nozzle and point me in the right direction.”

“Same as always,” Scott said.

The rig came to a stop and the team climbed out, dropping onto the sidewalk like troops entering enemy territory. Kelly had her helmet in hand, dropping it down on top of her braids and cinching the chin strap with one well-practiced move. She tilted her head back to look up at the building, eyeing the points where it seemed to be leaking thin black smoke. The windows would have to be broken out for ventilation, and Tim was already working with Tarik to get the ladder in place. A group of people had crossed the street to watch from a safe distance, and an older man trotted over toward them. He wore a button-down blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up underneath a white apron, and Scott moved to intercept him before he could reach the sidewalk.

“Mr. Flowers. Everyone get out okay?”

The man patted Scott on the shoulder. “My girl and ‘em, all the customers... they’re out. Guy upstairs? Uh, numbers server. No, what are they? Like you’ve been served?”

“Process server?” Kelly said.

Flowers nodded. “Yeah, yeah. He’s out, he’s over there. People upstairs I don’t know. They might have gone out the other stairs and might be on the next street over.”

“How many up there?”

“I don’t know. Uh. Five? Five or seven, something like that. I’m sorry, Scott.”

“It’s okay, Mr. Flowers.” He patted the man on the shoulder as Otto arrived with the hose. Brooke is pulling line on the hose so Kelly takes point behind Scott and head into the building, into the steaming mouth of the dragon.

The diner was full of the smoke billowing down the stairs like an encroaching fog. Scott paused at the door to fasten his oxygen mask on, looked back to make sure Kelly was ready, then began his ascent. Visibility dropped to nothing almost immediately, the fog closing in and wrapping around Kelly’s mask like a thick towel. She could still hear Scott on the stairs ahead of her and she followed the sound, using him to know when the stairs came to an end so she didn’t try to step up into empty space. There were no open flames in the stairwell, just flickering orange and yellow fairy lights on the walls and ceiling. It was eerily beautiful if it wasn’t so terrifying.

On the second floor they drop to their knees to get below the smoke and the unbelievable heat. Kelly can feel it on her exposed bits of skin. It was a constant blast not unlike sticking her head into an oven and keeping it there. Sweat pours under her uniform and the blowback from the hose splatters against her mask. With the heat it was hard not to think of it as napalm. They move slowly past closed office doors, doors she knew led into unoccupied offices but she still felt the urge to check. Her breath sounded hollow and echoing in her ears, and she was panting by the time they reach the window. Scott rises up and smashes the glass with the butt of his axe, clearing the shards away and giving the bank of smoke somewhere to go.

It was easier to see now, but the world was still murky as she and Scott backtracked to the stairwell and continued higher. The apartments with their unknowable contingent of residents. She could hear other firefighters coming up to clear the floor, so she and Scott took the water on in search of the fire’s seat. The clarity of vision they won from breaking the window was quickly lost as they once again began to climb. She could just barely make out the shape of Scott’s uniform, the bulk of his air pack, as he moved ahead of her. She followed obediently with the hose tucked securely under her arm.

 _Killing the beast_ , she thought when they were once again on flat ground. The fire had originated on the third floor, so the beast was hiding behind one of these doors. Scott went left, toward the window that looked down over the street, and Kelly moved to follow him before she heard a shout. She stopped where she was, kneeling at the mouth of the stairs, and listened for the sound to repeat. After five seconds, an eternity in her position, she heard it again: a sharp, inhuman yell of pain or terror. 

Kelly dropped to her hands and knees and crawled toward the sound. She dropped the hose, knowing that if she didn’t Scott would be pulled along with her like a dog on a leash. It was only after she started crawling that she realized she had given up her safety, her water. She was no longer a water-bearer, only a woman in a flame-retardant uniform and slightly more equipped to deal with what was happening than whoever she was trying to save.

She felt the door of the far apartment for excessive heat before she risked opening it. Inching forward on her knees she entered the apartment as smoke rushed out into the larger space of the hallway. She saw the windows as hazy rectangles of light across the room. “Fire department!” she shouted, well aware her words were swallowed by her mask. She reached up and yanked it down, coughing before she called again. "Fire department! If someone is in here, let me know where you are!” When there was no answer she secured her mask and moved through the obscuring smoke once more. She moved forward and impacted something squat and heavy, a piece of furniture. She bent down and swept her hand into the space beneath but there was no room for anyone to hide. She moved to the side and continued into the apartment.

She had just entered the back hallway when her air tank began sounding its alarm. Her oxygen was low, and she needed to get out of the building to switch it for a fresh one. She ignored the sound and continued forward, one hand against the wall to keep herself oriented as she moved through the smoke. Her tank continued to alarm, and she was gasping for air inside her mask. The smoke was thinner at the end of the corridor and Kelly pressed herself into the corner to pull it away from her face. 

“Fire department!” she called again. 

If her tank was nearly out of oxygen, Scott must have been in the same situation. He would have turned around to follow her out only to discover she wasn’t there. In his mind she would have vanished. She hoped he wouldn’t waste precious time looking for her, and she coughed into her gloved fist as she moved into the bedroom. Her throat and lungs felt seared, her face pouring sweat as if a tap was open underneath her helmet. 

“Kelly, what the fuck are you doing?”

Her vision was clouding but she blamed it on the smoke. Her right arm buckled but she got it back under her as she continued forward. She ignored the voice coming from behind and above her, the voice that couldn’t possibly be speaking, and she pushed a hamper out of her way. It tumbled and hit the floor, the clothing inside smoldering before it hit the floor. 

“Kelly, turn your butt around and use the last gasp of air in your tank to get out of here.”

“People are in here, Casey,” she said. “There are people left in here.”

“There’s no one in here.”

Kelly growled as she pushed the bed out of her way. No one was hiding underneath it so she moved toward the closet. The wall was covered by a curtain of flaming light, bright snakes curling around themselves before they could combust. Kelly’s eyes watered as she reached for the closet door knob but she couldn’t reach. She rested her hand against the wood and knew it was too hot for someone to be alive on the other side.

“Other apartments,” she gasped, dreading the thousand-mile trek between where she was and the exit of the apartment. “Someone is stuck in one of the other apartments.” She coughed and hacked, dropping onto her elbows as her body fought to purge the smoke. She spit something black onto the floor and shuffled forward, almost too weak now to even get out of the bedroom. 

“There’s no one here, Kelly.”

“Six kids,” she gasped. “There are six kids here. I have to get them out.”

Casey said, “You’re confused. You’re oxygen-deprived, Kelly. This isn’t Nob Hill.”

“I have to save the kids.”

“You have to save yourself. The building is empty, Kelly. Don’t do this. Don’t sacrifice yourself this way, kid. You’re way too smart for that.”

She didn’t know if she was crying or if the sweat had dried on her face, didn’t know if there was actually enough moisture left in her body to produce tears. Her tongue felt like a stone in her mouth. She lifted her head and looked toward the door as a firefighter with LAKE written on the tail of his coat stepped outside. 

“Come on, squirt. I’ve been telling people you could do this since you were in pigtails and missing your front tooth. You gonna make a liar out of me now? Get your damn mask on and follow me.”

Kelly pushed her hands against the floor and leaned forward; it seemed easier than actually moving forward. When she reached the door, where the smoke had cleared enough for her to see more clearly, she leaned against the wall and fastened her mask back on. The window was open and smoke was rushing through like an inverted waterfall. Kelly was thrown by the sight and, for a moment, she believed there was actually a river flowing across the ceiling and falling up into the sky. Hallucinations, she thought, breathing in the dregs of her oxygen tank as she finally got to her feet and rushed the window.

Scott had cleared the shards from this window as well, and she was grateful for it as she slammed her stomach against the sill and leaned out into the fresh air. She yanked her mask away and breathed deeply, hacking up more unspeakable smut as she heard Tarik shout, “Over here! Move over here!”

She looked in the direction of the shout and saw the basket of their ladder swinging toward her. Tarik and Tim were motioning for her to remain where she was, and she’d been in their exact situation to know what the foolish civilians always did, the idiot move that almost always resulted in their deaths. She gripped the edges of the sill and leaned back, lifting her leg to plant her boot in the window.

“Kelly! Don’t! We’re almost there!”

Almost there would have to do, she thought. She threw herself forward and pushed off with her foot, ignoring the shouts from her partners as she spread her arms out and closed her eyes. She planted one foot on the edge of the bucket and it immediately slipped off. Tarik wrapped himself around her left arm while Tim grabbed the right, one of them planting his hand in the middle of her back to keep her from teetering backward. She opened her eyes and saw both men were slammed hard against the protective wall of the bucket as they pulled her in.

“We got her,” Tim said, “I repeat, we have Lake. She is out of the building.”

“Crazy-ass bitch,” Tarik said once she was safe.

She patted him roughly on the shoulder and sagged against Tim. She looked over her shoulder and saw a firefighter framed in the window, his mask on to obscure his features. He seemed unconcerned about the flames and smoke surrounding him and, after a moment, Kelly realized she had just been standing in that same fire. Tim and Tarik didn’t seem concerned, so she slapped Tim’s arm.

“Scott,” she said. “We have to get Scott out.”

“We’re all out of the building now. Scott’s out. And you should hear the names he’s been calling you over the radio.” Tarik steadied her. “Can you make it down the ladder yourself?”

She started to move her foot but her leg didn’t cooperate. She shook her head rather than admit frailty out loud, so Tarik tightened his arm around her and started guiding her down. Once she was on the ground she felt her consciousness starting to slip, grateful for Tarik’s weight keeping her upright as a pair of EMTs took her to a stretcher. A mask was fitted over her nose and mouth and the taste of pure oxygen was like ambrosia to her. She parted her lips and sipped it like water. Her helmet had come off at some point and her hair brushed softly against her cheeks and brow as her unbelievably soft bed was wheeled away from the building and the trucks.

Scott ran up to the stretcher at such speed that he nearly fell on top of her when he came up short. She held up her hand, which he grabbed and squeezed hard.

“Where the fuck did you go?” he wheezed, his eyes wide with panic. “I thought you were gone. I fucking thought you had just...”

“We have to get her into the ambulance,” one of the EMTs said.

Scott nodded and reluctantly let her go and took a step back. “We’re going to see you at the hospital. Try to keep us away.”

Kelly smiled and gave him a thumbs-up as the doors were shut. She realized she had been fighting her body’s urge to shut down from the moment she heard Casey’s voice, and the fight was quickly draining from her along with her adrenaline. A part of her feared that the disjointed, hazy moments outside the building felt like a dream, and she wondered if it was a hallucination like the upside-down river.

Her eyes closed as if dragged down by weights, and her hands fell limp onto her chest. She didn’t know if she was falling asleep, falling into a coma, or dying, but by the time she realized all three were an option, she couldn’t have stayed conscious if she had tried.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty-five**  
In her dream, Kelly died on the way to the hospital.

Or she thought she was dreaming, and she was actually experiencing a ghostly afterlife. There was no way to tell one from the other, so far as she knew. She watched as the EMTs tried to revive her but eventually give up. There was no transition from the defeated air of the ambulance to the waiting room where Chief Dobbs broke the news to Patrick, Addie, and the boys. That scene was blended with the dream (reality?) of them standing at her grave. Her name was carved into the stone next to Casey’s. She saw her father quitting the department, saw Kyle doing the same. She watched as Courtney leaned against the closed door of her office and wept. 

She was in a bed. She was cool, comfortable, and there was a reassuring beep coming from something over her right shoulder. Her neck was craned far to one side, her lips slack, and she sucked in her bottom lip to prevent any further drooling as she opened her eyes and looked around the room. She heard motion from the far wall and turned toward it as Kevin got to her feet and came to her side.

“Hey, faker. You really upped your game since you faked cramps to get out of school.”

“Screw you, jerk,” she rasped.

He squeezed her hand. “Kel...”

“Shut up,” she said.

“You scared us.” He leaned over the bed and kissed her between the eyebrows. “Dad suggested we take shifts sitting with you.”

She frowned. “How long have I been out?”

“A couple of hours. I took the first shift.” He smiled. “I knew you wouldn’t be asleep very long.”

“I don’t think they call that ‘sleeping.’ Recuperating, maybe, healing, or...”

He sighed and made a rolling gesture with two fingers. “Yeah, yeah. All I know is, you have two big fires, and you leave both of them being carried out on a nice comfy bed and...” His voice broke and he pinched her thumb. “Bitch.”

“Asshole.”

“Stop doing this, huh? You’ve gotten your close calls out of the way, so from now on, no more trying to give us all heart attacks.”

“I’ll try.” She looked past him and saw three different flower deliveries. “Looks like you guys tried to put the gift shop out of business.”

“It’s the one time we can get you flowers without getting our asses kicked for treating you like a girl. Deal with it. I’m going to go get a nurse and let her know you finally decided to wake up.”

She held onto his hand. “Wait. Is Mom out there?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Could you ask her to come in after the nurse is finished?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? You want to talk to Mom?”

“Just ask her to come in, okay?”

“Okay.” He held up a finger with his free hand. “Follow the finger. I want to make sure you didn’t get a concussion. Do you know what year it is?”

She grinned and swatted at his arm. “Just go.”

He left and, for a moment, she was alone. She had seen bandages on her arms when she grabbed Kevin’s hand, but now she held them up to see them properly. The gauze began just above her wrists and continued down almost to her elbows. She didn’t remember her arms burning, but there was very little of her flight out of the building that she could recall. Had she really jumped out of the window when the bucket was still swinging toward her? And had she really been saved by Casey’s spirit? 

No. She was oxygen deprived and close to collapse. Her brain had manufactured a way to get her moving. That was all. She dismissed the thoughts as the nurse came in and began bustling around her and the machines. She listened with half an ear to what the woman was saying, part of her brain still cataloguing the aches and pains that hadn’t been there before the fire. Yet another part was focused on what she would say when Addie came in. 

The nurse finally finished her duties and opened the door to bring Addie inside. Addie smiled politely and waited for the door to close before she stepped closer to the bed. 

“I wasn’t sure you would even want me here,” Addie said. “I’m relieved to see you’re okay.”

Kelly nodded. “Yeah. Made it out in one piece.”

They were silent. Addie looked out the window and smiled slightly. “You can see the Space Needle from here. That’s nice.”

Kelly looked at the window. “Yeah...”

“I also wasn’t sure you would be talking to me again after... the conversation we had the other day. We didn’t exactly part ways with any definitive conclusion.”

“I’m not going to tell him. Them. Either of them.” She sighed and rested her head against the pillow. “It was over twenty years ago. And Daddy is his father as much as the rest of us. Revealing the truth now would just be petty and pointless.”

Addie moved closer and gingerly lowered herself to the edge of the bed. “Is this why things between us have never been like they are with the boys? Because you saw... what you saw?”

“Because I didn’t know what I saw. I thought maybe I imagined it. But I could never be sure, and I could never ask you, so it just hung there over our heads.”

“Like the sword of Damocles.”

Kelly nodded. “Yeah.” She smoothed down her blankets. “I’m bisexual.”

Addie looked at her. “Pardon me?”

“I just broke up with my girlfriend. I’ve had a few girlfriends... and fewer boyfriends. But that’s the reason it doesn’t seem like I date very much. I just don’t tell you and Daddy about the women.”

“Oh.” Addie became still as she processed the information. “I’m not sure what you expect me to do with this information. And now, of all times...”

“I know your secret, and you know mine. No one else in the family knows. At least I don’t think they do. Kevin knows but that might just be our twinniness coming through.”

Addie chuckled. “You date women.”

“Not exclusively.”

“But... women.”

Kelly shrugged. “Yeah. I guess now you know sort of how I felt.”

“Yes, I suppose I do. Although this does explain a few things.”

Kelly furrowed her brow. “Like what?”

“Playing baseball with the boys. The way you dress...”

“The way I dress? I can’t believe you’re clutching to all those old stereotypes.”

Addie said, “Well, I don’t know any real lesbians.”

“You still don’t. I like men just as much as I like women.” She considered that statement. “Well, maybe not just as much. But it’s still close enough I don’t get invited to the meetings of the girls-only club.”

“I guess there’s a lot I have to learn.” She looked at Kelly. “Will you help me be less stereotypical?”

“I’ll try.” 

Addie stood up and leaned forward to hug Kelly. It started awkwardly, the first true physical contact between them since she was a child, but finally Kelly brought her hands up and rested them on Addie’s back. Finally Addie sat up and brushed the hair out of Kelly’s face. The soft brief sweep of her mother’s fingers across her forehead was almost enough to make Kelly cry, but she blamed the sudden burst of emotion on the painkillers she was on.

“I’m going to tell them,” Addie said. “Not about... your... because honestly, Kelly, who cares in this day and age?”

Kelly laughed.

“I’ll confess everything to your father. And to Kyle.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. There’s nothing either of them can do about it. We’ve all come this far...”

Addie said, “I know. But they deserve the truth. Things might get rough for a while, but I think it will be for the best.” She touched Kelly’s hand. “Will you be there when I tell them? It would be nice to have one person there who already knows the truth.”

“Sure.”

Addie patted her arm again. “Thank you, sweetheart. And I’m... I’m very glad you’re okay. I don’t know what we would’ve done if we lost you. Your father wants to see you, but he’s also aware that if you let him in, he won’t be able to stop himself from crying and crushing you in a hug. So maybe if you’ve seen enough visitors for one day...”

Kelly smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I’m pretty tired out.”

“I’m sure he’ll understand. Sleep well, darling.”

“Goodnight, Mom. Can you turn off the light?”

Addie turned off the overhead light and softly closed the door behind her. Once she was alone Kelly slid down and folded her hands over her chest. She didn’t think she would be able to sleep, but having the lights off gave the room a cozier feel. She found the television remote and turned it on. She had missed the vast majority of the day, unconscious through most of the afternoon and early evening. She watched some cop drama with her brain turned off, watching as the pretty actors and actresses followed a carefully-drawn set of clues to the predictable conclusion. She wondered why there weren’t more shows about firefighters and decided the practicality of burning down a building every week probably got expensive. 

When the killed was handcuffed and led away, the show faded out. The screen faded to black and then cut to a tease for the local news.

“A firefighter’s daring escape that almost ends in tragedy. And the daring hero’s name may seem familiar to you. Stay tuned.”

“Oh, shit,” Kelly growled. She changed the channel and found herself staring at the vaguely but not specifically ethnic features of Rita Wynn. “Oh, shit. Oh, no.”

Rita had just started her segment. “--days ago you may have seen an interview on our morning show, or you might have seen the clip once it went viral. My interview with Firefighter Kelly Lake went quickly from awkward to downright confrontational.”

The image cut to Kelly’s face, startling her. “Badmouth us all you want,” she said, her voice hollow and strange through the TV speakers, “Claim we’re elitist or racist or that we just don’t give a damn. Because the fact is, it doesn’t matter. The next time you need us, the next time that alarm goes off, we’re going to be on the truck racing to save your lives anyway. Because that is what we do.” She stood up then and began pulling at her microphone pack. The image cut back to Rita Wynn in the newsroom.

“That interview was the result of a very heated few days for the Seattle Fire Department. Accusations of not doing enough, of leaving innocent people to die, of being unprepared, were swirling around the brave men and women who put their lives on the line every single day.”

“Oh, you fucking hypocrite,” Kelly muttered.

Rita Wynn said, “Earlier today the department was given a chance to prove Kelly Lake’s premonition. A small building that housed a diner, several offices, and a handful of apartments. The firefighters of Engine 12, the same crew that responded to that tragic Nob Hill fire so fresh in everyone’s memories, were dispatched to the scene. Eyewitnesses caught the scene on their phones.”

Kelly growled again. Stupid civilians always waving their phones whenever they saw sirens. She watched as the front of the Merganser Diner came onscreen in a shaky, vertical shot. Their engine was blocking most of the view but she still saw herself as she followed Scott through the front door. The image cut to a different angle, this time horizontal, as Scott evacuated. His uniform was blackened by soot, his mask hanging free as he grabbed Lieutenant Berg’s arm.

“Kelly’s in there somewhere.” His voice echoed enough to be picked up by the phone’s speakers.

Another cut, and Kelly saw Tarik and Tim riding the bucket over to her. She watched as she leapt out into thin air, breath catching in her throat as if the recording could possibly have a different outcome. It was insanely close, and her already considerable gratitude ratcheted up a few slots. She would have to be sure to take Tim and Tarik out for dinner to thank them for their derring-do. 

Rita Wynn spoke over footage of her crew overhauling the building. The front of the diner was completely hollowed out, and rivers of water rolled lazily over the front steps and down into the gutter. She caught a glimpse of Scott without his helmet and he looked distraught, his face smeared with long black lines of soot. She wondered if he was concerned about her or mourning the diner’s delicious hamburgers. She chuckled and hoped she remembered to make the joke the next time she saw him.

“I am chagrined to admit that the reporters at this station, myself included, were partially to blame for some of the animosity shown toward the Seattle Fire Department these past few weeks. But the actions of these brave men and women today have shown without question just how far they’re willing to go to protect us. I can only apologize for my part in the witch hunt that followed the Nob Hill tragedy, and give my sincere hope that they know how grateful the city is that they are here for us.”

Kelly turned off the set, unsure if she was willing to accept the apology. At the very least it might shame the other stations into a heel-face turn. She put the remote aside, suddenly certain she had seen enough television for the night and relaxed. She could only imagine what the Chief would have to say about her leap being the top story on the news, but that was a problem she could face tomorrow.

For the time being, she only wanted to enjoy a little sleep that wasn’t helped along by large amounts of drugs.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty-six**  
Trevor came to visit Kelly in the hospital, waiting until the nurse was out of the room before he opened his bag and dropped a fragrant, greasy white paper treasure on her tray. Kelly sat up, her eyes widening as saliva flooded her mouth from the smell alone. She finally managed to tear her eyes off of it and looked hopefully at him.

“Tell me you didn’t bring that for yourself. I swear, I’ll jump out of this bed and throttle you.”

“Nope, it’s all yours.” He was halfway through the sentence before Kelly grabbed the sandwich and began tearing the paper to get at it. The smell had given away what it was but she still gasped when it was revealed in all its glory: the drunken chicken sandwich from Seneca Sandwiches. Mozzarella and barbeque sauce. Even if she hadn’t been in the hospital she would have treated the sandwich like it was an idol. Courtney said just the smell nauseated her, so Kelly couldn’t even come home with it on her breath. Another benefit of being single. She brought it closer to her face and breathed in as he took a seat next to her bed.

“You’re a god among men.”

He grinned. “I couldn’t tell you how many times I hoped someone had smuggled one of those in for me. Consider this paying it forward.”

“I’ll remember that next time you get laid up.” She took a big bite and rolled her eyes back in her head. “Oh, god, this is delicious.”

Trevor put his feet up on the desk. “So how long are they laying you up?”

She shrugged and gestured vaguely. “Just another day or so.” Her cheek was puffed up around her mouthful. “I saw some of what they’ve been saying about me. What’s it really like?”

“The media is being their typical bullshit selves, but the people who matter know what happened in the building. You got a little turned around and the smoke... it could’ve happened to any of us.”

“I didn’t get turned around, Trevor. I could’ve sworn I heard people in the apartment.”

He nodded. “I know. I’ve been there. Scotty, he once crawled into an apartment on his hands and knees to save a dog that was frozen in terror. He held the thing against his chest and ran outside screaming that it wasn’t breathing, it wasn’t moving. He laid it down on the ground and realized he’d just risked his life for a stuffed animal. We’ve all had our moments in one fire or another. We know you, Kelly. And we know we don’t have to worry about the next time we go into a building with you. Whatever made you hear those people is out of your system.”

She picked a piece of lettuce off her sandwich and popped it into her mouth. “I’m not so sure.”

“Well, there’s only one way to find out.” He stood up and poured her a cup of water from the carafe. “I’m going to be back at work soon, and I want you there watching my back. So don’t milk this thing. As soon as you’re ready.”

“Okay. Thanks, Trevor.”

“Sure thing. Enjoy the sandwich.”

Kelly lifted it to him in a gesture of gratitude as he left. She took another generous bite and chewed slowly as she sank her head back down onto the pillow and thought about what he’d said. She wasn’t sure she was ready to go back into a fire, and Chief Dobbs had already said when she was released from the hospital she should take “a few mental health days” just to be sure she was ready. She was grateful for the excuse; if he hadn’t told her to stay away she would have been forced to ask for the sabbatical. Doing that would have been admitting she had a problem. This way she was just following orders.

The past few weeks she’d gone through the whole catalogue of personas: she’d been the hated villain, the heroic vigilante, the ambivalent poster girl, and now she was a media darling for her leap of faith. She didn’t want to be famous for losing her temper or doing something idiotic. Hell, she didn’t want to be famous at all. She just wanted to do her job quietly and without fanfare or fuss. She looked down at her sandwich and wiped some stray sauce off the side of the bread. She sucked the smear off her finger and whimpered.

“Maybe I could get a job at this shop. I’d be three hundred pounds by the summer.”

Ordinarily she would stop halfway through the sandwich and save the second half for lunch the next day. But she’d eaten far too much hospital food to behave herself, and she felt that she had earned a bit of indulgence. She took another large bite and closed her eyes as she chewed, savoring not only the sandwich but the peace of mind Trevor had offered her.

#

“Hey, I know you from someplace.”

Kelly smiled and shook her head vaguely. “I get that all the time, man.” She deposited his drink and moved to the next customer before he could make the connection. It was her third day back at the bar, still on sabbatical from the department, and she’d become adept at sidestepping the people who thought she looked familiar. Their familiarity seemed to only last through the first two or three drinks, when she became just another blurry shape in a black T-shirt. A few patrons recognized her immediately and she had to figure out if they knew her from the Rita Wynn interview or her insane leap of faith.

She was starting to get back into the swing of things. She fielded concerned calls from Courtney - “Do you have any idea how worried you made me?” - and returned texts from Renee, her sometimes straight jogging pal - “I thought you said you were just a bartender,” with a smiley face - and waited for the bomb to fall when her mother finally revealed the truth to the rest of the family. She was at the tipping point between wanting to go back to work and actually being ready to suit up and run into another fire. She knew she would be able to do it when the time came. In a few days she looked forward to walking into Chief Dobbs’ office and convincing him of the fact.

Her relationship with Courtney had found a nice balance. They had met for lunch the day after Kelly got out of the hospital and it was much like old times. Not enough that they got confused and headed for the nearest bedroom, but before they slept together. Kelly felt a sense of relieved joy that they could salvage a friendship from the ruins of their relationship. She and Courtney would be much better friends than lovers.

She hadn’t yet gone home with anyone from the bar, but there were flirtations and possibilities. One day, possibly soon, she would feel like taking someone home. Until then she was happy sleeping alone and remembering what the apartment felt like without someone else sharing the space. 

“You look familiar.”

Kelly filled the order, moved on. She kept the dance going, smiling vaguely to the people who couldn’t remember where they knew her and quickly cutting off the people who did before the entire bar was alerted to her notoriety. The rest of her crew managed to find their way into the bar during the hours she was working and she appreciated their tacit support. To a one, they all asked when she would be coming back and told her the place was falling apart without her to take care of them.

“I’ve been craving those chicken and dumplings,” Lieutenant Berg told her. “The wife, she doesn’t make ‘em quite as good as you do.”

She was also keeping a regular appointment with Dr. Baumann in an attempt to figure out why she had crawled deeper into a burning building in pursuit of phantom voices. She knew the surface reasons but she wanted to make sure there was nothing deeper under the surface that could crop up once she went back to work full-time. And she wanted to lay the groundwork of therapy just in case she needed the safety net once all the family’s secrets had been laid bare.

To be completely honest, she had no idea what would happen when Addie confessed her affair, when she told the boys that one of them had a different father. She was extremely worried about how Kyle might take it, but he was strong. She and Kevin and Quinn would be there to help keep him on his feet. They had gotten through tough times before; she had a flash to Casey’s funeral and quickly swept it aside so she didn’t get pulled into the whirlpool of melancholy memories.

She finally ushered out the last patron, a man who swore up and down he’d seen her in an episode of something - “One of those letter shows on CBS. _CSNC_ or whatever...” - and locked down the tavern. She went to the jukebox and lined up Pink, Sara Bareilles, and the Femme Reapers to serenade her while she cleaned up and settled the cash register. She looked forward to the day when no one at the bar even vaguely recognized her. When Nob Hill and the Merganser fire were both just distant memories. She desperately wanted to suit up and be indistinguishable from her brothers and sisters in the department, and she knew she just had to be patient.

It was almost five in the morning when she finally shut off the lights and headed out. Her truck was the only one in the parking lot, but she walked past it to stand on the grassy knoll at the edge of the parking lot. Her jacket hung from two fingers as she stared across the street at the red brick tower, the shiny black glass of her home away from home. The Stables stood proudly and beautifully lit like a museum piece. There were always lights on outside the building, beacons in the darkness that told the people of Seattle someone was watching. Someone would be there when they called. 

“I’m coming back,” she whispered to the building. “It might take me a few days, but I’m coming back. Wait for me.”

She reached into her pocket, freed a toothpick from its plastic sheath, and bit down on it with a grin. She saluted the slumbering station with two fingers and pulled her jacket on before she walked to her truck. She wouldn’t rush back to work before it was time. She would keep seeing Dr. Baumann, she would deal with her family drama when it exploded, and she would go back the right way. Seattle had been born out of a great fire, and it had plenty more in its future.

Kelly planned to be there to fight as many of them as she could.


End file.
